Vigils, especially in a hospital setting are draining and downright brutal. May our God of peace and comfort embrace your ex and protect you during this time of transition.
I am moved by neo’s love and maturity. Best to her and her family.
Holding you, neo, your ex, and your family up in prayer.
This is so tough, I know (… except the ex part.)
I am very sorry!
SteveS & Huxley said more well.
Prayers for you all!
I pray every effort to bring comfort and solace carries the day. Heartfelt blessings to you and yours.
Sending wishes for grace and peace to you, your ex, your son, and other loved ones.
Prayers for comfort for you and peace for him.
This is a time of sorrow and kindness as the hours pass. Blessings for you Neo as the hours go by.
I flew across country yesterday and saw my brother-in-law just a few hours before he died, in a hospital room probably like your experience now. This is tough. My deepest sympathy.
Sad, hope you have strength and peace with you
“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” – Deuteronomy 31:8
You’re not alone Neo. Neither you or your former husband. And the depth of love you have shown is enveloped by a deeper love for you both. Be at peace.
Neo, so very sorry to hear this.
Hospitals are such lonely places. hope you can feel your online community caring about you and pulling for you. Virtual or not, our concern and respect for you are real.
Fair winds and following seas.
Yes, ‘vigil’ was what it was beginning to sound like even yesterday.
Been there, neo. A heartrending, heartwrenching time. All the best.
M J R
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Your wonderful writing has helped me make sense of an often confusing world. I pray that you will know comfort from beyond yourself at this very difficult time.
You have been a rock for him and an inspiration for us.
Wendy: Agreed . Can only repeat it.
My Dear Neo:
I am so sorry for the stress, anguish, and anticipated grief you are experiencing.
I am here to respond as an MD of considerable experience and rank if you have any medical questions. I am triple Board-certified, if that matters. I feel I am sitting on the sidelines while bad stuff is happening, but that’s just me; I am a medical fixer by nature. Open discussion and the resolution of unasked questions are good medicine!
He is so fortunate to be with those who love him.
And you are fortunate to be able to be with him.
Prayers for you all–a peaceful passing for him, and the peace of knowing you will be all be together again for you who will mourn him.
Oh, for Pete’s sake, it is Ms Neo, not Mr! It would not correct; thanks, AI !
So sorry Neo. Sending more prayers and please know you are amazing.
Nothing I can say would ease the pain; ex or not, the love still shines through; those above have stated all; may the passing be easy. For you as well.
So very sorry and sad that you and your ex have to go through this.
A vigil story. My father died of inoperable lung cancer, six weeks after being admitted to a top-grade hospital in the Boston area. My brother and wife—with a four year old daughter—had work obligations that made it difficult to travel to Boston to see him. When they came, our father was much more vocal than usual. The next day, my father went downhill, and died at midnight. He must have been holding out to see his granddaughter.
Another vigil. A friend, aged 88, went downhill after falling and fracturing her wrist. She went in and out of rehab and hospital and home, also suffering a stroke. Her granddaughter with her husband and children came to the hospital. The husband whispered to me that he wasn’t sure if she would recognize anyone. As she had recently had a stroke, that was a valid question. The two great-grandsons did not approach their great-grandmother, finding this a difficult situation to deal with. The 12-year old great granddaughter went right up to her great grandmother. You could see her eyes light up. Yes, she recognized us.
At the funeral, I told the great-granddaughter her great-grandmother’s eyes lighting up showed that while grownups help kids, kids can also help grownups.
Neo’s standing by her ex is an inspiration to us all.
He is truly blessed to have had you there for all this time. I wish comfort and peace and God’s protection for you and your family.
I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you.
HaMakom yenachem etchem b’toch sha’ar avelei Tzion v’Yerushalayim. May God comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
Neo – My prayers are with you and your ex. May he peacefully transition to heaven. Thank you for being the good person you are and being there for him. He knows you are there.
Lord have mercy!
Bless you for your loyalty, it makes a difference.
Our prayers, Neo.
I am so sorry, Neo. Keeping both of you in my prayers.
He is lucky to have you with him. You are a good person.
My prayers continue to be for peace for both of you during this time. He has been blessed to have you with him during these final days.
As, huxley writes, I second his thoughts: “I am moved by neo’s love and maturity. Best to her and her family”
Bless you for doing the right thing.
May peace be with all.
Kate, i am glad you were blessed to arrive in time to see your dying brother-in-law, and be there with family.
My condolences to you, and them all.
I am very sorry to hear this news, Neo. You have been a model for many, especially now. Prayers for you and your family.
I hope your son is holding up well. It is hard for a boy to lose his father.
I’m very sorry to hear this Neo, but I wanted to say I admire your commitment and devotion, and hope that you are not alone during this difficult time. As others have said, you’re an inspiration. God’s blessing and peace for you both, and all the best wishes from us for this difficult time.
Neo: I read the news here every day, but it’s never felt fully human until I heard the word “vigil.” Selfish that I am, it makes me think of me. In my head, I’m more than ready, but my survival instinct is strong, so I know that when my time comes, I’ll fight like there’s no reason not to. I don’t doubt that your ex-husband is doing the same. Hope against hope, and then there’s passage.
Been there (the waiting) when my mother died a few years ago. My sympathies and my prayers for you and your ex-husband.
Neo, my wife of 68 years passed this morning after a 2 and 1/2 year fight with Ovarian Cancer. I offer empathy.
I understand the pain of watching in utter helplessness as someone you care for suffers and struggles.
I trust that he takes comfort from your presence. In my case, I was accompanied by daughters, and grandchildren. They not only supported me, they were able, at times, to break through and connect at some level. She even managed to respond with an expression of delight as one of them related a pleasant memory. So, the presence of loved ones is always positive I hope that you and your ex-husband have such a loving support group.
I trust that the hospital is providing comfort to the extent possible to both of you.
Blessings
Praying for strength and comfort for you and your family.
At a loss for words; so “my condolences” and may you have the strength to get through this are all I can offer.
Oldflyer – my condolences to you as well. And “utter helplessness” is the correct phrase. I have seen a brother through this as a secondary caregiver and my mother as the primary caregiver.
God bless you with his peace, Oldflyer and receive your wife in his love.
Oldflyer:
I am so sorry.
Thank you to everyone.
Thoughts and prayers
Cornflour:
Yes, a fighter.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Oldflyer, my sincere condolences for your wife’s passing yesterday.
Yes, it is a helpless feeling.
I’m grateful that your daughters and grandchildren were with you, and even able to share a happy memory that reached her. How special!
May God’s comfort bless you all.
Oldflyer, I am truly sorry. I lost my Wife of only 57 years, last July. Lymphoma, 18 months. I hope you have family to help you. Memories are what we have. Their love of us lives on. As does our love of them. I have a neighbor that is in the same Club as we are. Only someone that has gone through this can truly understand.
Peace, Brother.
Oldflyer, my deepest condolences.
God bless you and your family, Oldflyer. What a beautiful message you wrote for neo! God bless your wife!
So sorry for your loss, Oldflyer. Praying for comfort for you and family.
Prayers for you and your ex, and your son, too. OldFlyer and Shirehome as well.
neo and Oldflyer, thank you very much for sharing this with us.
It’s important to think about things we don’t want to think about.
Comfort and strength and patience to you.
Oh Neo. I am sorry to hear that things are not going well. Such love you have shown! Prayers going up for all possible good things from here on.
Although I did not intend my message to be about me, I appreciate the responses from the members of this wonderful group.
My wife had a few roles in life, and she lived them with passion.
First, devout Christian. Then, Navy wife of 23 years, and some may understand the challenges that presents; especially as the wife of an Aviator at a time when dangers lurked. And perhaps most important, Mother/Grandmother. The one failing is that all of her hints for a great grandchild did not come to fruition.
Neo, I cherish the work that you do. I hope that you are surrounded by love that provides a path through this.
I’m so sorry for your loss Oldflyer, my condolences to you and your family.
Oldflyer, condolences and prayers for comfort for you and your family.
Neo, continued prayers for comfort and peace for you, your ex, and family.
Condolences for your loss, Oldflyer, and best wishes to Neo and her ex.
At the risk of being presumptuous, I can relate the story of my parents. They were married for nearly 25 years, then divorced for another 50 years, the last 25 of which they had virtually no contact. But when we told our mother that our father was in hospice (at age 98), she was very shaken and upset. She wasn’t involved in his care (she was 93 and not in a position to do much), but the news triggered a lot of emotion.
I’m so sorry, Oldflyer.
And sorry for, and moved by, the many other memories of loss that Neo’s vigil has inspired. I’ve been thinking of vigils I’ve kept in hospitals in the past, never for a spouse or ex, but for parents and a sibling. It’s such a strange time within time, waiting in the space between life and death. Sending strength and hope.
I’m very sorry, Oldflyer. I’ve been there, and I know how tough a road it is now.
You take care,
M J R
Prayers for Oldflyer and Neo
Praying for comfort for you and your family.
Neo – May you and your family be blessed with peace in your hearts at this difficult time.
Oldflyer, condolences on your loss, and thank you for this thought: “the presence of loved ones is always positive.”
We are currently visiting a son and his wife who we last saw three years ago, coinciding with a visit to AesopSpouse’s brother’s sons and grandchildren.
What a blessing they all are in our lives.
Prayers for you neo
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prayers for peace
Ugh. Condolences and prayers.
Vigils, especially in a hospital setting are draining and downright brutal. May our God of peace and comfort embrace your ex and protect you during this time of transition.
I am moved by neo’s love and maturity. Best to her and her family.
Holding you, neo, your ex, and your family up in prayer.
This is so tough, I know (… except the ex part.)
I am very sorry!
SteveS & Huxley said more well.
Prayers for you all!
I pray every effort to bring comfort and solace carries the day. Heartfelt blessings to you and yours.
Sending wishes for grace and peace to you, your ex, your son, and other loved ones.
Prayers for comfort for you and peace for him.
This is a time of sorrow and kindness as the hours pass. Blessings for you Neo as the hours go by.
I flew across country yesterday and saw my brother-in-law just a few hours before he died, in a hospital room probably like your experience now. This is tough. My deepest sympathy.
Sad, hope you have strength and peace with you
“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” – Deuteronomy 31:8
You’re not alone Neo. Neither you or your former husband. And the depth of love you have shown is enveloped by a deeper love for you both. Be at peace.
Neo, so very sorry to hear this.
Hospitals are such lonely places. hope you can feel your online community caring about you and pulling for you. Virtual or not, our concern and respect for you are real.
Fair winds and following seas.
Yes, ‘vigil’ was what it was beginning to sound like even yesterday.
Been there, neo. A heartrending, heartwrenching time. All the best.
M J R
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Your wonderful writing has helped me make sense of an often confusing world. I pray that you will know comfort from beyond yourself at this very difficult time.
You have been a rock for him and an inspiration for us.
Wendy: Agreed . Can only repeat it.
My Dear Neo:
I am so sorry for the stress, anguish, and anticipated grief you are experiencing.
I am here to respond as an MD of considerable experience and rank if you have any medical questions. I am triple Board-certified, if that matters. I feel I am sitting on the sidelines while bad stuff is happening, but that’s just me; I am a medical fixer by nature. Open discussion and the resolution of unasked questions are good medicine!
He is so fortunate to be with those who love him.
And you are fortunate to be able to be with him.
Prayers for you all–a peaceful passing for him, and the peace of knowing you will be all be together again for you who will mourn him.
Oh, for Pete’s sake, it is Ms Neo, not Mr! It would not correct; thanks, AI !
So sorry Neo. Sending more prayers and please know you are amazing.
Nothing I can say would ease the pain; ex or not, the love still shines through; those above have stated all; may the passing be easy. For you as well.
So very sorry and sad that you and your ex have to go through this.
A vigil story. My father died of inoperable lung cancer, six weeks after being admitted to a top-grade hospital in the Boston area. My brother and wife—with a four year old daughter—had work obligations that made it difficult to travel to Boston to see him. When they came, our father was much more vocal than usual. The next day, my father went downhill, and died at midnight. He must have been holding out to see his granddaughter.
Another vigil. A friend, aged 88, went downhill after falling and fracturing her wrist. She went in and out of rehab and hospital and home, also suffering a stroke. Her granddaughter with her husband and children came to the hospital. The husband whispered to me that he wasn’t sure if she would recognize anyone. As she had recently had a stroke, that was a valid question. The two great-grandsons did not approach their great-grandmother, finding this a difficult situation to deal with. The 12-year old great granddaughter went right up to her great grandmother. You could see her eyes light up. Yes, she recognized us.
At the funeral, I told the great-granddaughter her great-grandmother’s eyes lighting up showed that while grownups help kids, kids can also help grownups.
Neo’s standing by her ex is an inspiration to us all.
He is truly blessed to have had you there for all this time. I wish comfort and peace and God’s protection for you and your family.
I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you.
HaMakom yenachem etchem b’toch sha’ar avelei Tzion v’Yerushalayim. May God comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
Neo – My prayers are with you and your ex. May he peacefully transition to heaven. Thank you for being the good person you are and being there for him. He knows you are there.
Lord have mercy!
Bless you for your loyalty, it makes a difference.
Our prayers, Neo.
I am so sorry, Neo. Keeping both of you in my prayers.
He is lucky to have you with him. You are a good person.
My prayers continue to be for peace for both of you during this time. He has been blessed to have you with him during these final days.
As, huxley writes, I second his thoughts: “I am moved by neo’s love and maturity. Best to her and her family”
Bless you for doing the right thing.
May peace be with all.
Kate, i am glad you were blessed to arrive in time to see your dying brother-in-law, and be there with family.
My condolences to you, and them all.
I am very sorry to hear this news, Neo. You have been a model for many, especially now. Prayers for you and your family.
I hope your son is holding up well. It is hard for a boy to lose his father.
I’m very sorry to hear this Neo, but I wanted to say I admire your commitment and devotion, and hope that you are not alone during this difficult time. As others have said, you’re an inspiration. God’s blessing and peace for you both, and all the best wishes from us for this difficult time.
Neo: I read the news here every day, but it’s never felt fully human until I heard the word “vigil.” Selfish that I am, it makes me think of me. In my head, I’m more than ready, but my survival instinct is strong, so I know that when my time comes, I’ll fight like there’s no reason not to. I don’t doubt that your ex-husband is doing the same. Hope against hope, and then there’s passage.
Been there (the waiting) when my mother died a few years ago. My sympathies and my prayers for you and your ex-husband.
Neo, my wife of 68 years passed this morning after a 2 and 1/2 year fight with Ovarian Cancer. I offer empathy.
I understand the pain of watching in utter helplessness as someone you care for suffers and struggles.
I trust that he takes comfort from your presence. In my case, I was accompanied by daughters, and grandchildren. They not only supported me, they were able, at times, to break through and connect at some level. She even managed to respond with an expression of delight as one of them related a pleasant memory. So, the presence of loved ones is always positive I hope that you and your ex-husband have such a loving support group.
I trust that the hospital is providing comfort to the extent possible to both of you.
Blessings
Praying for strength and comfort for you and your family.
At a loss for words; so “my condolences” and may you have the strength to get through this are all I can offer.
Oldflyer – my condolences to you as well. And “utter helplessness” is the correct phrase. I have seen a brother through this as a secondary caregiver and my mother as the primary caregiver.
God bless you with his peace, Oldflyer and receive your wife in his love.
Oldflyer:
I am so sorry.
Thank you to everyone.
Thoughts and prayers
Cornflour:
Yes, a fighter.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Oldflyer, my sincere condolences for your wife’s passing yesterday.
Yes, it is a helpless feeling.
I’m grateful that your daughters and grandchildren were with you, and even able to share a happy memory that reached her. How special!
May God’s comfort bless you all.
Oldflyer, I am truly sorry. I lost my Wife of only 57 years, last July. Lymphoma, 18 months. I hope you have family to help you. Memories are what we have. Their love of us lives on. As does our love of them. I have a neighbor that is in the same Club as we are. Only someone that has gone through this can truly understand.
Peace, Brother.
Oldflyer, my deepest condolences.
God bless you and your family, Oldflyer. What a beautiful message you wrote for neo! God bless your wife!
So sorry for your loss, Oldflyer. Praying for comfort for you and family.
Oldflyer, Shirehome, neo:
“Lux Aeterna,” Morten Lauridsen (in Latin)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lmCBWGDXLf0&list=RDlmCBWGDXLf0&start_radio=1&pp=ygULbHV4IGFldGVybmGgBwE%3D
I’m so sorry. For both Oldflyer and Neo.
Prayers for you and your ex, and your son, too. OldFlyer and Shirehome as well.
neo and Oldflyer, thank you very much for sharing this with us.
It’s important to think about things we don’t want to think about.
Comfort and strength and patience to you.
Oh Neo. I am sorry to hear that things are not going well. Such love you have shown! Prayers going up for all possible good things from here on.
Although I did not intend my message to be about me, I appreciate the responses from the members of this wonderful group.
My wife had a few roles in life, and she lived them with passion.
First, devout Christian. Then, Navy wife of 23 years, and some may understand the challenges that presents; especially as the wife of an Aviator at a time when dangers lurked. And perhaps most important, Mother/Grandmother. The one failing is that all of her hints for a great grandchild did not come to fruition.
Neo, I cherish the work that you do. I hope that you are surrounded by love that provides a path through this.
I’m so sorry for your loss Oldflyer, my condolences to you and your family.
Oldflyer, condolences and prayers for comfort for you and your family.
Neo, continued prayers for comfort and peace for you, your ex, and family.
Condolences for your loss, Oldflyer, and best wishes to Neo and her ex.
At the risk of being presumptuous, I can relate the story of my parents. They were married for nearly 25 years, then divorced for another 50 years, the last 25 of which they had virtually no contact. But when we told our mother that our father was in hospice (at age 98), she was very shaken and upset. She wasn’t involved in his care (she was 93 and not in a position to do much), but the news triggered a lot of emotion.
I’m so sorry, Oldflyer.
And sorry for, and moved by, the many other memories of loss that Neo’s vigil has inspired. I’ve been thinking of vigils I’ve kept in hospitals in the past, never for a spouse or ex, but for parents and a sibling. It’s such a strange time within time, waiting in the space between life and death. Sending strength and hope.
I’m very sorry, Oldflyer. I’ve been there, and I know how tough a road it is now.
You take care,
M J R
Prayers for Oldflyer and Neo
Praying for comfort for you and your family.
Neo – May you and your family be blessed with peace in your hearts at this difficult time.
Oldflyer, condolences on your loss, and thank you for this thought: “the presence of loved ones is always positive.”
We are currently visiting a son and his wife who we last saw three years ago, coinciding with a visit to AesopSpouse’s brother’s sons and grandchildren.
What a blessing they all are in our lives.
Prayers for you neo