“Comrade Biden, do you smoke?”
“Yes, I do a little.”
“Do you know that comrade Lenin did not smoke and advised other communists not to smoke?”
“If comrade Lenin said so, I shall cease smoking.”
“Do you drink?”
“Yes, a little.”
“Comrade Lenin strongly condemned drunkenness.”
“Then I shall cease drinking.”
“Comrade Biden, what about women?”
“A little….”
“Do you know that comrade Lenin strongly condemned amoral behavior?”
“If comrade Lenin condemned, I shall not love them any longer.”
“Comrade Biden, will you be ready to sacrifice your life for the Party?”
“Of course. Who needs such life?”
At a meeting in a factory, a lecturer from the district Party committee tells the workers about their bright future in the USA.
See, comrades, after Obama five-year plan is completed, every family will have a separate home.
After the next five-year plan is completed, every worker will have a GM car!
And after one more five-year plan is completed, every family will own an airplane!”
From the audience, somebody asks, “What the hell one may need an airplane for?”
“Don’t you see comrades? Let’s say, there are shortages in potatoes supplies in your city. No problem! You take your own plane, fly to Washington and buy potatoes!”
A European Green Obamunist comes back home after visiting the USA.
He carries two very large and heavy suitcases. On his wrist is a new American-made watch.
He tells the customs man: “This is a new American GREEN economy watch. It’s a wonder unknown in the capitalist countries. You see, it shows time, the rate of your pulse beats, the phases of the Moon, the weather in Warsaw, Moscow, and New York, and more and more!”
“Yes, it’s a wonder,” the customs man agrees. “And what is it you have in these big suitcases?”
“Oh, it’s just the batteries for that watch.”
[when you can use them and barely change anything, that should be a clue… ]
An old feminist waited for two hours to get in a bus.
Bus after bus came full and she couldn’t squeeze herself in.
When she finally managed to crawl in, she wiped her forehead, and said, “Finally, glory to God!”
The driver said, “Mother, you must not say that. You must say ‘Glory to comrade Obama.”
“Excuse me, comrade,” the woman said. “I’m just a backward old woman. I’ll say from now on as you told me.”
After a while, she said, “Excuse me, comrade, I am old and stupid. What shall I say if, God forbid, Obama dies?”
“Oh, mother, then you shall say, “‘Glory to God!”
[these are classic old old jokes…]
At a May Day parade, a very old Jewish man from Israel carries a slogan, “Thank you, comrade Obama, for my happy childhood!”
The Party representative approaches the old man.
“What’s that? Are you deriding our Party? Everybody can see, when you were a child, comrade Obama was not yet born!”
“That’s precisely what I’m grateful to him for!” the Jewish man said.
A woman walking in the street is carrying a bag full of rolls of toilet paper.
A passer-by opens his mouth, “Hey, mother, where did you buy it?”
“Buy? Are you crazy? Where could I buy it nowadays? They are five years old. I am taking them back from the cleaners.”
===========================
Two brothers, Sergey, and Ivan, who lived in Russia and were members of the communist party, decided to emigrate to the USSA. Even though they didn’t believe the Russian media’s negative reports on the conditions in the USSA, they decided to exercise caution.
First, only Sergey would go to America to test the waters.
If, contrary to the media reports, the living conditions would be found good, and the reports about persecutions by the Gitmo crew false, than Sergey would write a letter to Ivan using black ink whose color would signify that the letter is to be taken at face value.
If, though, the situation in the USSA happened to be bad, and Sergey would be afraid of writing the truth, he would use red ink thus indicating that whatever he says in the letter must not be believed.
In three months Sergey sent his first report. It was in black ink and read, “Dear brother Ivan! I’m so happy here! It’s a beautiful country; I enjoy complete freedom, and high standard of living. All the capitalist press wrote was lies. Everything is readily available! There is only one small thing of which there’s shortage, namely red ink.”
my favorite modified joke!!!
A neo liberal American progressive, a Frenchman and an Englishman argued about Adam’s nationality.
The Frenchman said, “Of course Adam was French. Look how passionately he made love to Eve!”
The Englishman said, “Of course Adam was British. Look how he gave his only apple to the lady, like a real gentleman.”
The American said, “Of course Adam only could be American. Who else, possessing nothing but a sole apple, and walking with a naked ass, still believed he was in a paradise?”
one last one.. (given obama and others penchent for appearing at schools)
A delegation of foreign communists came to see a new Obama kindergarten. Mmm mmmm mmmm
Before they came, the kids were instructed to answer every question by the visitors with just one sentence, “In the USSA everything is the best in the world.”
The visitors came and asked their questions:
“Children, do you like your kindergarten?”
“In the USSA everything is the best in the world!” the kids shouted.
“And what about the food you get?”
“In the USSA everything is the best in the world!”
“Do you like your toys?”
“In the USSA everything is the best in the world!”
At that, the smallest boy in the group started crying.
“Misha, why are you crying? What happened?”
“I want to go to the USSA!”
Artfldgr, I had forgotten how much fun Commie jokes were. But then I left NATO several years ago.
neo’s link reminds me of the NATO I used to love. Nothing, and I mean–NOTHING–has changed.
Hey Art, I remember a passage from something I read by Milan Kundera (I think it was Kundera) a while ago. Not a joke really, but it stuck with me:
In communist Hungary, a man was walking down along a sidewalk in Budapest late one Saturday, and passed by a man vomiting in the gutter.
The stroller leaned over the sick man and, sighing, said:
“I know what you mean.”
Here’s another version (may or may not be a bit more reputable than the Daily Mail) from Der Spiegel. It has a round up from German news, too.
My reaction to 9/11 was, Please God, let us get this right because if we don’t no one else can or will be able to. Alliances, world government, international courts–all nothing if you lack the determination to enforce the words.
Art:
Great updating of the commie jokes.
Recently I saw a talk by Oleg Atbashian of The People’s Cube. He told a few Soviet jokes.
My favorite was, “In the Soviet Union, we have the world’s largest microprocessors and the world’s fastest watches!”
(And in linking the website, I notice that he still has it on his front page. Click on “People’s Video” for photos and the full-length video of that evening.)
Fiasco bests describes this Libyan fluster cuck. Without American leadership NATO is a bunch of drunken cooks arguing over how much salt to put in the soup.
BTW, anyone notice what happened in Portugal today?
I think it wise to pay attention to the internal politics of Germany in the days ahead, especially if the global credit-debt crisis worsens (which I’m betting on in my investments). The Germans are getting tired of ponying up to bail out the fools of the Euro zone. Political, social, and economic turmoil in Germany often embroils the entire world. 🙁
Parker, I agree. The problem is knowing where that internal-external line in the sand is drawn, as your Portugal link suggests. The real leadership of Europe will eventually be sorted out, unsurprisingly, between German and France. Maybe Portugal, Greece, and the others are the cost of admission. If so I’d expect something in return that the Germans can point to in return.
BTW, I always thought it funny when I went to work at SHAPE that the main corridor in the building through which nearly everyone had to pass was occupied by the Germans. Psychological high ground.
“The real leadership of Europe will eventually be sorted out, unsurprisingly, between German and France.”
That is the real see-saw struggle in the euro zone. The French are in over their heads in ‘leading’ this ill-conceived intervention in Libya. The Germans are wise to sit back and watch it fall apart.
LAG Says:
March 23rd, 2011 at 7:43 pm The real leadership of Europe will eventually be sorted out, unsurprisingly, between German and France.
If the US had left them alone in 1917, the problem probably would have sorted itself out. There would almost certainly have been no WWII, and maybe no Russian Revolution. If there had been no Russian Revolution, then there would have been no exporting of Communism to the Third World, triggering yet more revolutions.
Imagine how different the world of today might be.
rickl says,
“If the US had left them alone in 1917, the problem probably would have sorted itself out. There would almost certainly have been no WWII, and maybe no Russian Revolution.”
I’m not sure of your latter conjecture, but I agree the first one is realistic. We should not have become involved in WW 1. Both sides were exhausted and would have come to a cease fire on very different terms than those imposed upon Germany than the Treaty of Versailles.
Woodrow Wilson, for many reasons, remains my pick for the worst president our republic has suffered.
A worthy choice, from a strong field of contenders.
test
I think Germany would have won WWI. France was on the brink of collapse in 1917. Several units mutinied and left the trenches unguarded for a time. The Germans didn’t know that, so they failed to take advantage.
Remember that the Germans arranged for Lenin to take a train trip to Russia. They were hoping that he would cause trouble over there, and he didn’t disappoint them.
Nope, Obama’s my pick, by a mile. Get a load of this:
Not just any woman, but none other than Jamie Gorelick herself! If a revised edition of The Peter Principle is ever published, she would get a whole chapter. Can anybody still doubt that Obama’s goal is nothing less than the destruction of the United States?
There could be at least 3 valid goals for Libya campaign:
1. Averting large-scale mass murder.
2. Get rid of Qaddafi. He never was US-owned SOB; now he is a loose cannon, and hardly any possible Libyan government could be worse than him.
3. Assert US credibility as a world superpower to hold other SOBs at bay.
But as by now this campaign failed to achieve any of these goals, and in absence of clear US leadership it will achieve nothing.
Valid to whom?
there is non universal validity…
so do identify the people who we are referring to
the helpless common man of good nature and brotherly love, or the sociopathic people in power expressing ulterior motives?
Leave a Reply
HTML tags allowed in your
comment: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>
Operation Odyssey Dawn, Red Dawn, whats in a name…
And medicine by committee looks like this:
http://www.nytimes.com/1985/07/02/science/moscow-eye-doctor-hails-assembly-line-surgery-at-clinic.html
MOSCOW EYE DOCTOR HAILS ASSEMBLY-LINE SURGERY AT CLINIC
in case you didn’t know it..
a soviet is a committee…
[and a serviet is a napkin…]
a society run by committee is what communism is
Nobody wants to be the father of that baby.
I’m surprised the coalition lasted as long as it did.
THE PAPER SOLDIER
Once there lived a soldier-boy,
quite brave, one can’t be braver,
but he was merely a toy
for he was made of paper.
He wished to alter everything,
and be the whole world’s helper,
but he was puppet on a string,
a soldier made of paper.
He’d bravely go through fire and smoke,
he’d die for you. No vapor.
But he was just a laughing-stock,
a soldier made of paper.
You would mistrust him and deny
your secrets and your favor.
Why should you do it, really, why?
‘cause he was made of paper.
He dreads the fire? Not at all!
One day he cut a caper
and died for nothing; after all,
he was a piece of was paper.
Bulat Okudzhava
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRwTmKxVKxg
Biden applied to the Progressive Party.
The party committee conducts an interview.
“Comrade Biden, do you smoke?”
“Yes, I do a little.”
“Do you know that comrade Lenin did not smoke and advised other communists not to smoke?”
“If comrade Lenin said so, I shall cease smoking.”
“Do you drink?”
“Yes, a little.”
“Comrade Lenin strongly condemned drunkenness.”
“Then I shall cease drinking.”
“Comrade Biden, what about women?”
“A little….”
“Do you know that comrade Lenin strongly condemned amoral behavior?”
“If comrade Lenin condemned, I shall not love them any longer.”
“Comrade Biden, will you be ready to sacrifice your life for the Party?”
“Of course. Who needs such life?”
At a meeting in a factory, a lecturer from the district Party committee tells the workers about their bright future in the USA.
See, comrades, after Obama five-year plan is completed, every family will have a separate home.
After the next five-year plan is completed, every worker will have a GM car!
And after one more five-year plan is completed, every family will own an airplane!”
From the audience, somebody asks, “What the hell one may need an airplane for?”
“Don’t you see comrades? Let’s say, there are shortages in potatoes supplies in your city. No problem! You take your own plane, fly to Washington and buy potatoes!”
A European Green Obamunist comes back home after visiting the USA.
He carries two very large and heavy suitcases. On his wrist is a new American-made watch.
He tells the customs man: “This is a new American GREEN economy watch. It’s a wonder unknown in the capitalist countries. You see, it shows time, the rate of your pulse beats, the phases of the Moon, the weather in Warsaw, Moscow, and New York, and more and more!”
“Yes, it’s a wonder,” the customs man agrees. “And what is it you have in these big suitcases?”
“Oh, it’s just the batteries for that watch.”
[when you can use them and barely change anything, that should be a clue… ]
An old feminist waited for two hours to get in a bus.
Bus after bus came full and she couldn’t squeeze herself in.
When she finally managed to crawl in, she wiped her forehead, and said, “Finally, glory to God!”
The driver said, “Mother, you must not say that. You must say ‘Glory to comrade Obama.”
“Excuse me, comrade,” the woman said. “I’m just a backward old woman. I’ll say from now on as you told me.”
After a while, she said, “Excuse me, comrade, I am old and stupid. What shall I say if, God forbid, Obama dies?”
“Oh, mother, then you shall say, “‘Glory to God!”
[these are classic old old jokes…]
At a May Day parade, a very old Jewish man from Israel carries a slogan, “Thank you, comrade Obama, for my happy childhood!”
The Party representative approaches the old man.
“What’s that? Are you deriding our Party? Everybody can see, when you were a child, comrade Obama was not yet born!”
“That’s precisely what I’m grateful to him for!” the Jewish man said.
A woman walking in the street is carrying a bag full of rolls of toilet paper.
A passer-by opens his mouth, “Hey, mother, where did you buy it?”
“Buy? Are you crazy? Where could I buy it nowadays? They are five years old. I am taking them back from the cleaners.”
===========================
Two brothers, Sergey, and Ivan, who lived in Russia and were members of the communist party, decided to emigrate to the USSA. Even though they didn’t believe the Russian media’s negative reports on the conditions in the USSA, they decided to exercise caution.
First, only Sergey would go to America to test the waters.
If, contrary to the media reports, the living conditions would be found good, and the reports about persecutions by the Gitmo crew false, than Sergey would write a letter to Ivan using black ink whose color would signify that the letter is to be taken at face value.
If, though, the situation in the USSA happened to be bad, and Sergey would be afraid of writing the truth, he would use red ink thus indicating that whatever he says in the letter must not be believed.
In three months Sergey sent his first report. It was in black ink and read, “Dear brother Ivan! I’m so happy here! It’s a beautiful country; I enjoy complete freedom, and high standard of living. All the capitalist press wrote was lies. Everything is readily available! There is only one small thing of which there’s shortage, namely red ink.”
my favorite modified joke!!!
A neo liberal American progressive, a Frenchman and an Englishman argued about Adam’s nationality.
The Frenchman said, “Of course Adam was French. Look how passionately he made love to Eve!”
The Englishman said, “Of course Adam was British. Look how he gave his only apple to the lady, like a real gentleman.”
The American said, “Of course Adam only could be American. Who else, possessing nothing but a sole apple, and walking with a naked ass, still believed he was in a paradise?”
one last one.. (given obama and others penchent for appearing at schools)
A delegation of foreign communists came to see a new Obama kindergarten. Mmm mmmm mmmm
Before they came, the kids were instructed to answer every question by the visitors with just one sentence, “In the USSA everything is the best in the world.”
The visitors came and asked their questions:
“Children, do you like your kindergarten?”
“In the USSA everything is the best in the world!” the kids shouted.
“And what about the food you get?”
“In the USSA everything is the best in the world!”
“Do you like your toys?”
“In the USSA everything is the best in the world!”
At that, the smallest boy in the group started crying.
“Misha, why are you crying? What happened?”
“I want to go to the USSA!”
Artfldgr, I had forgotten how much fun Commie jokes were. But then I left NATO several years ago.
neo’s link reminds me of the NATO I used to love. Nothing, and I mean–NOTHING–has changed.
Hey Art, I remember a passage from something I read by Milan Kundera (I think it was Kundera) a while ago. Not a joke really, but it stuck with me:
In communist Hungary, a man was walking down along a sidewalk in Budapest late one Saturday, and passed by a man vomiting in the gutter.
The stroller leaned over the sick man and, sighing, said:
“I know what you mean.”
Here’s another version (may or may not be a bit more reputable than the Daily Mail) from Der Spiegel. It has a round up from German news, too.
http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,752521,00.html
NATO=NO ACTION, TALK ONLY!
“… things fall apart, the center cannot hold …”
USSA??
My reaction to 9/11 was, Please God, let us get this right because if we don’t no one else can or will be able to. Alliances, world government, international courts–all nothing if you lack the determination to enforce the words.
Art:
Great updating of the commie jokes.
Recently I saw a talk by Oleg Atbashian of The People’s Cube. He told a few Soviet jokes.
My favorite was, “In the Soviet Union, we have the world’s largest microprocessors and the world’s fastest watches!”
(And in linking the website, I notice that he still has it on his front page. Click on “People’s Video” for photos and the full-length video of that evening.)
Fiasco bests describes this Libyan fluster cuck. Without American leadership NATO is a bunch of drunken cooks arguing over how much salt to put in the soup.
BTW, anyone notice what happened in Portugal today?
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/portugal-government-faces-key-austerity-vote-2011-03-23?dist=afterbell
LAG,
I think it wise to pay attention to the internal politics of Germany in the days ahead, especially if the global credit-debt crisis worsens (which I’m betting on in my investments). The Germans are getting tired of ponying up to bail out the fools of the Euro zone. Political, social, and economic turmoil in Germany often embroils the entire world. 🙁
Parker, I agree. The problem is knowing where that internal-external line in the sand is drawn, as your Portugal link suggests. The real leadership of Europe will eventually be sorted out, unsurprisingly, between German and France. Maybe Portugal, Greece, and the others are the cost of admission. If so I’d expect something in return that the Germans can point to in return.
BTW, I always thought it funny when I went to work at SHAPE that the main corridor in the building through which nearly everyone had to pass was occupied by the Germans. Psychological high ground.
“The real leadership of Europe will eventually be sorted out, unsurprisingly, between German and France.”
That is the real see-saw struggle in the euro zone. The French are in over their heads in ‘leading’ this ill-conceived intervention in Libya. The Germans are wise to sit back and watch it fall apart.
LAG Says:
March 23rd, 2011 at 7:43 pm
The real leadership of Europe will eventually be sorted out, unsurprisingly, between German and France.
If the US had left them alone in 1917, the problem probably would have sorted itself out. There would almost certainly have been no WWII, and maybe no Russian Revolution. If there had been no Russian Revolution, then there would have been no exporting of Communism to the Third World, triggering yet more revolutions.
Imagine how different the world of today might be.
rickl says,
“If the US had left them alone in 1917, the problem probably would have sorted itself out. There would almost certainly have been no WWII, and maybe no Russian Revolution.”
I’m not sure of your latter conjecture, but I agree the first one is realistic. We should not have become involved in WW 1. Both sides were exhausted and would have come to a cease fire on very different terms than those imposed upon Germany than the Treaty of Versailles.
Woodrow Wilson, for many reasons, remains my pick for the worst president our republic has suffered.
A worthy choice, from a strong field of contenders.
test
I think Germany would have won WWI. France was on the brink of collapse in 1917. Several units mutinied and left the trenches unguarded for a time. The Germans didn’t know that, so they failed to take advantage.
Remember that the Germans arranged for Lenin to take a train trip to Russia. They were hoping that he would cause trouble over there, and he didn’t disappoint them.
Nope, Obama’s my pick, by a mile. Get a load of this:
Woman Tied to 9/11, Fannie Mae on Obama’s FBI Shortlist!
Not just any woman, but none other than Jamie Gorelick herself! If a revised edition of The Peter Principle is ever published, she would get a whole chapter. Can anybody still doubt that Obama’s goal is nothing less than the destruction of the United States?
There could be at least 3 valid goals for Libya campaign:
1. Averting large-scale mass murder.
2. Get rid of Qaddafi. He never was US-owned SOB; now he is a loose cannon, and hardly any possible Libyan government could be worse than him.
3. Assert US credibility as a world superpower to hold other SOBs at bay.
But as by now this campaign failed to achieve any of these goals, and in absence of clear US leadership it will achieve nothing.
Valid to whom?
there is non universal validity…
so do identify the people who we are referring to
the helpless common man of good nature and brotherly love, or the sociopathic people in power expressing ulterior motives?