Love at first sight: a personal story
[NOTE: I’ve had this draft among my many hundreds of drafts for about sevem years. I never got around to publishing it; not sure why. But today seems like a good time to do so, for obvious reasons.]
This post of mine about love at first sight sparked a lot of discussion, including some personal stories about the phenomenon, some doubters, and some believers.
Until it happened to me I’m not sure I believed in the existence of love at first sight, either. And I certainly didn’t expect that it would ever happen to me. Indeed, the evening I met my husband-to-be, such a thing was furthest from my mind.
It was the evening of one of my very first days in law school. I had just arrived for a temporary stay in a spare room in the apartment of two other women while I looked for more permanent lodging. I was exhausted, and all I was really thinking about was that at least I had a place to sleep for a few nights. I entered a room where the two young women were talking to a young man, and I sat myself down in an available chair (a wooden rocker) to relax for the very first time that day.
And then I glanced at the man. His look intrigued and attracted me, but it wasn’t just that. He was talking to the two women, and what he said was very entertaining, witty, and humorous. They were laughing and laughing. I’ve always been attracted to humor in men, and the combination of that plus his good looks – and something else, some indefinable and indescribable perception that to this day I don’t understand, but let’s call it “connection” – was apparently all it took.
About 24 hours later I had a thought I’d never had before: “I might marry this guy.”
I was twenty-one years old. We married five years later, and although we’re divorced now we stayed married for over thirty years. Was the love real? Absolutely. And I still can’t explain the phenomenon of love at first sight.
And I’m still extremely surprised that it happened to me.
Lovely, thank you.
I can say I’ve experienced “infatuation at first sight”, but the feeling was never reciprocated. It seems that all the women I was attracted to were not attracted to me. The converse was also true.
The woman I married, won me over by being strong, durable, and resilient. She has endured all the indignities of life, both before me and with me, and she is still as strong. I am a lucky man to have found such a partner.
The “spark” is real. I’ve experienced it a few times.
Sorry about your ex-husband. But at least you were on good terms. My ex has a bitter hate for me that has gone on for over 20 years.
“Hide your heart from sight,
Lock your dreams at night,
It could happen to you.
Don’t count stars,
Or you might stumble.
Someone drops a sigh,
And down you tumble.
Keep an eye on spring,
Run when church bells ring,
It could happen to you.
All I did was wonder
How your arms would be
And it happened to me.”
A great song, covered by all the great singers. Karyn Allison’s version is my favorite.
(Another great song on the topic. Frank Sinatra’s version is my favorite. The first verse seems very appropriate for neo and her husband.)
“You see a pair of laughing eyes,
And suddenly your sighing sighs.
You’re thinking nothing’s wrong,
You string along, boy, then snap!
Those eyes, those sighs,
They’re part of the tender trap.
You’re hand in hand beneath the trees,
And soon there’s music in the breeze.
You’re acting kind of smart, until your heart just goes whap!
Those trees, that breeze,
They’re part of the tender trap.
Some starry night, when her kisses make you tingle.
She’ll hold you tight, and you’ll hate yourself for being single.
And all at once it seems so nice,
The folks are throwing shoes and rice.
You hurry to a spot, that’s just a dot on the map.
You’re hooked, you’re cooked,
You’re caught in the tender trap.”
Wonderful story! I think there are mysterious forces in play; the material world that is apparent to us is just the surface.
I met my husband at age 29, after joining a large District Attorney’s office. Met lots of single men immediately. And then there was my husband, an unassuming looking guy who was married (!). And when I was introduced to him along with the other attorneys in that unit, a thought pushed itself into my brain:
“Whoever is married to this man is the luckiest woman in the world.”
What??
I didn’t see him again for almost a year because we worked in separate buildings. But then I heard that he was getting a divorce, and the next time I saw him, which was at a retirement party, I walked up to him and said something completely ridiculous, with my quirky sense of humor, and he got it.
We closed the bar down. That was the end of our single days, and it’s been 36 years now.
And I am blessed beyond measure to be the luckiest woman in the world!
Similar for the Lovely Mrs. Firefly and me. On our first date a voice popped in my head, “You’ll marry this girl.” Never happened before. Scared the heck out of me!
36 years and counting. I guess the voice knew something.
I was hot for my prom date & other HS girlfriend, but didn’t think it was love. In college, I was becoming a successful womanizer, but slowly came to love a woman who I felt good about being with.
But no marriage, she left for Med school, I stayed to finish my delayed degree.
Went out dancing, with & without friends; sometimes not sleeping alone but mostly uncommitted.
Then I went to Mills College (girls only, lovely place in ugly Oakland) and danced with a really cute smart girl. Huge lust, but not quite love. At first. Then felt it was love.
We lived together, but no kids. Broke up, mostly my fault; she got married to another, had a girl, then divorced.
Going thru a premature mid-life crisis, I went to Slovakia. Met a wonderful young woman, huge lust, not quite love tho. Stayed with her, and got comfy with her, and grew into love. She was definitely not immediately stricken — lots of me needing to prove myself. Will be 32 years soon. 4 kids, 4 grandkids (genetic lottery winna!)
Yes to LUST at first sight. Not sure about deep commitment, but committing is a more rational, less impulsive decision. If it’s deep commitment. Maybe the possibility of true love.
Sadly, even deep commitment can fray and a couple can find their love drifting away.
I’ve since met a few women who I felt I could fall in love with; Lust plus, but my happy marriage commitment has stopped me from further pursuit.
Love at first sight / on the first meeting is that Lust plus the feeling that mutual commitment would be good for both of you, tho these calculations are not only articulated, but the feelings are less coherent, yet strong and good feeling.
Plus timing — both need to be ready for love.
It’s great you’ve stayed friends with your ex.
Here’s a great recent song that’s kinda a lost love song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO5crgJYMfQ&list=PLTkojyiYtIBb60IoCivsKlHUrsNDnGiZa&index=20
And speaking of Sinatra, a favorite of mine starts with…
“Those fingers in my hair
That sly come hither stare
Strips my conscience bare
It’s witchcraft”
I think I see why you posted this.
I feel certain he felt it too.
Blessings.
I met my future Soul Mate at college. Summer school, between my JR and SR year. ECON 101. I don’t remember when I first saw her, but I do remember when I Noticed her. Don’t remember how long it took me to ask her out. Married 57 yr when she died last year. (I do not say “Passed”. It is too gentle a term for my loss)
Would you believe in a love at first sight?
Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time
–Beatles, “With A Little Help From My Friends” (Remastered 2009)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C58ttB2-Qg
I’m so sorry for your loss, Shirehome.
Yes to all of the above.
Very, very sorry, SHIREHOME. Been there. Very trying, to say the very least.
Best,
M J R
Something at first sight: will this qualify?
My company offered a technical writing course, and I was accepted into it, twice a week for ?? weeks (don’t remember now). The course was offered by a free-lance lady who’d worked for us many times before. She was fortyish, as was I, and she was absolutely excellent at what she did.
One afternoon after the class session, she and I got into a conversation initially about something or other, but that conversation extended into 1½ to 2 hours, venturing into some very personal areas. We were unusually comfortable with each other, especially considering that we had been near-total strangers before the conversation had begun.
As we were closing out the conversation, she said to me, “M, I feel like I’ve known you all my life.” I felt the very much same way. We had really, really clicked.
Now,
– had she not been married with young child, -AND-
– had I not been married with young children, -AND-
– had she and I not been living a couple of hundred miles apart*, . . .
could there have been a “there” there?
Irrelevant, because the triple hypotheticals were both binding and firm and that was unambiguously that. But — could there have been a “there” there?
— — — — —
* she had commuted long distance every week to offer the class
I met my wife in a psych class our senior year of college. I was 22 and she was 21. The first day of class the professor informed us that we that would be working in pairs on different projects and to pick a partner. I had noticed her as the cutest girl in class, and when I glanced over to see who she would pick, she was staring at me. We pointed to each other and that was that- from that day on we were inseparable. Within a year we were married.
The following few years were pretty rough financially since we were both in grad school, but we had a ball. We’ve been married now for 51 years, so yeah, maybe it was love at first sight.
I’m so sorry for your loss SHIREHOME.
Shirehome, I am sorry that you lost your wife…your love shines through.
I don’t know about love at first sight, but I’ve certainly experienced instant wow. A women sighted in the isle of a college bookstore, a women entering the room in New Mexico, a women browsing in a Barnes and Noble in SLC. Most incidents were just in passing, but the moments were memorable, I still remember them, and I have no idea what made those women special.
This is a beautiful story to hold onto and remember at this very difficult time.
One of my father’s cousins fought in World War II in Europe. One Sunday morning in 1944 George’s unit was passing through a small village (population about 400) in France. George spotted Denise standing on the bridge over the river and fell in love at first sight. He searched over the town until he found Denise. She didn’t speak English and he didn’t speak French, but she made it clear she had no interest. The Americans moved on, but George was able to return sometime later with a Lieutenant who spoke French and told Denise was asking to marry him. She was about 20 and had to interest in getting married. Somehow, she responded “Oui.” They married the next year and were happily married for 52 years. I heard the story directly from Denise.
OOPs!
…with a Lieutenant who spoke French and told Denise George was asking her to marry him.
With apologies to Robert Frost:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one [that in any just universe would have signage indicating “wrong way” and “dead end],
And that has made all the difference.
Fred. Officers are supposed to look after their men but I don’t recall that example from Lieutenant school. Good initiative. Guy was probably Infantry then.