All the lonely people
Here’s a study indicating that Americans are lonely and young Americans are the loneliest of all. It’s from quite a while ago, 2018. But it’s not atypical of the sort of figures such polls often get, and this one has some interesting generational data:
More than half of survey respondents – 54 percent – said they always or sometimes feel that no one knows them well. Fifty-six percent reported they sometimes or always felt like the people around them “are not necessarily with them.” And 2 in 5 felt like “they lack companionship,” that their “relationships aren’t meaningful” and that they “are isolated from others.”
The survey found that the average loneliness score in America is 44, which suggests that “most Americans are considered lonely,” according to the report released Tuesday by the health insurer…
The latest survey also found something surprising about loneliness in the younger generation. “Our survey found that actually the younger generation was lonelier than the older generations,” says Dr. Douglas Nemecek, the chief medical officer for behavioral health at Cigna.
Members of Generation Z, born between the mid-1990s and the early 2000s, had an overall loneliness score of 48.3. Millennials, just a little bit older, scored 45.3. By comparison, baby boomers scored 42.4. The Greatest Generation, people ages 72 and above, had a score of 38.6 on the loneliness scale.
I have no idea why anyone would be surprised at the fact that younger people are most lonely and older people least. I would bet that when the “Greatest Generation” members were young, they were even less lonely than they are now, because old age sometimes does lead to increased loneliness (and by the way, people over 72 are not Greatest Generation members for the most part; they are the “Silent Generation” and Boomers. The Greatest Generation is mostly dead, and its very youngest members are 97 at this point.) But as a generation, the Greatest and the Silents tended to have more ties to other people than young people do today.
I think of my parents and their friends. My parents were so old they weren’t even the “Greatest”—according to the chart, the were the “Lost” generation. They grew up in a certain community and lived there all their lives, although my mother briefly moved to New England to be near me in her extreme old age. The community in which they lived was tight – that is, few people moved away and the entire crowd had known each other since at least high school, with just a few newcomers who had entered mostly through marriage.
This community wasn’t just tight and stable, it was also enormous. My parents knew – really, really knew – hundreds of people. My mother spoke on the phone almost daily to ten people or more, and my parents socialized most nights of the week. Some of this socializing wasn’t strictly social, but involved projects and volunteer work and fundraising.
I thought this was normal. Maybe back then, it was. Now, it’s not. I have moved quite a few times, and what’s more many of my friends have moved away, so that now they are spread out (the survivors among them, that is) all over the country. Phone and email and internet can theoretically keep far-flung people in touch, but the reality is that distance and lack of community makes it much easier for friendships to fade. Proximity isn’t everything, but it’s a lot. And few of my friends know each other, so there’s little community there.
One of the things that article I linked to at the beginning of this post fails to mention is that loneliness has two basic dimensions. A person can score high in one but low in another. For example, I would never say my relationships aren’t meaningful or close. They are. Nor would I say that no one understands me, except in the general sense that no one completely understands anybody (including himself or herself).
What I would say, though, and do say, is that I lack acquaintances in the neighborhood, a social mix of casual friends who get together. This is despite a host of efforts I’ve made to join various groups and associations and develop such relationships. And although I have three good friends nearby, they are extraordinarily busy and/or quite ill and I don’t see them as often as I’d like.
So when I took that survey referred to in the study – the UCLA loneliness scale – I came out only “moderately lonely,” and just barely. In other words, apparently I’m actually a bit less lonely than most Americans. I’m almost positive that’s because my answers to all the questions about closeness indicated that I had quite a few people who are close to me, but my answers to the questions about socializing indicated loneliness.
Young people move around a lot move than people used to. They switch jobs more, they divorce more, they marry less and later, they have fewer children. Their entertainment and their affiliative behavior tends to be more solitary; the old Bowling Alone syndrome, which is about lack of community even more than lack of friends.
I have an online community: you. It’s wonderful, but it’s not the same.
I’m kind of a recluse. I go weeks at a time without leaving home. Pre-Covid record was eight straight months.
You can never go wrong with McCartney of course but the perfect song for this post is ‘Lonely People’ by America and written and performed by Dan Peek.
An absolutely beautiful song that still resonates 50+ years later.
I believe the digital era has enhanced isolation. Texting unseen people on a cell phone is very common, but done alone, so isolating. I texted an old friend I had not seen in 2 years. He texted, “I’m coming over to see you”. And he did; it was good.
Cicero,
Yep and it goes the same with online ‘friends’. IMO you can’t really be friends with someone you have never actually met face to face and spent time with. Some people actually delude themselves into thinking online and real life friends are in some way equal. They are not even close to equal.
Well, could be worse, could all be bots!
It is indeed nice to come here and read Neo’s essays and the comments of the sensible people who post here. I wish y’all lived nearby so I could meet you for real. I live now in a new neighborhood of 32 houses; we meet monthly at one of the nearby breweries (there are many!) and so I know some of them. There’s no other socializing, however, except for a women’s book club. They read contemporary fiction and, judging from some comments and Facebook posts, they are to my left ideologically and theologically. My new church is friendly and that helps some. So yes, I guess I’m lonely. I’m an introvert, I’m not a “typical” woman, and I’m used to it.
As an extreme introvert GenX (original latch-key kid with afternoons alone) and married to another this isn’t a problem. We do have remote family we see at holidays and a small number of close friends who live remote (one who visited a couple of nights recently) but by and large we go out and do things like dine and travel, but don’t ’socialize’ and don’t do anything other than wave or quick chats with neighbors (where I ache to get away). Even if one of us is away for a bit on their own visit, the one of us sitting at home alone for a week is sort of a nice break.
So I think this needs a second axis of introversion/extroversion because quite frankly I’m like the Dostoevsky joke of loving humanity in theory but not in practice.
A lot.of it is due to your ” world” fading away.
I always find it amusing that the same group that would release “I Want to Hold Your Hand” (Adolescent but likeable.) in only 3 years would evolve into the creators of Eleanor Rigby. Also surprising is for a rock band of that time to dare to record a song that has no bass or drums. Just strings unless I am mistaken. The older I get the more I realize just how talented they were. And they barely lasted 10 years!
Lonely, yes I am. But mostly after 5 PM. Feed my Girls (Cats), take out the house trash, a bit on the Net, make Dinner between 6 and 6:30. Eat while watching TV, clean up, more TV, until around 10. Then its the Net. My Best Friend (my Other Brother) and I talk on the phone several times a week. We take Historical Tours together. A neighbor and I have become, I think, good friends. We are members of the same club, Widowers. I interact with several neighbors weekly. I go to the gym 2 to 5 afternoons a week. Gets me out of the house and around people. When the weather is not too hot and humid in the summer, I am out in my yard. I have 2.5 acres in a small, rural subdivision.
As I said, evening are the worse. My friend and another neighbor, a Widow, agree that evenings are the worse.
“My parents knew – really, really knew – hundreds of people.”
Exactly…for my family it was a combination of church, work, neighbors and regular contact in the places they went in the normal course of life. My 96 (yesterday!) year old mother still writes letters/cards to the children and grandchildren of her friends…most of whom have died…but generationally she stays connected. She makes new friends as easily as she breathes.
“The older I get the more I realize just how talented they were. And they barely lasted 10 years!”
As I have gotten serious with guitar since retiring (about an hour a day), I can concur. In my youth I never appreciated the talent of the Beatles. Now, I see their genius in songwriting. Maybe because they weren’t formally trained they didn’t obey the rules. Beautiful and unexpected chord changes. Actually, Lennon and Harrison are my favorites over McCartney.
I agree that people are lonelier than they used to be. But, I think your parents are outliers. Americans are famous for moving around. When I think of my friends, everyone has siblings that are somewhere else, the same with my parents generation. Myself, 5 children- 2 in their hometown and 3 in distant states (I’m happy that they are very close) and my friends have similar situations. So I don’t agree with your premise.
Yep, getting old is kind of a strange experience for me, I was born in 1945 and grew up in a small 5,000 population town where my mom had been born and my dad came there in the late 1920’s. They had a lot of friends, played cards regularly and mom was the church organist, except for her college years she played for the same church from 1920 until six months before she died in 1986, if the church doors were open they, and often all of us were there. As they aged out she played for a lot of funerals and my folks got used to their friends aging on out.
Now it appears it is my turn and I have lost some very dear close friends the last few years and I am watching famous folks, younger than me, dying out from week to week. I went back to work in 2009 because of insurance costs since I was not old enough for medicare at the time and had some bouts of cancer. Our insurance expense declined from $1,800 per month to $300 per month with my health plan for my wife and myself working for a nice European owned company. I also had a lot of young folks, in their 20’s and 30’s working in the same room where we could cut up a bit and go on break and to lunch together. That was fun after being retired for over four years and I am still in touch with some of that group along with other old time friends from the years we lived in Dallas from 1989 until 2013 when we moved to the Texas Hill Country close to my Stepdaughter and her family since my two kids live in Michigan and Colorado and those places get cold with snow.
This year because one of the founding members of our Dove hunting group, usually about 25 people, took a walk in the woods last Veteran Day and he disappeared, he is one of my closest friends and his loss has been hard. The search for my friend Charles https://www.bringcharleshome.com/ has been halted for the time being until there is a freeze in North Georgia to reduce some of the vegetation. The loss of some dear, close friends is a natural part of aging and I don’t feel much need to replace them so there is that kind of lonely.
My prayers and concern go out to Neo and Family as they go through this hospital stuff which can be frustrating at times and I hope the outcome this time is good and the ex can move forward in better health.
physicsguy: a wonderful soliloquiy. Thank you. I feel the same. I hunt doves too in LA!
I look at my parents, dad ( now deceased ) born in 1941 and mom ( born in 1945) . They each had three full blood siblings. With the exception of one of my mother’s siblings, all were involved in their churches. These were small to medium sized churches where a regular member would know pretty much every other regular member by name. That and extended family was much of their social life.
People not involved in religious activities miss out on that manner of social interaction.
In order to advance at your job, many times you have to keep moving. Frequently moving societies are lonely societies.
That collagey, Pop Art segment in “Yellow Submarine” for “Eleanor Rigby” is my favorite. It holds up marvelously well.
The animators are the unsung heroes of “Yellow Submarine.” Overworked and underpaid and under ferocious deadline pressure throughout. They had to raid local art schools for talent.
It wasn’t like sending a “Simpsons” storyboard to Korea to be turned into real cartoons.
Amazing, beautiful, innovative work. “Yellow Submarine” paved the way for Terry Gilliam’s pieces in “Monty Python.”
@ Neo: “And few of my friends know each other, so there’s little community there.”
That remark strikes me as having more impact and significance than we might normally realize. The older lifestyle and more urban environments probably had more “cross over friendshps” from localized living. So if you had not heard from Bill you learned about Bill from Tom, etc. because they also knew each other.
Smaller families, personal or personalized entertainments, job hopping, moves to suburbia, all created more fragmented social groupings and reduced overall networking.
Some people are also just skilled at socializing and networking – more outgoing than many of the rest of us.
Dear OldTexan,
It breaks my heart, the loss of your missing hunter best friend Charles.
I can barely imagine your grief.
And I see there will be a memorial for him on Sept. 19.
I am deeply, deeply sorry for your loss.
— Marlene
I knew a woman who grew up in a Wyoming ranch, the nearest neighbor was 12 miles away. The kids had to entertain themselves when time allowed.
When I was a high schooler, my father told me that I could have a lot of ‘friends’ but that over the course of my life there would only be a few people – beside family – that really mattered deeply. This was not at all cynical, my father was an honest, kind and loving man. He wanted me to choose friends wisely and not over invest in casual relationships. I’ve found it to be true, for me. I have a couple of friends that have lots of friends, though, and sometimes I wonder if I’m just too lazy to have lots of friends! I love hanging at home, working on the house and in the garden, reading, keeping up with my kids and grands and the rest of the family. I don’t seem to have the time or energy for much else!
And I really value the people I have known all my life and try to keep in touch more than just the holiday newsletter – I have made one or two close friends since adulthood, but the people who knew you when you were ‘young and foolish’ and still love you, well…
Also, I feel that my husband and I ‘grew up together’ even though we didn’t meet until our early 20’s. If I lost him it would be a real blow and yes then I would be lonely.
Old Texan,
A few years ago we had a case of an elderly parent go missing in my semi rural neighborhood. The active search for him was the longest for any missing person search here in modern times. His body was finally found after several months. His son’s house (from where he went missing) was in the neighborhood and the headquarters of the search was based two houses up the street from mine. Very tragic situation and I feel for you and others in the same position. At the same time it was so moving to see the amount of volunteer and caring effort to find him and bring peace to his family. I hope that same peace will come to you.
At some point, we had a choice between
Bess Motta* and Greta Thunberg.
We can turn around and chose joy.
*For the few who have forgotten:
Bess: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIMgMqDznt0
“The Beatles” at their best.
==
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGj85pVzRJs
==
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_V6y1ZCg_8
Related?
“Not many people know this, but in Scandinavia, there is a huge loneliness epidemic among women….”
https://instapundit.com/819828/
I took the survey and it doesn’t really distinguish between very introverted and lonely. I’m very introverted — in college, I’d got to parties with a book and sort on the sofa reading. If I socialized, I’d be in the kitchen, and even then, just talking to one, maybe two people. But I don’t feel lonely — but then, I don’t think too much about whether i can count on people, people letting me down. The one person who really let me down the most had nothing to do with me being lonely or not.
But back to young people feeling lonely: WHY WON’T THEY JOIN STUFF?!?!
I recently worked on a project in which a former sorority house was being converted. The Panhellenic system at that school is less than half of what it was when I was in college. It saddened me.
Once I went out on the working world, I joined various professional organizations and found many friends through them. The two I’m still involved with have membership rolls less than half of when I initially joined. I was talking to a colleague my age and he made it a condition of his employees’ performance reviews to join one of them — and they stop don’t.
Churches are dying. My old home town has had three once large congregations dwindle down to closing up shop.
If they are so lonely — they CAN do something about it.
Not sure how common this was, back in the day. From maybe age five, i recall lliving in a kid-dense environment. Dad moved to Detroit for work and we lived in an apartment complex where almost everybody had kids. Thence to a suburban post-war subdivision. On second thought, pretty much my entire school district was a post-war subdivision. Few homes on any block lacked kids. Average was probably 2,3 per household. Pretty much everybody’s father was a vet. All othe adults had lived through the war, one way or another. You couldn’t go anyplace without meeting others pretty much just like you. Early intro convo with men was something like, “Army? Navy? Oh, yeah. Where?” “Which is your kid?” So you couldn’t miss opportunities to make friends in this atmosphere, along with the usual ways. Didn’t have to make play dates; just go out on the front porch and look around,
From Lee Also: “If they are so lonely — they CAN do something about it.’
That’s an unrealistic take, IMO.
Most introverts don’t have the skills or the skin.
I grew up in a hellish environment with a father who was a control maniac and a rager + beater. He came from a similar situation.
We were very isolated, & taught that towing the line to preserve the “family image” was vital to our existence.
Abuse was the norm.
I totally expect that is only more common, nowadays.
@Marlene: From Lee Also: “If they are so lonely — they CAN do something about it.’
That’s an unrealistic take, IMO.
I’ll second Marlene on that.
I first noticed I was alone at the age of 7 when my parents divorced. My father drove off and I only saw him one more time. He was the stable parent, the one I knew who loved me unconditionally. And now he was gone.
A lot of bad stuff kept happening after that. More and more I built my own inner world of missions and satisfaction.
This turned out to be good training for the world in which we now live.
It’s true — you don’t have to feel lonely when you’re alone. It takes some work though. That’s my answer to Lee Also’s claim.
There are ways; For example, presume you attend church. The word is, ‘We’re supporting the Feeding America truck Friday. Need volunteers. St. Pat’s parking lot quarter to nine, should be wrapped up by eleven.” If you go, you may not see any friends, in the traditional sense if you are not built to make and keep friends. But there will be acquaintances or at least people you recognize from Sunday mornings. Better than nothing and you might get an improvement, if only slight. But….you have to attend church first for this to happen. If you can’t make yourself do that…. So there are stages, in a manner of speaking.
Life here in southern California has changed dramatically for us over the last 6 years. The pandemic seems to have created a massive shift and MANY people moved out of state–friends and family. So we went from a large base to a MUCH smaller one. We moved toward Orange county to be in proximity to the one son and his family so we could spend our time with the grands and have used all our travel time to go up the coast to be with the other 2 families and their children. We will be closing our office in the next 2 months and moving north. I have no idea what our life will look like. Other than our family with the one grandchild and the 4 hour round trip to be with the other 4 grands, it will be a new slate of procuring friendships at a late in life stage. We are devout Catholics and the Carmel Basilica will be our home parish. Also nearby there is a monastery with cloistered nuns where we will be able to attend daily Mass and enjoy walking the grounds. I love birds and gardens and hope to join something along those lines, but we will be operating with 1 car, something we haven’t done since forever. It is very expensive to retire in California but this is where our family lives. I don’t anticipate loneliness–I, myself, know how to enjoy being with people and being alone. By and large I notice people seem to prefer their phones more than conversations with people along the way. I’m not one of them.
Churches can certainly soak up one’s free time in a group setting. They can take the bite off loneliness. It’s a higher bar to find real connections if that is what one is looking for.
I spent nine years in three Christian churches. It was interesting, at times meaningful, and I met people. That was about it. After 9-11 the politics became gradually too unpleasant and I left.
I suppose I could have looked for a more compatible church, but my heart wasn’t in it.
Since then I’ve chosen to focus on building my own life without relying on people. Works for me. No disrespect to those who take other approaches.
Self-reliance is an inside job.
I’m in a similar situation to yours, Neo, in that I have at least three people who really get me, who enjoy me (husband, daughter, and son) but I don’t have a network of regular acquaintancey-friends.
I’m happy for you that you have three good, close friends! I too had three friends but one recently died, one dumped me over politics/Covid, and the third one has gotten super-eccentric and although she has approached me to reconcile, I can’t get past the fact that she betrayed me, basically, over today’s culture wars. I still think about accepting her invitation to reconnect though.
After early retirement, my work friends faded away despite my efforts to stay in some moderate relationship.
So yeah, I’m lonely, but not in despair as I would be if I didn’t have family.
huxley. Point about church is that’s where there are a lot of people whom at least you’d recognize on the street and chat with. Place to start. And a lot of them in one place, couple of times a month. Plus groups actually doing stuff instead of arguing politics. I enjoy being a thorn in the pew cushion. Lots of good folks where one might start. Same goes for other civic organizations. You can be personally involved with other persons as far as you want to beyond the actual activities. Never know who’ll turn up.
Richard Aubrey:
Of course I understand that. However, after all those years I concluded the trade-off for my finite time wasn’t worth it.
Some say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
I think that’s an overstatement, but there’s a nut of truth to it. If something isn’t working, after a while try something else.
@ Richard Aubrey > “You can be personally involved with other persons as far as you want to beyond the actual activities. Never know who’ll turn up.”
The point I would take from this advice is that you can’t make a “real friend” if you don’t have some “auditions” — and maybe someone is looking for a friend just like yourself at the same places!
On the other hand, some of the problem is that there are fewer people (in absolute numbers) in most countries; where the numbers are high, many times the communities are not mixing, so one’s own “familiar” group is in fact getting smaller.
On the gripping hand, introverts be like:
https://accordingtohoyt.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/substack-a5ad1a9d-8deb-40d8-9746-a2334977ecf2.jpg
@ Donnie > “I think your parents are outliers.”
Not for that generation, as other people have noted.
My parents knew each other in high school, married after WW2 (not 11), and lived in the same town until they died. My mother was active in church and community groups; my father was in retail on main street; his parents still lived in town (although his siblings moved away, they visited regularly; ditto my mother’s family).
They literally knew hundreds of people, and had many close friends that I and my siblings also knew, and even stayed in touch with after we moved (most of them have passed away now, of course).
Now, however, families and old friends are much more scattered, and in my generation they are starting to pass away as well (my BFF from home is still alive, and I saw her this year).
Interestingly, one of my sons has kept up with a few of the kids he knew in school, and they visit each other fairly frequently, so it is possible to be part of the “screen generation” and still have old close friends in addition to new ones.
But then, he is the one extravert in our family….
I’ve come to see myself, my family and my friends as pioneers facing the social disintegration of American society.
We were 50 years ahead of our time, We weren’t entirely innocent, though it made some sense at the time.
I’m not proud of it, but it is what it is.
___________________________________
Come gather ’round, people, wherever you roam
And admit that the waters around you have grown
And accept it that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth saving
And you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone
For the times, they are a-changin’
–Bob Dylan, “The Times They Are A-Changin’”
___________________________________
The damage has been done. We aren’t going back to “I Like Ike.” What do we do now?
Sock hops on Friday, dates on Saturday and church on Sunday?
Congrats to those who have preserved an island of previously known American community. But the majority of Americans aren’t living in that world.
What do we do now?
Point is , if you go where there are lots of people, your chances improve and many don’t demand any. more of your person personally involved than you want. Comfortable.
Anyone else find it difficult to suss out the best way to volunteer your time? I would like to be more productive, to get out of the house, and to at least hang out around people if not perhaps get lucky and start some friendships.
Admittedly I haven’t made this a full-time search or anything, partly because I got discouraged when I first took an early retirement. Covid shut everything down, and politics permeated everything like a poison gas. I live in the Philadelphia area.
Otherwise, I have grown very jealous of my flexible schedule, so signing up for a regular commitment—say, volunteering at an animal shelter every Tuesday—does not appeal. But something like “we need volunteers the Thursday afternoon” would be great.
Anyway, don’t want to whine. I’m an introvert so each foray into a new social setting takes energy and courage—and each setback gets more discouraging. I do enjoy the online repartee here at Salon Neo. Ya’ll are some based and interesting folks!
Rigel. Not advertising for Christianity, although I think I’m supposed to. Anyway, you can go to church without an appointment or arranging to drive someone else. You can say hello courteously and as much more as you feel comfortable. if the social hour features baked goods, you might grab one and talk briefly to the next in line about which looks best. Announcements will tell you about what looks like a one-time volunteer event. when you get there somebody will tell you what to do. “Give me a hand with these tables, will you?” “Line up the milk here and open the crates under the table. You got a knife?” Then pack up, simple enough, and it’s done. Meantime speaking to others near you about what’s happening; “This is my first time. How long has this been going on?” Not personal but getting there at your pace. Many churches hand out service programs with prayers and scriptural references and more announcements which may include something that is both interesting and looks as if you can get your person personally involved with other persons at your own pace, Pick the one-times. Lots of things will cross your path without drafting you. Some churches have a “meal train”. This is a separate email source. “Mrs. Jones had knee surgery. Mr. Jones is working second shift. They could use a meal.” Looks like next Tuesday’s open so…..Take it or leave it. Nobody knows the diff. But it passes in front of you for your choice.
I’m an introvert who has stumbled in recent years into a community of people for whom interaction and service are a given. It felt weird at first, but now that I’ve seen the social style in action in the context of a number of emergencies, I’m sold. I first put out the bat signal when my husband was suddenly stuck in the hospital for a while, not very nearby, and I needed someone to deal with a lot of dogs and cats until I could get back. Gradually I hired some of them to help me with the animals and got to know them better. Some of them have big extended families nearby. Throw in a church community and a natural disaster or two, and you see how people raised in a different tradition find it commonplace to drop everything and go help out an isolated neighbor in need.
Last weekend a handful of us intervened for a neighbor who suddenly lost her son in a distant city. She’s nearly blind and living in a small apartment with three big dogs. We realized while she was gone for 3 days that she was completely overwhelmed, so we cleaned her place and bathed her dogs and did all her laundry, along with some basic repair and paint. It was spontaneous and well-populated. I realized that these people do this kind of thing all the time, for family, close friends, or just people they hear about in the neighborhood. There are a lot of elderly people trying to age in place without family, friends, or a church. It’s not working for them.
I’m not much of a club-joiner. I do better when given an emergency task. I get help, I give help.
Richard Aubrey: I am definitely a Christian, although I don’t go to any church at this time. I do appreciate your kindly and correct suggestions.
I am actually very good at navigating the immediate social situations, even though I am an introvert. I am considerate, humorous without coming off like a nutter, and know how to start small talk and then take the conversation to a more interesting place—I think that just about everyone has a story and something they can teach you if you show interest.
Church offers good opportunities. I haven’t found a church to my liking around here though. Our local parish (I am very familiar with Catholicism although I am not a full-fledged Catholic) is full of people I am acquainted with, including a woman who was my boss at the District Attorney’s office. Here’s where my introversion comes into play. I don’t like all that history and the weirdness factor now that we are technically on equal footing again, and Inrun into her constantly at church functions.
I tried a local Episcopal church, they were sweet but WOKE.
I haven’t abandoned the idea of church though, not least because I do want spiritual sustenance beyond my own daily prayers.