Judson’s last ride
This is a beautiful essay by Sean Trende, about his autistic son’s growing up. Highly recommended.
The New Neo
A blog about political change, among other things
This is a beautiful essay by Sean Trende, about his autistic son’s growing up. Highly recommended.
My goodness, that was tough to read w/out tears streaming down one’s face. Thank you for the recommendation.
Well-written, with lots of love. He hopes that if there’s a “cure” someday Judson will read it and know how much he has been loved.
Thank you neo.
A moving story, well written. Thanks for the link!
And here’s a reminder to Neophils: if you’re shopping the sales this weekend, using Neo’s link doesn’t cost you any more. I almost forgot when buying a new computer. Th bad news, Neo, is I got another Mac!
Onion chopping ninjas are on the loose again…..
Clearly he loves his son, but there’s an area that needs clarification. The father stated that Judson is now being sent to a group home and stated he feared potential unhappiness for Judson.
Won’t they visit? Wouldn’t they then know whether he’s happy or not? So why the feared worries? If they’re not going to visit often, then that seems a form of abandonment. Perhaps it’s just me but this seems off somehow like “well kid, its sink or swim time”. Unspoken is the new reality; “if you sink, well… we may or may not be able to be there for you”. Who ships off to ‘boarding school’ a loving, happy, ‘3-yr old’? What possible reason for sending him away at all? Responsibility for a perpetual 3 yr old doesn’t end with ‘graduation’.
Beautiful. Thank you Neo for posting.
Geoffrey Britain:
I have little doubt they’ll be visiting. But this is the logical next step for an 18-year-old, and group homes can be the best solution if they’re good. I think Trende is just saying he hopes that his son will continue to be happy, as he was when he was in school. With a kid who’s not good at expressing himself, the family has to rely on their perception of his mood, and on the reports of the group home staff.
Having Hudson stay at home, now that he’s 18, would probably narrow his horizons rather than broadening them. Nor would it be a happy thing for him, probably, because he’s used to school and likes the group setting there. Plus, it would probably necessitate at least one parent quitting work and staying home and taking over the caretaking full time, and the loss of income would be difficult (plus they have two younger children to support and educate). Alternatively, if both parents keep working outside the home, they would have to hire fulltime caretakers for Judson, which is mega-expensive. A group home would probably be best for everyone concerned, but some anxiety about the transition is completely understandable.
I am convinced that today’s “Autism” is often a cover for insufficient/incapable parenting yielding poor outcomes. Blame something, but deny one’s own shortcomings. Or blame crappy DNA. I do not read these wailings any more.
What exactly is “crappy DNA” oh wise Juan?
Cicero, this is clearly not a marginal case like a smart eccentric kid being diagnosed with “Asperger’s Syndrome”.
I’m wondering what prompts someone to spend time writing and posting a comment about an essay they haven’t read, and label that unread content as part of a group of “wailings”?
Crappy DNA? Insufficient parenting in the past?? Or a desire to reveal one’s own shortcomings?
Once they figured out what Asperger’d been up to in his spare time, all the Aspies disappeared. Surfaced at the milder end of The Spectrum.
Knew a guy who was having trouble in his personal life. Worked in our office. If somebody told a joke, he’d be earnestly trying to explain why the premise of the joke was incorrect. His hobbies were solo. fixing up cars, and knowing guns, although he didn’t often go to the range. Talked to me at work for some time about his “life coach”. Eventually, he got out of sales and is now an accountant, living a solitary social life. He just didn’t “get” people and social situations. I suppose he could be diagnosed, but to what end?
Eventually, this may all accumulate in sadness and helplessness and ….
CICERO
You sound like a crappy old man that does not have any idea what autism is, yet, decides to hold forth with your uninformed opinion bereft of knowledge and sympathy.
I have personal experience with this. Why don’t you just STFU and rest in your ignorance.
Trende writes “What if there’s just a handful of people at his graveside, and he becomes a curiosity in the graveyard, an old man mysteriously laid to rest next to his parents. People passing by might invent stories – ‘I don’t know honey, must be an old man whose heart was broken and never married’ – with the wonderous reality of his life slipping into myth.”
My mother died about fifteen years ago. Several years later I learned, thanks to genealogical research, that she had an older half brother that I’m positive she never knew about.
Her father had been married before he married her mother. He and his first wife had a kid and not long after, they got divorced. The child stayed with his mother. About ten years later, my mother’s father then married my grandmother. He died when my mom was still a very young child. About ten years after that, his first wife died. Their son was almost twenty. He went to live with his aunt, his mother’s sister. He was living with her when he died at the age of 46. That was in the early 60’s.
Since learning of him, and of what little I know of his history, I’ve wondered if he had been somehow disabled — maybe mentally challenged. The 1910’s were a very different time. When his aunt died, she was likely laid by him. (She never married.) If someone passes by their graves, and sees the headstone, they may wonder as Trende writes above.
Trende’s essay has inspired me to learn more about a half-uncle i know nothing about.
My youngest brother is challenged. Has been in a group home for several years and does well. We see him and take him out for the day every other week.
All parents should be like Mr. Trende…full of hope, kindness, willing to teach their child all they can, doing what’s best for the child, and love…love in full, always love.