I got a voicemail this morning from my Medicare Part D provider. “We have some important information about your prescription!” it said insistently. And, unlike scam calls, it knew my full name.
Far be it from me to ignore such a thing. The mystery beckoned. Would it be something like, “We no longer cover it” or “You have to jump through another hoop to get it”? Would it be that the price had gone up?
When I called back, of course I had to prove that I’m really myself. It turned out that meant, among other things, saying my birth date – which for some reason these bots never understand when I say it no matter how well I try to enunciate. But there’s the handy keypad for that if all else fails. And then I had to climb a long flight of stairs to get my card, because they needed my ID number. And then a few more things. And then a few more. And then, finally to the point of the whole thing.
They were reminding me that I’m due to fill my prescription. That was it. I tried to explain that I had many pills left and didn’t need to refill it now, but the bot did not understand. That possibility was not within its Venn diagram of possible events in the world. The patient, calm, and yet strongly insisted quasi-female voice kept asking me whether I had filled it, but any “no” response got a flurry of further questions about whether I’d seen my doctor and whether my doctor had advised me to go off the medication. A “No!” “NO!” from me only elicited escalating misunderstanding from the bot, until I finally hung up and called customer service, where I had to plug in all those numbers and verify myself all over again.
I got to talk to a real person this time. But the real person said that in order to cancel reminders of that sort in the future I’d have to call the other number back. Although I tried to tell her that I didn’t think that would work, because the bot wasn’t programmed to do anything of the sort, the real person told me that was the only way to do it.
So it was back to the bot, laboriously authenticating myself again, and of course my attempt to cancel future reminders didn’t work. No matter how I tried, the bot did not understand. I hung up again, and then back to customer service, more authentication, and person number two, who graciously fixed the problem.
At least, she said she fixed it. I hope I don’t get any more of those reminders, but I wouldn’t bet money on it. And anyway, I get similar reminders from the pharmacy as texts, which are a lot easier to deal with.
The process was boring, time-consuming, and frustrating in a petty way that I realize has nothing to do with a real trial and tribulation. But it’s like chalk on a blackboard, and it took close to an hour from start to finish.



