Grieving
He was a presence in my life for nearly sixty years – first as young boyfriend, then as husband, then as ex-husband. But always, always, a central figure. And how he is gone.
He had some health problems, to be sure. But not fatal ones, or ones that were supposed to be fatal. But he got aspiration pneumonia after a relatively routine surgery and just couldn’t shake it. Yesterday he died.
The chain of events lasted about a month from start to finish. It felt like something unstoppable, although I continue to think something could have been done to stop it. Perhaps that’s unrealistic of me, but that’s how I feel. It was only a few days ago that I realized this train to death would not stop, and by then there wasn’t time to talk and plan.
He was the person who knew what we had gone through, the only person except me. He was the most intense relationship of my life. We had a child together – now a grown man with a family of his own, giving us grandchildren. My ex-husband was a wonderful father and grandfather, able to entertain any child for hours. He entertained me, too. One of his favorite ploys was, in the middle of an argument between us, to make a joke that stopped me in my tracks and cracked me up.
He was the person who could look at me now and remember me when I was a young woman. And I could look at him and remember him when he was a young man.
Now there are many sad tasks to perform – in particular the dismantling of all the carefully-assembled memorabilia and bric-a-brac and voluminous paperwork that are amassed in a long life by someone who very much liked to save things.
It is a tremendous loss for me.
Neo: condolences to you and your family. Peace to your ex.
“It felt like something unstoppable, although I continue to think something could have been done to stop it.” Had that experience with my mother. Still hurts.
So very sorry to hear of the passing of your ex-husband. I’m glad that you were able to maintain a positive relationship and appreciation of each other even though it no longer worked for you both to stay married, and that you could be there for him in his illness and final days.
I’d be interested to see an obituary, if you’re comfortable sharing.
Praying for you, your family, and him.
May he rest in peace.
God bless you in these hard places and hard sad times.
My deepest condolences to you.
A moving, and beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing. And condolences on your loss. You remain in my prayers.
Thanks for sharing the last month with us—sad though it may be.
Everyone here is supporting you. Anything we can do, just ask.
Your sorrow weighs heavy on my heart, but I can’t find the words to convey the depth of my sympathy. May God give you peace and your ex-husband eternal rest in His loving arms.
Your divorce must have been painful, but it sounds like you were blessed with with a good marriage while it lasted. Try to concentrate on the good times, and forget the problems.