The Today show has never been part of my life. I’m most definitely not a morning person. And I’m not a TV news person either. So although I was familiar with the name “Matt Lauer,” he’s not only not been a fixture in my life, he’s someone who before yesterday I probably knew virtually nothing about except that he was a TV newsperson (and that he reminded me somewhat of Saturday Night Live’s Kevin Nealon in looks).
So my interest in the Lauer story—two longish posts yesterday, one short and one long today—isn’t an interest an Lauer himself. It’s an interest in what his story says about the phenomenon as a whole. Of course, there’s the danger of generalizing. But here’s what I’ve gleaned from today’s MSM revelations.
Lauer has released a mea culpa of sorts that goes like this [emphasis mine]:
There are no words to express my sorrow and regret for the pain I have caused others by words and actions. To the people I have hurt, I am truly sorry. As I am writing this I realize the depth of the damage and disappointment I have left behind at home and at NBC.
Some of what is being said about me is untrue or mischaracterized, but there is enough truth in these stories to make me feel embarrassed and ashamed. I regret that my shame is now shared by the people I cherish dearly.
Repairing the damage will take a lot of time and soul searching and I’m committed to beginning that effort. It is now my full time job. The last two days have forced me to take a very hard look at my own troubling flaws. It’s been humbling. I am blessed to be surrounded by the people I love. I thank them for their patience and grace.
What I take away from that statement—what fairly leapt out at me—was the emphasis on shame rather than guilt. You can read a lot of definitions of the difference between the two, but I’m using them in the way I learned them back in college, which differs from some of those definitions. What I see in Lauer—and what I suspect is common with a lot of the famous people who have been named as sexual predators—is that he seems to have never really considered what he was doing until the public revelations and condemnation.
In other words, he felt little or no internal guilt about it. He now feels shame, however, because it has become public.
This distinction is relevant even if Lauer thought every single sexual encounter he had was consensual. Leaving aside whether that’s true or not, let’s just assume it’s true. Even then, as a married man, he would be guilty of breaking his marriage vows. Not just once or twice, but over and over and over in a sort of compulsive womanizing. But he seems not to have considered taking a “very hard look” at his “troubling flaws” until they were publicly revealed. And that’s if we believe the sincerity of his statement; it may not even be sincere.
That’s not quite psychopathic territory, but it’s morally troubling just the same. And I don’t think it’s in the least uncommon. For many people, their internal conscience has gone awry, and it’s what the public knows (whether “the public” be as large as Lauer’s was or as small as a village) that counts. There are whole cultures that seem to run that way—called “honor/shame” cultures—but ours is not ordinarily one of them.
That brings us to a different topic that came out today, the story told by one of Lauer’s accusers. If Lauer’s “confession” brought shame/guilt to mind, her tale makes me think of Stanley’s Milgram’s “obedience to authority” research.
I’ve written about the research before; here’s part of my summary of what it was about:
The gist of it was Milgram’s shocking (literally) finding that ordinary people in this country could be persuaded to inflict what they thought were painful electric jolts to “subjects” (actually, actors) in what was billed as a learning experiment, if an authoritative “researcher” (also an actor) told them it was okay.
This was true for most subjects even if the “victim” was screaming in pain and complained of a weak heart. It was also true if the “doctor” didn’t have a white coat, and was in a lab in a seedier part of town. No actual shocks were administered, but I recall that, in follow-up interviews, most of the subjects thought the shocks were real.
Milgram varied the details of the experiment over and over (read his book if you have time; it’s a masterpiece of its genre), but the results always pointed to the troubling fact that the majority of people failed to “question authority”…
I brought up Milgram more recently in one of my posts on women’s reactions to sexual overtures by powerful men, wondering why so many seemed compliant even when they didn’t want to say “yes” (I’m leaving out the many silent ones who apparently said yes and wanted to, or decided to do it to further their careers). In that post I also mentioned the favorite saying of everybody’s mother “If he jumped off a cliff, would you follow him?”
Apparently, as with many of Milgram’s subjects (women and men) the answer is “yes, if he’s a powerful person who might hurt my career.” Or maybe even “yes, if he’s a powerful person.”
Which brings us to the newest story by a Lauer accuser, appearing in the NY Times [emphasis mine]:
The woman who described the encounter in 2001 with Mr. Lauer in his office told The Times that the anchor had made inappropriate comments to her shortly after she started as a “Today” producer in the late 1990s.
While traveling with Mr. Lauer for a story, she said, he asked her inappropriate questions over dinner, like whether she had ever cheated on her husband. On the way to the airport, she said, Mr. Lauer sat uncomfortably close to her in the car; she recalled that when she moved away, he said, “You’re no fun.”
As far as I’m concerned, all of this is fairly mild and commonplace stuff, particularly in the late 90s. The bad part come later [emphasis mine]:
In 2001, the woman said, Mr. Lauer, who is married, asked her to his office to discuss a story during a workday. When she sat down, she said, he locked the door, which he could do by pressing a button while sitting at his desk. (People who worked at NBC said the button was a regular security measure installed for high-profile employees.)
The woman said Mr. Lauer asked her to unbutton her blouse, which she did.
Let’s pause here and contemplate that. Lauer is about to be unfaithful to his wife and is sexually approaching a subordinate as well; not good. But he asks her to unbutton her blouse and she complies. What was he supposed to think other than that she was consenting? Of course, there’s the power differential that he is ignoring and that was operating. But still, it seems that no overt coercion of any sort was involved (except whatever coercion she felt in her head, including being afraid of losing her job if she didn’t comply). But surely an adult ought to be able to resist something he or she really really doesn’t want to do—something as unusual as a woman unbuttoning a blouse—even if she thinks she might suffer some job consequences?
Would she obey anything Lauer had asked her, because of this fear? Or because of obedience to authority? What are the limits? What on earth is going on here? Is she an automaton with no mind of her own and no ability to say “no”? What kind of people are we churning out (she’s not of the younger generation, either; by my estimate she must be close to 60 now)? Her reaction seems to not be atypical, either. But why would she unbutton her blouse unless someone had a gun pointed at her head? Yes, yes, I know; he’s the boss, he’s a big wheel and all that. But what about integrity? What about self-respect? Are these archaic words?
To continue the story:
She said the anchor then stepped out from behind his desk, pulled down her pants, bent her over a chair and had intercourse with her. At some point, she said, she passed out with her pants pulled halfway down. She woke up on the floor of his office, and Mr. Lauer had his assistant take her to a nurse.
The woman told The Times that Mr. Lauer never made an advance toward her again and never mentioned what occurred in his office. She said she did not report the episode to NBC at the time because she believed she should have done more to stop Mr. Lauer. She left the network about a year later.
So at some point during the awful incident she actually seems to have fainted, which is rather classically Victorian. Until the moment she passed out, however, she seems to have remained silently compliant; at least, the article doesn’t mention her saying she even tried to fight him off or to verbally object. As the story stands, it seems that Lauer probably took her unbuttoning her blouse for consent to intercourse, and nothing disabused him of that notion until she passed out, when he became alarmed and summoned help. He never repeated the act, she never reported it, and there’s no mention of any consequences to her job (although she did leave a year later, perhaps because of how uncomfortable she was in that atmosphere).
This is not an excuse for Lauer, who is at best a compulsive philanderer and an insensitive clod. The story, however, is about something worse than that—a rape from her point of view. But should he have seen it that way, given her seeming compliance? And why did she cooperate? She sounds like the proverbial deer in the headlights, frozen in fear or shock. I can well understand acting that way if there’s a threat of bodily harm for resistance, but she doesn’t even allege that sort of thing. In fact, she (or the article, anyway) doesn’t explain her frozen state at all.
No doubt there’s more to the story. I don’t know if we’ll ever hear it. I probably won’t write anything more about Lauer, either; I’m heartily sick of the subject. But I think it tells us quite a bit about the mindset of offenders who are seemingly-conscienceless-but-shame-based and of certain frozen-in-fear/confusion/shock victims who cannot seem to muster up the courage to say “No!” to authority.