Tired of politics? Let’s talk about a much more pleasant topic: customer service.
And yes, that’s sarcasm – although, come to think of it, as frustrating as customer service can be these days, it actually is more pleasant than politics.
I had ordered something from Amazon that was difficult if not impossible to obtain elsewhere, and I needed it by this coming Monday. I had ordered it nearly three weeks prior to that, and the Amazon algorithm had assured me it would get here in time.
I waited patiently. But each time I tracked my order it hadn’t shipped yet. So today I decided to give Amazon a call.
The experience I had with customer service is hardly unique to Amazon; I find that it’s fairly typical these days. First I got some sort of computerized voice telling me I had to verify my account – even though I was on the cellphone that is connected to the account. They sent me a text, I did what the text said – but not fast enough for Amazon, apparently accustomed to the more nimble-figured young. Even though I’d done it quickly (as far as I was concerned), and a text message from Amazon said “Thanks for verifying your account,” the bot on the telephone thought otherwise: “We’re sorry, but you did not verify your account.”
Another phone call, another wait, and this time I knew enough to be lightning quick and successfully verified the account. But this time I got someone on the phone – an actual person – who insisted that my phone number should be something else.
I tried again. This time the verification worked. The person I was talking to had an accent, like all the others, but I could understand what she was saying without much difficulty. She told me that my order had gotten “stuck.” That was the exact word she used. When I asked where it had gotten stuck – at Amazon, or in the shipping process – she reluctantly admitted it seemed to have been sitting at Amazon all that time. But now, now it was unstuck and would be on its way.
I expressed concern that it might not get to me by Monday. All she would say was that I’d get an email in a day or two confirming the shipment. She could not or would not tell me another thing. So I said I didn’t want an email, I wanted the package. She stonewalled. I asked to speak to someone who might know more and would be empowered to help with this. She said everyone there had the same authority as she.
I’ve discovered with customer service these days, in the information duel in which they are determined to give out the least possible amount of information and the customer is determined to extract more information, that there are magic words that act like keys to open locked doors. One of those keys is, of course, the word “agent.” Another is the word “retention” (that’s for Comcast, for example). In this case I realized I’d not said the word “supervisor;” I’d merely asked to talk to a person above her who was empowered to do more. That is a supervisor, of course. But now I uttered the magic words, “I want to speak with a supervisor,” and she immediately answered “Okay” and put me on hold.
Awful muzak and a wait, during which I pondered whether there actually would be a supervisor, or whether this was a cruel practical joke by my customer service representative and I would wait and wait and wait for the supervisor who never came.
Fortunately, after maybe a ten-minute wait, a bona fide supervisor came on the line. I went through my tale of woe again. He told me that the previous person had released my package for shipment and that it “should” be here by Monday. I expressed doubt. He repeated Monday. Then I asked him how the package would be shipped, and whether, since this had been Amazon’s mistake, the shipping could be expedited by Amazon.
This question seemed to function as another magic word. “Okay, I’ll check!” he said brightly. When he came back he said it would cost me an extra $11.50. “Do you mean to tell me,” I said, “that Amazon – which was at fault here – would not cover the mailing at this point?” He assured me that, although he wasn’t able to do that at this moment, Amazon would ultimately reimburse me.
Do I believe this? Perhaps. But I okayed the payment and the thing should come to me tomorrow.
And it only took about an hour and a half.


