Update on my ex-husband
I spent the earlier part of today sitting in on my ex’s first home sessions with a nurse and then a speech therapist. So I decided it might be time for an update here for those of you who are curious how he’s doing.
The answer is that he’s making slow progress. He seems stronger on almost every dimension, although he’s still got a long way to go. I’m still quite involved in dealing with it, although the pressure on me has somewhat lessened. I choose to keep the details vague when I write about the situation here, in order to protect his privacy. But it’s really been a difficult experience for me – and of course for him.
He was in the hospital for a couple of days and then a rehab hospital for two weeks, and the latter recommended that he go to a step-down rehab facility for a few more weeks after that. They were very negative about the idea of his going home, but he insisted. At the time, I didn’t think he made the right decision, but at this point I’ve changed my mind because (knock wood) he’s doing better at home than they predicted and than I imagined. The visit from our son helped a great deal, too. He lives so far away, and he has a demanding job and a family, but he took four days off to devote to his father and I’m so so glad he did.
The program of home visits for a while from physical therapists and the like is one of the great benefits of Medicare. Of course, success depends on the patients’ practicing the exercises at home between visits, and I bet a lot of patients don’t manage to do that, especially if they live alone and have no one to nag them. My ex lives alone, but he has me to nag him.
God bless you Neo!
As I slowly retired from my trade I did part-time in-home caregiving for three years. The clients were always so excited and enthusiastic when the PT came for a visit. And without exception, they never wanted to do the exercises on their own or with the caregivers.
Neo, you have mentioned Parkinson’s as being among the problems your ex faces. My father was greatly helped by a speech therapist when he had Parkinson’s. For those who don’t know, SLPs do swallowing therapy which helps many people with nutrition and with avoidance of aspiration of food in the bronchial tubes.
We had at-home PT yesterday for my husband’s new knee. So much easier than loading him up in the truck and hauling him over to outpatient PT. We’ll be doing that after two weeks. But unlike your ex, he’s in good shape otherwise and very motivated to get better as fast as possible.
My 70-year-old husband herniated a disk a couple of years ago. The hospital staff wanted to discharge him into a rehab facility, which he refused. They predicted he wouldn’t do the home PT necessary to regain function, which was a good call on the averages, but he surprised me by taking the advice of one of the PTs. Although the first PT didn’t get far with him, the second showed him how he was walking off balance because of the pain, and how to fix it. He avoided surgery and is doing much better now.
I doubt I’d ever have gotten him to drive into a local PT facility, in part because of the pain of transport but also because of his revulsion for that kind of public place. The home PTs were just the ticket.
So glad to hear this good news Neo. Watching our daughter assist her 91 year old mother in law, following post-fall hospital visits and memory issues has been quite an education. Love and patience go a long way. She has said the fact that her mother in law has remained “sweet” carries the day–even though stubborn, uncooperative to protocol and the like are part of the equation. No substitute for familial care during this time of need.
My mother turns 95 tomorrow.
She’s a marvel.
God bless you and your former husband similarly… beyond the challenges of the moment.
Good for you Neo, and also good for him! Long may the improvements continue. I hope he knows how many well wishers he has lurking here.
Decades ago my mother had a knee replaced, and at the time I was free to stay with her at home after the surgery. The only way she would do the exercises was if I did them right alongside her. She regained her knee function and it was great. I couldn’t join her after her second/other knee surgery; consequently, it did not heal as well.
Thanks for the update, Neo. Please tell your ex that he has many Neophiles wishing him well for his recovery.
Bless you for being there for him. Takes a good heart to step up like you have.
Familiar situations can work wonders.
For people laid up, human contact is a very big deal. Home PT covers more than one base.
My wife began a period of decline five years ago, compounded by a meningioma atop her first cervical vertebra and impinging the nerve roots, requiring nine hours of neurosurgery, fortunately successful, followed by weeks in a rehab hospital, then out-patient therapy for months. She has not returned to normal functioning and requires a great deal of care, although she is capable of personal hygiene, feeding, can walk and generally function without full-time supervision. But I am responsible for everything, from cooking and cleaning to laundry, shopping, and pretty much everything else around the home. It’s been hard, but the hardest thing is to watch and be aware of her decline. The woman I married is gradually going away, and although I cling desperately, I’m not sure my grip is strong enough to keep her here. But I won’t ever let go, nevertheless.
@Steve (retired/recovering lawyer): Blessings on what you are doing. I am temporarily in the same situation, and it’s a lot. However, for me, this is only another few weeks while my husband recovers from a replacement. Although your wife may not be able to tell you so, she knows what you are doing for her and that you love her.
Steve (retired/recovering lawyer):
Best wishes to you and your wife. It is indeed very hard to watch a loved one decline, even if slowly. I hope she still has a lot of recovery left in her.
We started a house renovation project this year (which I hope will be finished this year!) in anticipation of one of us needing the care that Steve and others have noted. Builders in the old days didn’t consider the ADA needs that have become so prevalent now, so we are retrofitting our upstairs bath with a shower and easier layout of the sink and cabinets, along with a wider door frame and pocket door. The bedroom next to it that shares the hallway is also getting a wider, sliding door.
Hopefully, that will be enough for most of the accessibility needs as we get older.
Ramps up to the outside doors are on the list, and possibly a kitchen make-over, once we recover from this round of projects.
Best wishes to everyone dealing with the physical difficulties of your loved ones.
One of the best decisions my husband made was to insist on putting a chair lift to the basement. At the time, I argued that I had worked VERY hard to develop the ability to navigate the stairs and do laundry.
Fortunately, he overruled me. Shortly after we put the lift in, he tore the quad muscles in his left leg. His doctors wanted to discharge him 3 days after surgery; I had to insist that he needed skilled nursing, as it took THREE nurses to help him to a chair. I just was not capable of assisting him at that point.
He was more than a little annoyed; it took 4 days of acting pi$$y to the home’s nurses for me to get in his face, and point out that he only had another 16 days to heal, before he had to be discharged (else we would be paying the charges without the help of our health plan).
Well, he got with the program, and started making real progress. He was able to handle extended walking with a walker by the time of discharge, as well as manage his personal care. (He did need some assistance with socks and shoes).
A lot of the resistance to skilled nursing care is that people think of it as a place for old people to go until they died.
Skilled nursing care is vigorous, hard work, and aims to bring people to a point where they can benefit from PT and OT.
Fortunately, thanks to the lift, he was able to navigate the stairs to the basement and back within a very short time. He still resorts to using it when his back acts up, or he gets tired.
And, me?
I ended up using it a LOT when I had my knee replacement this spring. I still prefer to use it when doing laundry or getting food from the freezer.