Medical update
The story on my ex’s medical travails isn’t good, unfortunately. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but the basic situation is that he currently has delirium, presumably caused by an infection that so far has been resistant to antibiotic treatment. I’m very much hoping that they will find something that will zap the bug sufficiently to bring him back from the brink of whatever is going on with him. He’s very miserable, and as far as I’m concerned it’s been a nightmare to see him this way. He’s had a number of medical troubles in recent years, but they’ve mostly been nasty but not too nasty. This present situation is far more difficult.
I very much appreciate your prayers and good wishes.
He’s not a young man but until the last few years he was very active and still quite athletic. Parkinson’s has been part of the picture starting about five years ago, and he seems to have dropped off a cliff with that recently, too.
We separated twenty-five years ago, and so you might imagine it took us a while to become friends again. But we’ve been friends again for at least fifteen years, he’s the father of my child and the grandfather of my grandchildren, and what’s happening now is very difficult.
It’s especially difficult, of course, having lost Gerard two and a half years ago. I know this is part of getting older, but I was hoping to stave it off for many more years. I’m trying to be optimistic because I know it’s possible that some sort of treatment will help, but this is definitely a low time for me. I think blogging is helpful, because (except for posts like this) it gets my mind onto other things.
Wish I had better news. I hope that soon I will.
Keeping you all in mind.
Take care of yourself during this time. Prayers for the family.
Prayers for you both.
Liz captured my thought. Make sure you take care of yourself neo. If your mind begins to spin too furiously, find an activity that is a major distraction.
I hope that the presence of, and the prayers of, this virtual community at your blog may be of some help. I’ll continue my prayers for you and for your family. As you say, the divorce doesn’t break the ties of the shared younger generations.
Parkinson’s sometimes has mental effects. I’m sure his doctors have thought of that.
Sorry for your troubles. In the middle of a period of trouble, it can seem overwhelming. There is simultaneously a rational and an emotional response to trouble. Don’t let the emotional part overwhelm you in the middle of it. In some way you have to somewhat compartmentalize for a while.
And lots of prayers.
Old age is often referred to as the “Golden Years.” And in some ways that can be true. But dealing with a family member or friend’s illness can cast a pall over the days.
Mrs. J.J. is slowly slipping into dementia. It’s heartbreaking and difficult. How could this person I’ve known so well forget how to cook, or where her hearing aids are, or how to turn the TV on? Yet that’s what’s happening. It could be me next. That’s the truth of the “Golden Years.”
We make the best of it and carry on. Old age will have its way.
Prayers for a miracle cure, and best wishes for both you and your ex.
Big Badger Hug Of Comfort And Support!
If the infection is largely localized, for example, in a blocked gall bladder, perhaps they can drain it and thereby make the task of the antibiotics more tractable.
Fight!
J.J.:
I’m so sorry about your wife. That’s very hard.
Hoping for the best.
I never realized how an infection can cause some kind of temporary (hopefully) dementia in older people until my mom had a UTI and she really lost it mentally very quickly to the point of not knowing who we were and she hit me up side the head with her arm when I got too close when saying goodbye. Thankfully they got the infection under control and a couple days later she was back to herself again and lived many more years after. But in those days it was scary because it’s hard to imagine that kind of confusion just being a temporary thing but for her it was and hopefully it will be the same for your ex.
J.J., I am sorry to hear about Mrs. J.J. I hope you have help with the situation.
Thanks for letting us all inside the struggle… I’m hopeful that a burden shared is a burden lightened.
I’ll also keep you two and the J.J. household in my prayers.
Best possible thoughts Neo. His situation must certainly be frustrating and distressing..
I was hospitalized twice last year with the sudden, and very violent onset of infections. Seemingly came out nowhere. I used to think the old heart would go; now I think it will be one of those events that goes Sepsis.
As others have said, take care of yourself. My wife is battling ovarian cancer. Watching someone that you care for in distress can be very wearing. Of course you already know that well.
One editorial comment. Modern medicine is amazing. Hospitals are not. I can say with certainty that having a personal advocate means so much because with the introduction of the Hospitalist MD, it has become very impersonal. (Except for Nurses. They are angels with aching feet, says this father of a hospital nurse.)
I am sorry to hear about Mrs. J. J. And I pray the doctors conquer your ex’s infection, Neo.
I’ve got some health issues going on right now and could use some extra good vibes my way.
Earlier I used the word “burden.” It triggered my mental concordance…
“Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” – Psalm 55:22
Medically, delerium is potentially reversible. Dementia is not delerium. Delerium has a large number of causes, and the older one becomes, the more often the sudden derangement of thinking. How does Griffin’s mom become delerious from a UTI? She lived “many more years”, suggesting to me she was relatively young. .
Oldflyer’s editorial comment marks “Be careful what you wish for”. Hospitals ARE modern medicine. I dislike hospitalists because they are hospital employees, reporting to administrators. Hospitalists are the product of shifting to office-based doctoring. The hospitalists work in shifts, so in effect a patient has three different docs directing care every 24 hours. I was ill with flu type A, five days an in-patient, my nurses had no idea of how best to manage an insulin-dependent
diabetic, and the hospitalist, an internist, could not correct the nurses’ insufficiency. Had no authority! So the docs have been displaced by doc-despising nurses , and they have free rein to exercise their deficiency.
I join with the many other commenters and readers here and will be praying for both you and your ex neo. Also praying for you and your wife J.J.
Cicero,
My mom was 76 when this happened and she lived to 91. She was in very good physical and mental shape when the UTI hit and she probably didn’t fully recover to her prior state but she was very close to it. If anything I think it took more out of her physically than mentally but she was really out of it when she was fighting the UTI.
You are an excellent emergency contact.
When it comes it comes! It’s part of old age, you do the best you can, if he goes to the other side, remember the good things. Only
my mom had a UTI and she really lost it mentally
My father too, several in fact, one after the other, and each one took a bit of his mind. Antibiotics aren’t the miracle they once were, and there was much searching for one that worked, but none was sufficient. He almost didn’t survive the first infection, which was on a cruise ship. They dropped him off at Eilat and it was over a month before he was well enough to fly home. In retrospect, it might have been better for everyone, not least himself, if he had died up front. It would have been painless and quick.
I recall a boss who told us “A heart attack is an old man’s best friend.” I can see his point. My doctor also told me that a UTI was a good way to go. Ugh.
I’m so sorry to hear this, Neo. Getting older comes with some benefits, but losing people is not one of them. My thoughts and wishes are with you, your ex, and your son and grandkids.
On another old-person note, my own mom passed away early this morning. She had been in hospice care for about 2 weeks, and this was expected, but it’s still not easy to lose one’s mom. She was 90.
“Love is a mighty power, a great and complete good; Love alone lightens every burden, and makes the rough places smooth. It bears every hardship as though it were nothing, and renders all bitterness sweet and acceptable.” Thomas a Kempis
May all who have shared their point of suffering experience all the love needed to bear the burden.
gwynmir, deepest condolences. I lost my mother 43 years ago. I still miss her, and will until I also pass on.
Hoping for the best. It is wonderful that you are there for him.
I’m so sorry, Neo. An ex who becomes a friend holds a special place in one’s life. Hoping your ex recovers fully and soon.
My condolences, Gwynmir—even when a death is expected, it’s still a shock.
I hope he recovers quickly and wholly.
It is very generous, and noble of you to care for him now, neo. God bless you both!
gwynmir, so sorry to hear of your mother. And J.J., your wife and her suffering. God’s blessings to you and your loved ones.
neo, you don’t, of course, need to be told that caretaking is exhausting. I hope for relief for your ex, but also rest for you, both from this stress and the echoes it raises of your loss of Gerard. Too much loss. Please be kind to yourself.
What you said about this stage of life and loss resonates. Mr W. has been ailing all summer with some debilitating mystery illness that has sapped his energy, triggered weird test results, and stymied multiple doctors. We’ve been wondering if this could already be the time when we run out of luck, much sooner than we thought. But lately he’s doing better, and it seems possible that he’ll just get well and we may never know why, for a while there, he wasn’t. That’s a better outcome than the alternative, of course. Still, it makes you feel time’s hot breath on the back of your neck.
J.J., Odflyer, gwynmir, I’m so very sorry.
neo, you don’t, of course, need to be told that caretaking is exhausting. I hope for relief for your ex, but also rest for you, both from this heartaxhe and stress and the echoes it raises of your loss of Gerard. Too much loss. Please be kind to yourself.
What you said about this stage of life and loss resonates. Mr W. has been ailing all summer with some debilitating mystery illness that has sapped his energy, triggered weird test results, and stymied multiple doctors. We’ve been wondering if this could already be the time when we run out of luck, much sooner than we thought. But lately he’s doing better, and it seems possible that he’ll just get well and we may never know why, for a while there, he wasn’t. That’s a better outcome than the alternative, of course. Still, it makes you feel time’s hot breath on the back of your neck.
J.J., Odflyer, gwynmir, I’m so very sorry.
Thanks to all for your kind comments. At times it feels like I’m all by myself, but then I come to Neo’s and find that I’m not. It warms the heart. We’ve never met in person, but there’s a connection that’s meaningful.
Prayers and best wishes to Neo, Mrs. Whatsit, Oldflyer, gwynmir,
and all others here who are struggling with health issues. In spite of what it seems, the unversed is no doubt unfolding as it should.
And a special thanks to Neo for having such a nice place to interact with other folks of a certain age.
Thank you for everyone’s condolences. Prayers and thoughts to all here: J.J., Mrs. Whatsit & Oldflyer. It’s good to know others care.
Kate, I lost my dad 46 years ago and think about him every day! He was only 44 when he died. My oldest son is nearly that age.
May the God of All Comfort be with you. May He bless and keep you in the midst of your storm and bring you peace. May His healing power flow into both your lives. Amen.
One day at a time. It’s all we can do.
Being in the hospital can cause memory issues. Alas.
Indeed Mary Catelli, hospitals can add to someone’s memory issues. Such stress!
Aging is complicated!
In his last decade or so, my father had frequent UTI’s, which included sepsis, and all of its awful consequences.
Sorry for duplicate comments.
I don’t always see them!
My story is similar to Griffin’s. My wife had a UTI a few weeks ago and overnight she developed symptoms of dementia. She had to move into assisted living. She now hates my guts as well as others.
(Except for Nurses. They are angels with aching feet, says this father of a hospital nurse.)
==
Some of them are and some of them aren’t.
This thread has been eye-opening. I had no idea UTIs could be so devastating. I’ve had a couple, with the accompanying pain, but the delirium and dementia complications are something I never heard of before. My sympathies to all affected.
D-mannose is a supplement that can help with recurrent UTIs. I found this out because my elderly Labrador retriever developed an issue with it. It worked. I bought it at Whole Foods and Amazon. I’m sure it’s available elsewhere. My Mom’s had some utis and hearing of the issues people have had with delirium/dementia I am going to recommend she take it regularly.
I’m sorry for you, Neo, and others. My wife’s mother died last, after 4 months of at home final care (in “free” care Slovakia, pretty good, very very cheap care, little waits because my wife’s a doctor). Being a care-giver is so much work.
It’s noble to be such a good friend.
My mother & father, after a nasty divorce, never became friends. I am friendly far friends with a couple ex-girlfriends.
Being a care-giver deserves praise from other friends.