The sequel
I am now involved in the “going through stuff” stage of grief. This one won’t be quick – not that any of them are quick.
After my son and nephew go home, there will be a great deal more to do. I know someone who helps with this sort of thing for a living, and I plan to try to hire her. She’s an exceptionally kind and capable person.
Good news 🙂
Neo: I plan to try to hire her
Outstanding!
As boomers march into the sunset, there will be considerable demand for ‘going through stuff’ specialists. Assuming that estate executors primarily sort out legal issues, I wonder what people who assist with personal effects call themselves?
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisitors.
That will be best I think, help and professional at that .
A good plan.
At Banned Lizard at 2:51 pm: “estate clean out services”
Banned Lizard…maybe “Sanford & Son.”
I reckon that’s who my daughters should hire.
It can be a formidable task. I know some who boxed everything up and didn’t touch it for years. Our son is a realtor. Two years ago he sold an estate size home and the deceased had no children and left everything to a neice or nephew. They couldn’t be bothered to go in and deal with his personal effects and the buyer our son represented wanted it cleared out contingent to sale, We helped our son with this demanding task. So it was left to strangers going through and giving away or dumping his things. I still can’t believe what transpired when I think of it. We kept a beautiful tiffany lamp and a couple other items and thereby I remember this man–a yachtsman and world traveler by name. They sold the house for a few million and that’s all they was cared about. When we moved from our longtime home in 2021, I felt we did our children a huge favor by downsizing and purging. We are at it again, having found we really don’t need much–space or stuff. Keeping records current, shredding old banking and charge card information is extremely helpful for those left to do the sifting. I’ve personally found the photos a burden–boxes and boxes I’ve intended to sort for years. I keep kicking that can down the road. Now the need to clear space will force me to get it done in early retirement.
So glad you have help, Neo, and a good plan.
When my FIL passed, we had excellent results with an organization called “Caring Transitions.” who organized and ran an online estate sale.
We only designated what went into the sale (& what didn’t).
They did everything else organizing, labeling, advertising, etc. took about 2 weeks but it was completely hands off for us. They take a good sized chunk, but for us it was well worth it.
Just a thought for you.
Good luck Neo.
I am fortunate to have two daughters and two granddaughters who accomplished in a few days what I expected to take years. Emotions do get in the way; but, you have to be rather ruthless.
I expect to find one of those services in due time to finish up.
My wife’s father lived over 2 hours away from our home. He was a hoarder. When he passed, we drove to the town where his home was one weekend every month for over a year. We would rent a hotel room in town (his house was uninhabitable) and spend two days working through as much stuff as we could. At the end of the year we had cleared out his house and sold the property. But we still had barely made a dent on the two storage sheds out back or the dozen old lawn mowers standing in tall grass in the thicket behind his house. We left the rest of the property “as is” for the buyers. We filled a room in our house with boxes of papers and keepsakes. My wife took another year going through those boxes to sort what to keep and what to shred/throw away. The whole ordeal was emotionally agonizing for her. I wish you strength in this task. And comfort when it is done.
This time is always hard. I hope you can hire the lady.
Prayers
Clay, I’m sorry for your wife, and you.
Hoarding is a complicated mental condition (– likely not the correct term.)
In my experience, it seems based in a fear of loss of control, and loss of significance.
Sadly, it’s fairly common, as noted by the comments here.
Ditto in my family.
…
Dear Neo, prayers for your progress, and strength and comfort.
My parents downsized a lot when they retired to Israel, but there will still be lots of accumulated junk to go through… we still don’t understand why they schlepped some stuff over with them.
Regarding photos – get a flatbed scanner or a tripod for your smart phone. Your phone may also be able to capture a voice annotation and attach it to the bitmap file.
Once they are scanned, ai-assisted software can help you organize them. Some of these require you to sign up for an app or service.
Been there, done that. Still doing it 14 months later.
What is likely important is to ensure that anything your husband wished to give away upon his passing is distributed as he intended, and that there are no misunderstandings on this issue.
I and my brother are adopted by my father, who has two older daughters from a previous marriage. We are more or less estranged and/or strangers to each other, and it is my expectation there might be conflicts over inheritance.
One is more or less ‘no-contact’ due to political differences with him, and the other has slightly strained relations because he did not approve her marrying into mormonism.
I expect the former to appear and try to lay claim to some of the items when the day arrives. Unfortunately.