Guide to living to extreme old age…
…while remaining healthy: have the right genes.
The study in the article was on exceedingly old Ashkenazi Jews. But that particular group is no more likely to live past 100 than other groups. It was just a convenient population for the NY-based scientists to recruit.
And if you don’t know the meaning of the Yiddish phrase in the tag line underneath the headline, “secrets of the alter kockers”—here you go:
An alter kocker is a man who can no longer do something that he once could. He’s an old guy, over the hill, past his prime.
In literal terms, an alter kocker is from German and means “old defecator.” It doesn’t sound very nice in translation, but it’s a common expression, and sounds gentler and more humorous in Yiddish conversation. Its sense is usually of someone who is inept at whatever he is trying to do. It often has to do with forgetfulness. As soon as somebody says hello to a man but he can’t remember his name, the other guy says, “You alter kocker.” The other guy can’t admit to himself that he’s not too well liked, or not worth remembering. So he blames you.
Another thing an alter kocker is famous for is playing golf. There are certain activities that are recognizable for old people that only an alter kocker gets involved in and golf is one. A man wants to go for a walk, but he doesn’t want to feel like he’s just going for a plain walk, so he takes a stick with him. He doesn’t have to do anything, but now he convinces himself that he’s an athlete. He can feel young. If he takes a walk, he holds a stick and he swings it. He doesn’t remember is there was a ball there or not. It’s not that important. He misses the ball by three feet but he’s still happy.
[NOTE: Come to think of it, Perry’s problem last night was that he sounded like an alter kocker.]
A man goes to a golf course for the first time. When he arrives, he is told by a regular that the alter kocker sitting by the first tee has terrific eyesight. “If you drive the ball off the fairway, he can tell you immediately where it’s landed, and the fee for his services is minimum. “Sounds great says the newcomer. Old man, you’re hired.” Sure enough, the drive goes way off the fairway and into the woods. “Did you see where it went, old timer? “Yes,” comes the reply. “Well, where is it , then? The alter kocker shrugs his shoulders. “I forgot,” he says.
hey,, be fair..
there are also Alteh moid…
you know feminists in their later years 🙂
nah.. that would be an alteh machashaifeh
alteh is old…
so the first above is old maid
and the second is old witch
nice thing about yiddish, the censors dont censor you… you can curse all you want in yiddish on tv, and its ok..
from putz, to smegma, to schmuck, and lots of others..
so wonderful…
I will miss them when they are gone…
such rich speech and honesty
A groyser tzuleyge would be obama..
and this applies to him too
A mentsh tracht und Gott lacht
we been Arumgeflickt! 🙂
one of the favs a neighbor used to use!!
Az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde!
if my grandmother had testicles she would be my grandfather… (or a feminist)
in fact, if you study yiddish at all, you will find that compared to many cultures, they have a whole lot of under the breath comments, words, inside jokes and such… much more than others generally (and many more with a touch of irony, wisdom and sarcasm)
and literally tons of them are of the nature or lesson of mind your own business what do you care!!!! 🙂
and so many we just dont have terms for, so have to use slang, or whole sentences
and a WHOLE lot of negative words for lazy people, messy people, incompetents, and on and on… as if they have this beautiful lexicon
i guess if the eskimoes can have many words for sub forms of snow… (a pseudo myth), the jewish people, some of the smartest people on the planet… would have lots of words to say dumb person about others.. (or those with them that dont measure up)
for instance.. they dont say fat cow they say “well grazed” a polite form of fat cow… 🙂
chinese is fun too…
but a lot harder…
Oooh, that was mean (Re: Perry), and I didn’t think you had a mean bone in your body….
http://www.cbsatlanta.com/story/16002149/investigator-herman-cain-innocent-of-sexual-advances
This simply translates as “old fart”.
Artfldr: well, according to this Yiddish-English dictionary, “alter kocker” is gender neutral and can apply to old man or old woman (although to tell you the truth, I’ve never heard it actually used to apply to the latter). Also listed is the appellation you mentioned for “old witch”:
You are completely correct that Yiddish has an inordinate number of terms of sarcasm and humorous derision. I used to make that same joke—that Eskimos have all those words for snow and Yiddish has all those words for loser. And yes, the Eskimo-has-so-many-words-for-snow thing is somewhat of a myth; I wrote a bit about it here (and if you want to follow some interesting discussions in the comment section of that post, the comments are in backwards order because they were automatically transferred from my old blog, so you have to scroll down to the bottom to start reading in an order that will make sense).
The Pope and the Rabbi
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy . There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal: he’d have a religious debate with their leader. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy ; if the Pope won, they’d have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish or Ladino, they agreed that it would be a ‘silent’ debate.
On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.
The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy .
Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our faiths.
“Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. The Rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.
“I pulled out the wine and host to show that through the perfect sacrifice Jesus has atoned for our sins, but the Rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.
He bested me at every move and I could not continue.”
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he’d won.
“I haven’t a clue,” said the Rabbi. “First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy , so I gave him the finger.
“Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews but I told him emphatically that we were staying right here.”
“And then what?” asked a woman.
“Who knows?” said the Rabbi. “He took out his lunch, so I took out mine.”
Almost everything sounds better in Yiddish and usually funny, too.
And often onomatopoetic: kvetch. shtup.
gonif…
If it is a guide at all, it can be put in one sentence: be carefull in chosing your parents. But seriously, the only conclusion is that genetics matters more than everything you can do in chosing your lifestyle, diet, amount of physical activity and medication. DNA is destiny, full stop.
Artfldgr –
re: censorship
Sometimes even Yiddish gets censored. Once I was watching Blazing Saddles on TV and on the sound track Lily von Shtup was rendered Lily von Shhhhh.
This NY Irisher loves the Yiddish. I wish I knew more of it. Jimmy Cagney grew up in the Lower East Side when it was mostly Jewish immigrants, and he used to throw Yiddish curses around in his movies that would fly over the censors heads with the same secret glee of a Jew.
I almost drove off the road in Alabama as I was listening to a college football radio station and I hear this red neck sports guy is on and he says about some coach “He has some real CHOOTZ PA.” with a heavy emphasis on the PA. And hearing Aussies adopting Yiddish words without a clue really cracked me up. They love Seimfeld by the way, go figure.
Colon Powell shocked some Israeli PM by speaking Yiddish. He used to work for a Kosher butcher in the Bronx.
My favorite Jewish quip – If one poysun calls you an ass—-eh, not so bad. If two people call you an ass……wear a saddle.
“But seriously, the only conclusion is that genetics matters more than everything you can do in chosing your lifestyle, diet, amount of physical activity and medication. DNA is destiny, full stop.”
In short: Materialistic unbelief. Full-blown denial of God’s central role in deciding how long anyone is going to live.
But let’s keep pretending there’s absolutely no conflict between science and religion…
Ziontruth. I’d say you were half right, and the other half? They actually did studies of identical twins, and even with their DNA, their life experience altered their health in spite of their being identical.
He other truth is, being light of heart, loving, and laughing through life will be an antidote to many poisons. It will strengthen your immune system to fight off many ills. Hatred, resentment, and non-forgiveness will break down your health more than cigarettes and booze.