The return of the missing: two kidnapped boys found
This is the sort of story that can easily make any parent’s–or nearly any human being’s–eyes mist up. I know it did mine.
One of the worst things on earth to imagine–and, fortunately, for most parents, it’s an event that remains in the realm of imagination–is the disappearance of a child. For the Akers, 15-year old Shawn Hornbeck’s family, it’s been a gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, four-year struggle in which they’ve dedicated their lives to finding their kidnapped son, and to other missing children. And now their faith, hope, prayers, and work have been rewarded.
For 13-year old Ben Ownby’s family, it was “only” a week of suffering. A week that probably lasted twenty lifetimes, all of them bad.
Amidst the joy, one caveat: the reentry, especially for Hornbeck, will probably not be smooth. I am reminded of another story, that of Steven Stayner, who was kidnapped in the early ’70s at the age of seven (much younger than these boys) by a pedophile, and kept for over seven years.
Stayner’s captor used sophisticated methods of “re-education” on him, convincing the boy that his parents had forgotten about him and didn’t want him back, sexually abusing him, and encouraging him to regard him as his new father. Stayner was only found when his kidnapper hauled in new prey, a young child for whom Stayner developed a feeling of compassionate protectiveness. He planned to guide the boy to a police station, but the child was fearful and wanted Stayner to go in with him. In doing so, Stayner himself was detained, and the entire story ended up spilling out.
But Stayner’s re-entry into his joyful family was fraught with psychological problems for all concerned, some of them detailed in an unusually fine made-for-TV film entitled, “I Know My First Name Is Steven” (the words Stayner voiced to the police when he was first being interrogated.) There was a book, as well.
The problems were not surprising considering the dreadful trauma and dislocation all had endured–the fact that they had lost a young child and yet a teenager was returned to them, one who’d seen and endured things no child should ever have to face.
Stayner married young and had two children, but tragically, was killed in a motorcycle accident when he was only twenty-four. But the tragedy doesn’t end there.
Decades later, his brother Cary Stayner was found guilty of the 1999 murders of four women in Yosemite National Park, where Cary worked at the time. The vicious murders had gripped the nation, and I was glad to hear the news that the killer had been found. But when I heard the perpetrator’s identity, I couldn’t help but think of Stayner’s parents as well, who had emerged from one long nightmare only to enter another, and then another.
It is highly unlikely that the present case will lead to anything remotely like that. I make no excuses for serial murderers, but one still wonders just how much the kidnapping of his brother and the family trauma affected the elder Stayner boy. It certainly is not the case that something like that causes a person to become serial murderer; that much is certain. But it is also true that those who kidnap children harm far more people than those children themselves. They set up a ripple effect with a long reach.
But today is a day of rejoicing. And I add my hopes that these two kidnapped boys have a smooth and relatively trouble-free re-entry into their families, and that they all resume their lives so that this incident fades away into distant memory, except for the added preciousness it gives the rest of their days together.
I was browsing and came upon your article…I just want to say I enjoyed your writing.
God bless and keep those boys.
You wrote this Saturday and I’m just now getting around to reading it on Tuesday. I’ve been seeing these boys plastered all over CNN and Fox in the intervening period.
Why aren’t these boys treated as rape victims and have their identities protected by the press? Why is there more press sensitivity for a drunken hooker than for two very young boys?
Well, the thing is, their identities were already known when they went missing. The press most naturally wants to cover the good news–that they’ve been found. The fact that a pedophile was probably involved, and sexual molestation, goes with the territory, I’m afraid.
The Stayner case is well worth looking into to get some insight about why some of these kids end up not running away from their captors later on when they are given some freedom of movement.
Children are not trained in psychological defense techniques against interrogation and brain washing. But then again, neither are terrorists. Given enough time, you can break anyone. Course, time is the issue in war, but not an issue to predators.
In a way, it brings up the question of “hardening” that Grim talked about. People prey on the weak, because any central security organization can’t protect everyone. That is why you have school shootings. The teachers and students need protection, which is far away. But if the teachers and students were “hardened” meaning stone gold killers with weapons at their disposal, then any school shooters would be the one that needs protectin from the school members.
Predators need prey, it is very hard for predators to thrive when other predators all surround him. But human society doesn’t work like that. Not everyone is aggressive, and the laws won’t allow that either.
So you have a sort of Spartan-Helot relationship. Spartan hoplites were hardened. The Helots provided the food and the infrastructure.
This issue came up on 9/11 and Flight 93 as well, Neo, which is why I both bring it up and find it fascinating. And not just the consequences for law enforcement either.
I think Neo writes about it because she is a mother and also a family therapist, so she has two connections. The media covers it because it is one of those underdog stories, the story of a two fer one, on a hunch (going on guts for a story reflected in the tip), as well as various other variables. It was a surprise, the media can’t resist a surprise. They also can’t resist trying to make fake news, but what the hey. You get what you pay for.
I thought of the Staynor case, too and that made for tv movie when I heard about the return of the boy.
These parents are obviously much more savvy about what they will have to cope with, at east intellectually.
Did you ever see Empire of the Sun? That final scene that shows the reunion of the son with his parents who lost him all those years ago? It’s so poignant, because you know, despite their joy, that there is no way that they will ever be able to comprehend what their son has dealt with – their universes diverged years before.
It’s an incredibly effective moment of filmography.
Looks like the Portuguese police investigating the Madeleine McCann disappearance are in further talks with British police – link
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