I’ve watched the TLC show “On the Fly” once or twice (only while double-tasking, so please don’t mock me too much). According to TLC, it “gives viewers a behind-the-scenes look at the modern air travel experience, sharing the large-scale operations and personal customer stories at Southwest Airlines.”
Well, yes. But do we really want that? Is it entertaining to watch the show’s compendium of raging and/or unruly and/or frustrated passengers and employees? Isn’t it quite enough to witness or be them in real life?
I was on a plane not long ago and saw an incident straight out of the show. After I’d taken my seat, I noticed a woman coming down the aisle and stopping in the row in front of me who greeted the people there a bit too loudly and enthusiastically, considering they were all strangers.
But I didn’t think much about it. Just considered her to be an unusually gregarious person—which shows that I have no future as an airline screener.
She sat down and continued to talk to the guy next to her, telling him she’s a “bad flyer” (whatever that means; nervous?). He calmly reassured her. In fact, he was one of those people with rare equanimity—soothing and patient, despite the fact that she’s the sort of seatmate most people dread.
I was just thinking what a nice guy he was, and wondering whether I’d hear her jabbering away the whole flight, when a large and friendly flight attendant with a big smile came down the aisle. He seemed pretty gregarious too; gave her a big “hello” and asked how she was doing.
Also what she’d been doing prior to getting on the plane. I immediately realized, having seen “On the Fly,” that the guy was evaluating her for sobriety. And that’s exactly how it went.
She volunteered that prior to getting to the airport she’d been with her boyfriend. Had she had anything to drink? Yes, maybe a little bit, just to relax her. How many? Oh, just one (slurring her words). Had she been eating too? Oh, yes, her boyfriend had made her dinner.
What kind? Spaghetti. What sort of sauce? Tomato, meatballs.
How many drinks? This time the answer was two. And on and on, till she was removed from the plane.
She only made a token protest; perhaps she knew she was pretty drunk. The guy was smooth as silk; when she asked him if he was really throwing her off the plane he said he hadn’t made his mind up yet, but he needed to talk to her in the front of the plane.
And so she got up, and of course she never returned. Since it was evening, I wonder whether the airline footed the bill for a room for her. But I do know that her seatmate got a nice reward—an extra seat to stretch out in for the long night flight.