I spent several hours today getting rid of things in my ex’s place. That simple statement doesn’t even begin to express what it feels like to do this. My ex was very sentimental about things and nostalgic about time, and he saved almost everything. I knew that, if he predeceased me, I’d have to be part of the dismantling of his precious things (only a few actually worth anything in dollars, but all of which meant a great great deal to him).

It feels like a betrayal, although I know it’s not.

But I thought our son would be more involved. Although he tried to be – he came here for a week – he came down with the flu and was very sick the whole time he was here. One other family member came for a few hours. And next week my brother and sister-in-law will come for two days. I’m grateful for any help at all, but this is such a huge task that I would need a lot more help than that to even make a dent in it.

I mentioned in a previous post that I’ve hired a friend who does this for a living. But there’s only so much she can do, and she can’t go through papers. Only I can do that, and the amount of paper is overwhelming. Boxes and boxes, shelves and shelves, and many suitcases full. I started today on the paper and got an immediate headache. I’m not going through each piece, but even a general perusal takes time.

I found, for example, a cache of my credit cards from the 1980s. Old medical records from the 1950s. The blueprints for the house we bought as a married couple, which was built in the 1930s. And on and on and on.

But one thing that made me happy was opening a drawer and seeing the flatware. I knew it was there, of course. When we separated about twenty-five years ago, we divided the flatware into two halves and each got six place settings. It was beautiful, heavy flatware (we never got silver) and I always loved it. And now – opening that drawer made me gasp, because I realized the set would be together again.

And so it is. It seems symbolic to me. Our divorce was always a sorrowful thing, necessary but tragic. Suffice to say I never stopped loving my ex-husband, although the love changed.

NOTE: The flatware, in case you’re interested, is called Lauffer Magnum and it was made in Norway. Later it got taken over by other companies and an inferior version was made. Google AI has this to say:

Lauffer Magnum is an original mid-century modern stainless steel pattern designed with a satin finish.

Key Details

• Material and Finish: 18/8 stainless steel with a sleek satin finish.
• Design Style: Bold, minimalist mid-century modern aesthetic.
• Collector Sentiment: Most users on Reddit agree that the original Norwegian-made sets are more desirable and higher quality compared to later or alternative regional productions (such as those from Japan or Korea).

It’s not really about the flatware, though. Not at all.