Songs of love lost
Love is the biggest topic in pop songs. Love gained, love lost, love betrayed, love regained, love yearned for, love rejected. But did you ever notice that there’s a dearth of popular songs about the death of a loved person? Comparatively speaking, anyway (I’m leaving out opera, which I imagine deals with the subject more often.)
The closest I could come to remembering such a pop song was “Wish You Were Here” by the Bee Gees, dedicated to their brother Andy after he died. But the lyrics mention “dealing with a heart of stone” and otherwise imply the possibility of a living person still out there. Then there are the teeny-bopper songs of my youth like “Teen Angel,” that describe the death of a boyfriend or girlfriend who’s very very young, rather than the far more universal situation in which the loved person dies later in life, when fully grown or even elderly.
Because I was drawing a blank, I looked it up – and found this list. Although not all of them actually are about a loved one’s death, most are – but I’d never heard of the majority of them before.
I’m not sure what it means. Maybe it just means that most people prefer to listen to pop songs about love lost in ways other than death. Or that pop music appeals mostly to the young.
I’ll have to think on this but one that comes to mind is ‘Aubrey’ by Bread. Like all great songs it’s open to interpretation and I’ve read that David Gates may have wrote it after his wife had a miscarriage and it does work that way.
Anyway, it’s a great song and David Gates is one of the most under appreaciated singer songwriters ever.
‘Aubrey’ Bread
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10nfx6r_trc
“Paint it black” by the Strolling Bones.
There is a diversion to best pop songs about soldiers. Along with “Whiskey Lullaby”, many of those devoted to soldiers have affecting videos on YouTube,most featuring the artists.
“Oh My Darling, Clementine”
“Can the Circle Be Unbroken?”
“The Living Years” by Mike and the Mechanics
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiZpREtRPVQ
Something most men used to think about. The prospect of dying ‘for her’…
“And for bonnie Annie Laurie
I lay me doon and dee”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrUaF5STwKA
Songs about a loved one dying are not rare in country music. Several of the songs on your linked list would fall into the country category. A recent example is “How can I help you say goodbye” (Patty Loveless).
MJR mentioned a very good one- a great song I thought about a lot after my father died a few years ago. On the list were only a few songs I am actually familiar with, but the one that stood out was “Empty Garden” by Elton John that he wrote following the death of John Lennon.
“I’ll be Seeing You” is the first song that I thought of. Maybe constitutes as pop music in the ’40s? Had the term “pop music” been coined yet? It was written in ’38. I don’t think it was intended to have any connection with WWII, but it grew in popularity and after America entered the war it became very popular.
I was rehearsing it with a school chorus when my grandmother died very suddenly. For the ensuing decades I always think of her when I hear that song.
M J R, “In the Living Years” always connects my wife with her father and his passing. A very good song.
“Those were the Days” seems to be thought of as a bit schmaltzy, but it definitely hits me emotionally about aging, death and the fleeting nature of existence.
In re the subgenre to which you refer, doesn’t get any better than this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHjWil-f3C8
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More familiar as an instrumental:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mv9w4UK-FBg
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Andy Williams knocks it out of the park again:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saQu2YKIs9M
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There’s Eric Clapton’s Tears in Heaven about the death of his son.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxPj3GAYYZ0
Adjacent:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeDfgUvyKHk
M J R, “In the Living Years” always connects my wife with her father and his passing. A very good song.
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Agreed, never gets old.
They are rare in the pop music genre because pop and all others that followed are directed at the young.
Fine music. Lyrics a bit choppy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbKNICg-REA
When my beloved Aunt died, I never cried. I tidied up her house and closed it up. I left the house empty for about a year and then went back to clean it out and sell it. Her house was in Fl and next to a lake. The first morning I went out to get in my car there was a small alligator (3-4ft) laying under my car behind the front tires with its head sticking out under the driver’s door. I sat down on the steps to think about the situation and then I started to cry. I cried volumes for about 2 hours–the alligator had waddled off on its own steam but still I cried.
I tell you this just in case you still need to have a really deep, and long cry–it may still be too soon.
One of my favorites by B. J. Thomas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFP2026WEoI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKoA07RD2cE
Such a good song, he did his own remake
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fawfejhXvIA
James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain” occurred to me first thing.
I agree that it’s probably because pop music aims for the young.
Oh man, no one has mentioned “Last Kiss”!
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Well, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She’s gone to heaven, so I got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
–J. Frank Wilson & The Cavaliers, “Last Kiss” (1964)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuanIYSQntg
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Of course this is a teen fantasy, not dealing with the death of someone more mature. But then, until maybe the 80s, pop/rock didn’t really deal with experiences beyond one’s twenties.
I’ll throw in another song after John Lennon was murdered — this song by Paul McCartney. Interesting that it does not focus on the love they must have shared, but their competition.
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It’s a tug of war
What with one thing and another
It’s a tug of war
We expected more
But with one thing and another
We were trying to outdo each other
In a tug of war
–Paul McCartney, “Tug Of War (Official Music Video)”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKaGm06Mn8
In the spirit of the topic combined with Mother’s Day this song by Patty Loveless always got me and after my mom died the last quarter of the song really gets me ‘sittin’ with mama’.
Patty Loveless ‘How Can I Help You Say Goodbye’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoNKCVduyYM
They are rare in the pop music genre
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Disagre
One must be deep into Leonard Cohen’s music to know this chiller from his second album.:
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It seems so long ago
Nancy was alone
A forty-five beside her head
An open telephone
We told her she was beautiful
We told her she was free
But none of us would meet her in
The House of Mystery
And now you look around you
See her everywhere
Many use her body
Many comb her hair
And In the hollow of the night
When you are cold and numb
You hear her talking freely then
She’s happy that you’ve come
–Leonard Cohen, “Seems So Long Ago, Nancy (Official Audio)”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEmLSmb_2wk
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Looking up this song tonight, I learned that Nancy was an acquaintance of Cohen’s, who suffered from bipolar disorder. Nancy’s nephew, Tim Challies, wrote up his thoughts:
https://www.challies.com/articles/seems-so-long-ago-nancy-2/
She sat on the bar stool, she smoked and she drank
Till the past became clear and the future went blank
In the path she regains all her beauty and pride
But that was before Jessie died…
…Now she sits on the stool with a glass in her hand
She smiles and she talks to a travelin’ man
And there was time she would turn down a ride
But that was before Jessie died
Tom T. Hall 2:37
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSkN2I3TjBo&ab_channel=TimPBears
“Honey” by Bobby Goldsboro used to be very well known.
The 2023 Grammy song of the year “Just Like That”.
As Huxley notes, they missed “Last Kiss”, from Wayne Cochrane in 1961, which I knew of but find the Pearl Jam cover to be better (YMMV):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvjTo-hRD5c
That came instantly to mind on the topic, because I think the PJ arrangement and Vedder’s voice and pacing does the song spectacularly well.
Interestingly, Neo, this led me to looking up the original, in which wiki provided this link:
Teenage tragedy song
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenage_tragedy_song
Not every song is about death, but most are, especially if “suicide” is included.
It also discusses the common themes.
Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn?
Remember how she said that we would meet again,
Some sunny day?
Vera…what has become of you?
Does anybody else in here the way I do?
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Not that Pink Floyd is really pop music.
Seasons in the sun
I can see Daniel waving goodbye
#6 Angel, from that list, came up on the radio as I drove home from a memorial for a close friend in the late nineties. I could barely see the road for the next ten miles or so.
I’m not sure about songs
But this I am sure about…
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died[f] so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.” 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
May not help at all…but I find it true.
Time, by the Allan Parsons Project. Someone else has died and you wonder if you’ll see them again
Goodbye my friend
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my friend
The stars wait for me
Who knows where we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river
I’ve pondered having this played at my funeral.
Hey Ms. Neo , I hope you choose life. Nobody can really understand anybody else’s loss or pain. Still, I do hope that you choose life. I realize it may be selfish on my part. But there it is.
The heart-wrenching (and perfect) country song, “I drive your truck.”
Also country, has a title that sounds like a silly drinking song but it’s not: “Drink a Beer.”
{{ When I got the news today
I didn’t know what to say
So I just hung up the phone
I took a walk to clear my head
This is where the walking lead
Can’t believe you’re really gone
Don’t feel like going home
… So I’m gonna sit right here
On the edge of this pier
Then watch the sunset disappear
And drink a beer….
CB said: Something most men used to think about. The prospect of dying ‘for her’…
“And for bonnie Annie Laurie
I lay me doon and dee”
I love that song! If I’d had another daughter, I wanted to name her Anna Laura and call her Annie Laurie.
Honey” by Bobby Goldsboro used to be very well known. LTECH
I also immediately thought about this song when I read the post. In 1968 it played on the radio regularly, such that at 8 I knew the words.
In the late 50s, early 60s the popular “death songs” became a bit much for a lot of people. Here’s a song that attempted to push back against all the whinin’, cryin’, shooting and dying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPh868GJQfE
TB Sheets comes to mind
Blue Skies makes me think of my beloved, gone since 2017.
Noticing the days hurrying by
When you’re in love, my how they fly by
Perhaps “Lonely Days” and “How can you Mend a Broken Heart” by the Bee Gees would make good additions to your playlist as well as Bob Dylan’s “I’ll Remember You.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipwWbZnpgiI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sN05AMV9gY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDREdkImUSE
I also immediately thought about this song when I read the post. In 1968 it played on the radio regularly, such that at 8 I knew the words.
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If I’m remembering correctly, it was around 1971. It’s a perfectly awful song. I’m remembering my sister lampooning it.
Many of these songs are about loss or missing someone, but not specifically about grieving a romantic love who has died. Or, they are about a relative who has died rather than a lover or husband, or wife. The majority of songs about a romantic love who has died seem to be, as I noted, about teenagers who die.
A lot of them are good songs, though.
Sennacherib, Nice pick: Paint It Black. I’ve never been big on listening to lyrics or understanding their meaning in the past, so I never knew what that song was about.
Lady Gaga’s song “Joanne” is about a sister she lost. Not a great song, IMO.
I saw “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by BOC on that list. It’s a little unique in that it clearly has a darkness vibe to it, but is really rather energetic and stimulating.
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I’ve been attending many live music events of late and hanging out with a few musician performers as well. Those performers generally have a list of songs that they hate, and I believe part of it is that repetition can breed contemp.
The crowds are more older than younger in my experiences, and I think they want songs that are: 1) familiar, 2) happy, and 3) energetic. Recently, there was a sizeable crowd and nobody danced until, yes, they played Van Morrison’s “Brown Eyed Girl” and that pulled people out of their chairs. Everybody plays that song. With good reason I suppose. That’s a song of love lost, but through separation not death.
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Daniel by Elton John, another great song.
Dido, My Lover’s Gone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Libbd7BCBHE
Thank you TommyJay.
Sennacherib
The Dido song linked by Chases Eagles would seem to be very close to what neo was looking for but to my ear it is so boring and not particularly moving at all. Dido was never my cup of tea but at least ‘Thank You’ had a decent melody to it.
Well, it’s not about the death of a loved one, but it is about death, or presumed death…
1971’s Timothy, by The Buoys:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqDu5LBT8_Y
It’s a very macabre song, particularly for such an upbeat musical arrangement. It does kinda fit the song, the driving beat matches the demanding aspect of the song, so it does work. But it’s a pretty unique kind of song, I think.
Not quite sure if these match the original premise, but anyway:
Cadillac Ranch – Bruce Springsteen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODQgHmRCBHo
Hold On – Sarah McLachlan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHBmpGLGyk8
Hold On is talking about an imminent death, but I don’t think timing is the point.
Great call on Paint It Black. That one always grabs me.
My favorite song about love lost is by Ronnie Milsap I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
“Patches” by Dickey Lee, ca. 1962
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Dpjs9nEBVOQ&pp=ygUTcGF0Y2hlcyBkaWNrZXkgbGVlIA%3D%3D
Thank you Kevin, we must not forget the hostess that makes this blog the wonderful place it is……..Thank you Neo!
Missed a giant: Go Rest High Upon the Mountain
Vince Gill
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NwFiWCUkk4M
Gary. WRT Go Rest High….
Concur.