“I’m going to grab your vitals”
I recently had the experience of spending a great deal of time visiting a hospital and a rehab hospital due to the illness of my ex-husband and the fact that I was the only person geographically on the scene. I learned a lot of things, but one of the them was the current ubiquity of the phrase, “I’m going to grab your vitals” or the more polite “Is it okay if I grab your vitals?”
This was uttered many times a day, usually by young or middle-aged women to the older man who is my ex-husband. I don’t know what it conjures up for you, but to me it seems a bit – well, a bit forward. After all, as the very first Google result states, the definition is “the body’s important internal organs, especially the gut or the genitalia.”
Indeed.
Yes, I’m aware that these women meant vital signs such as blood pressure, temperature, and oxygen levels, which they proceeded to take (not to “grab”). But I find my levity where I can.
And then the other day, when I was waiting in the checkout line at the market, a young woman employee reached across me and bent down, asking, “Can I steal these baskets?” as she took the handbaskets that were on the floor near the counter.
Grab and steal. What’s with these young women today? – asks the old curmudgeon.
I am guilty of the “steal” variation sometimes. The thought that pops into my head is that life can be quite boring &/or tedious. Euphemisms can make things just a bit more colorful.
Certainly they meant check i guess its a short hand that arises when i was in the hospital last year for they thought was a tia had my full battery of tests last year something like a hundred pages worth
Yes the idea of personal space seems to have been erased along with most signs of courtesy
My last year “adventure” I became very familiar with nursing interactions. Way back during my college days I worked summers as a float orderly which helped me this last year. My daughters, however, became confused with all the acronyms the nurses were using. My oldest said, “they’re talking in code!” I had to translate much of the time.
Apropos to Neo’s comment, post op about 2 weeks I got burning and itching in left lower quadrant. It was explained to me by my PA that it was nerves waking up. As she put it: “We did a log of digging around in that region.” Digging around?? When I saw my PCP I told her that, and she laughed and told me that’s a very common phrase used by surgical staff. Each profession has their own language.
“Grap your vitals”. The CNAs usually have a lot of patients to cover and I take it as a phrase that they need to do the vitals quickly so they can get them all done.
At least they’re not intent on a snatch in lieu of a grab.
On the other hand (other hand? Jeez), Trump might have been better off if he’d simply doubled up with snatch.
Some of the commenters thus far seem to be excusing the “grab your vitals” phrasing as a shorthand, but I don’t think the word “take” takes any longer to say than the word “grab”.
My favorite: In grocery store at check out you are always asked: Would you like a bag with that sir, I always reply ” No thank you I’m divorced”! ( A straight face is very important).
My Pet Peeve is this: When my Wife and I would go to a Restaurant, we would be greeted with “How are you Guys”. I have been known to reply “Does She look like a Guy”? Said Love of my Life would just stay silent.
Margaret Edson marveled at the treatment she received at the hands of the medical profession and wrote a stage play about, which became a movie starring Emma Thompson. I’m not sure why it’s available for free on the internet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y774ZOy1vP8
I hadn’t thought about the phrase that way. As you say, it’s better to laugh than cry in hospital settings.
When my grandmother, born in 1890, was in hospitals in her later days in the early 1980s, she was annoyed by being called “Mary” instead of “Mrs. X.” It struck her as disrespectful.
Following up on my earlier comment, I guess “take your vitals” might sound even worse. (“No, please leave them where they are.”) If it’s really necessary to abbreviate the phrase, how about “take your signs”?
@ Kate – I agree with your grandmother on the decline of courtesy indicated by everyone using first names these days. “In my day” those were reserved for friends and family, not casual acquaintances, and certainly not commercial transactions (which is what medical care was and still is).
We did make an exception for Doctor Joe, who went to high school with my parents.
However, the traditional honorific can occasionally be confusing.
My mother and unmarried sister were vacationing together and had a car accident which resulted in both of them having broken legs, one the left and one the right.
They were placed in the same room in the hospital, and when the nurses came to TAKE their vitals, they would ask for Missus or Miz Jones (a convenient way of glossing over the exact title), and both would reply, “That’s me.”
They had no end of fun with that.
When my grandmother, born in 1890, was in hospitals in her later days in the early 1980s, she was annoyed by being called “Mary” instead of “Mrs. X.” It struck her as disrespectful.
==
I noticed that around 1990, when an octogenarian of my acquaintance was being called ‘Gabe’ by hospital nurses. His name was ‘Gabriele’ and he was called ‘Uncle Guy’ by his shirt-tails. “Gabe” was a familiar he’d never used. He was a quiet and dignified man who did not invite easy familiarity from people outside his family. He also had terminal cancer.
==
A dozen years later my septuagenarian mother was being assaulted with her Christian name by a resident physician about the same age as her grand-nephew. Aggressive informality is malignant.
As Neo said, regarding the other situation where “take” is a perfectly adequate word, I have been known to remonstrate with young parents I know who are always asking if they can steal something from or near me.
My canned lecture is to remind them that their children are listening, they learn to speak primarily from their parents’ example, and children don’t really know that the adults are joking,
So, when the cops call you up to say “your child is in jail for stealing a car,” and the judge asks why they thought that was okay, think how you will feel when they answer, “My parents steal things all the time.”
It gets their attention.
@ Watt – If they asked me “can I take your signs” I would tell them I was a Gemini.
All just “figures of speech” or maybe “slang”. I love it. Makes language fun and creative. Y’all need to lighten up.
I can’t think of any sentence beginning “I’m going to grab your ______” that I want to hear addressed to me.
I guess I’m in the minority here. A bunch of doctors, nurses, CNAs, and PAs saved my life this last year, so I will cut them a lot of slack. And any modesty and dignity I may have had before are long gone after all my hospital and medical treatments, so I really don’t give a damn anymore.
physicsguy:
Great to hear of your recovery!
If you mentioned it before, I must have missed it.
Thanks huxley.
Now I move to the every 6 month stress out of full med workup of blood and scans. My SiL has been doing it for 4 years, she’s says it doesn’t get easier. Cancer eff’s big time with your mind.
“Grab your vitals” sounds like a brief , quick process.
“I’m going to grab your vitals” . . . reminds me of something they were accusing Bad Orange Man of cheerfully doing back in the day.*
*I know, there was a context and it’s not quite what B-O-M was saying or implying. Nonetheless, when I spotted the title of the blog post, I just couldn’t resist.
On modesty and dignity: Many mothers agree with me that once you’ve gone through labor and delivery at the hospital there’s no modesty left.
SHIREHOME: I am a woman who grew up in southwestern Pennsylvania, near Pittsburgh, during the early-to-mid 1950s. Everyone I knew back then referred to themselves and everyone else as “guys.” “You guys,” “us guys,” and “y’uns guys” was just the way we all talked; everyone was a guy, irrespective of sex–and no one was bothered by it in the least. And to this day, I see no reason to be concerned about such usage. I mean, c’mon, guys!
“Guys”. The informal and more personally specific use of ” Mankind”, I suppose.
Betsy, I view it as Respect for your customers.
And, yes, I do not like to be referred by my first name by total strangers.
They don’t HAVE TO phrase it quite like that…
…so I suspect it’s “medical humor”.
Actually, it’s pretty sick (not to mention juvenile)…and of course disrespectful…though maybe that’s the point.
Now let’s do “morgue humor”…and then, perhaps, the funeral home genre…
Question; ” “Can I steal these baskets?”
Answer: If you do, I’ll be forced to call the manager…
so I suspect it’s “medical humor”.
Barry Meslin:
My sister was a nurse for thirty years or so. She said there is a lot of black humor exchanged by medical personnel, though they are careful to keep it away from patients.
@ Miguel: ” … the idea of personal space seems to have been erased along with most signs of courtesy.”
Yes, would it be too much for them to supply an inspection gown that has cords that are long enough to reach around to the front for easier tying? Or easily reached Velcro tabs for open-in-back versions?
SHIREHOME on August 16, 2025 at 1:56 pm: I am pretty sure the non-sexual version of “guy” is now pretty well established in our culture today.
And you said: ” I do not like to be referred by my first name by total strangers.” I have to admit that as I passed through the ages of 17 to maybe 22, it was interesting to have more and more store clerks refer to me as “Sir”. Shortly after that I was drafted into the Army and then no one called me Sir.
AesopFan on August 16, 2025 at 3:41 pm:
“My mother and unmarried sister were vacationing together and had a car accident which resulted in both of them having broken legs, one the left and one the right.”
If they had been placed in different rooms, I could envision the necessity or wisdom of displaying signs over their bed that showed their specific names and which leg was damaged, just to reduce the chances for some unhappy error.
Kate on August 16, 2025 at 6:27 pm:
“Many mothers agree with me that once you’ve gone through labor and delivery at the hospital there’s no modesty left.”
If the child is a girl, you could then name her Modesty; and if it is a boy, you could nickname him Lefty!! 🙂
Surely many of us have found an item on sale and said “gee, that is a real steal at that price!”
I have an affinity for black humor. I don’t know why – something very human about it I suppose. Years ago i decided I wanted a motorcycle and signed up for a riding class at the local Harley dealership. Such classes, there and elsewhere, are almost always done in the Spring. Or, as the guys teaching the class liked to call it, Organ Donor Season.
Speaking of misused words, I had a friend who preface any self-correction he would make with the words “no, I lied.” As in, “Did I say it was four o’clock? No, I lied. It’s 4:15.”
I always thought it was a kind of self-deprecating humor. But I never found it funny — just strange.
I prefer “glom” to “steal.”
My main complaint is that they always want to grab them at 4 in the morning. No worries I get too much sleep anyway.
SHIREHOME: So your first name is “Guy”?
For some reason, I was flagged for extra TSA screening after I went through the scanner at the airport last weekend. They literally grabbed my vitals.
physicsguy:
As Huxley wrote: Great to hear of your recovery!!
And I’m sorry that the “every 6 month’s” … “full med workup” is so stressful!
I’ve been there with my husband.
…
And, to compare our blessed “luck” of being in America, i read earlier today of a 71 year old man in the UK who died because the nursing staff didn’t know how to use the medical breathing equipment that he needed.
God please: Stave off DEI, and socialist medicine!!