Sharing food: do you care?
Here’s someone who does not enjoy sharing his food at a restaurant:
When I accept an invite to eat out, I’m not cuffing myself to my dinner or lunch or brunch companion(s). I’m simply saying sure, I’ll go to the restaurant, eat with you and enjoy each other’s company. Yet, once seated, I’m routinely asked to share.
Quelle horreur!
To friends, family, and colleagues — past, present, and future — I don’t want to be rude. In fact, assuming that we’ll each order what we’d personally like for ourselves and that we’ll pay for those things on our own is the polite thing to do. On the other hand, putting me in the uncomfortable position of potentially having to say, “No, I don’t want to split the raw ground beef you’ve just referred to as ‘steak tartare’”— well, that may require some self-reflecting on your part.
I am puzzled by this person and his seeming inability to Just Say No.
There is apparently some widely held belief that agreeing to dine out with others comes with the expectation that splitting different things is part of the fun — the experience. Someone tell me where exactly that is written.
For some people, it is fun. But actually there is apparently some widely held belief that a question is a question, and an answer in the negative is perfectly all right.
If someone asks me to share food, it’s a negotiation. Sometimes it’s great, especially when I’m having trouble deciding between two dishes, and each of us orders one of them and we share. But if we don’t agree on whatever it is we might be sharing, I don’t have a moment’s hesitation to say no to the whole idea. I have no problem if the other person says no, and I’ve never known anyone else who gets upset by that, either.
I once knew a man who did not like to share food, even in a Chinese restaurant when dining out with a group at one of those round tables. He announced at the outset that he was ordering a certain dish and would not share it, nor would he take some of anyone else’s dish. It was a bit odd – he sat there and guarded his food, looking around suspiciously as though we were a pack of dogs about to grab it. But it’s not as though anyone stopped being his friend because of it.
I cannot imagine getting bent out of shape about this, and yet apparently some people do.
Someone should warn and alert her about tapas and family style dining restaurants.
I’m with you though, this seems such a weird thing to get worked up about – all she has to do is say, no thanks.
When I was still working the job involved a good amount of hosting customer dinners. We usually ordered appetizers for the table – for everyone to share – and if we were at a more upscale restaurant the diners would order an entre each and we would get sides for the table. Over the years of doing this sort of thing no one ever complained.
If we are out with friends there will usually be, as you call it, a negotiation. Just an open discussion of sharing or not. It’s rare for people to share or split an entre, usually it is an appetizer or desert and then most often between couples. A more extreme example is my sister-in-law and her husband: they peruse the menu decide on two dishes they want to have and order one of each and then swap plates halfway through eating.
Who knew dining out with friends could be so stressful and traumatic!
When someone calls me to sharing food, the invitation is a negotiation.
Exactly THIS.
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Share can mean the food off your plate or splitting the bill. Meaningful as for me, restaurants mean eating well.
If the food, it depends on how well I know the people but you better ask first. Business? No. I agree with the writer on that. I’m not sharing my Peking Duck with Chow Mein.
If the bill, much the same. Agree before hand and everybody stay honest. Business, you do yours. Opting out may not be an option. So subterfuge is called for.
Anecdote as to why.
Bank I worked at ran periodic emergency recovery drills. Pack up all the tapes, fly to Chicago and do a system restore on a rented system.
The officer in charge – call him Stark – would gather us all for a team breakfast, everyone would order and the bill was split.
On my first recovery run, the ordering started with Stark and moved left around the table. I don’t typically eat breakfast so I ordered coffee.
Oh, the bastard hadn’t told me about the splitting beforehand.
I myself am somewhat of a bastard, so I didn’t say anything and paid maybe $10 or $12 for that cup. Very expensive coffee for 1992.
Next day I made sure to sit on Stark’s right hand.
All went fine and when it came my time (last) to order, I kept a sideways glance at Stark and ordered a 16oz T-bone, a creamed artichoke side, several nice others sides and a premier coffee. Everyone at the table but Stark had hard times suppressing their smiles.
My “split” was a bit larger – $15 or so.
Apparently “team” meetings were no longer required.
We got back and a couple of the guys told me all during the recovery that was about all anyone talked about. They’d all been burnt before and had taken the course of ordering small meals. They also told me it was well worth the couple of bucks to cover me to see Stark so pissed off.
He stayed pissed for another couple of weeks and wouldn’t even talk to me at work which wasn’t easy as I was lead on the Tandem computer team (mixed machine shop).
I’m not only a bastard, I’m a bastard with foresight.
🙂
Small clarification. If it’s a date or spouse, for me it’s a given that we nibble whatever we want but ask. If the date goes overboard, it’s the last date.
My wife of almost 50 years would, during the courting stage, wait until I had eaten around a McDonald’s quarter pounder, and then ask for a bite. That bite would be the middle, with the pickle. It almost ruined a pending marriage. Never since has she done that. It was traumatic for us both.
Well, I guess it’s left to me, one of the few, the brave and the heedless, willing to admit they watched “Friends.”
Phoebe and Joey are discussing his date last night:
__________________________________________
Phoebe: My friend Sarah had a great time [with you] last night. So you’re going to call this one back?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: But what are you talking about Sarah’s great
Joey: Oh really? You don’t know what your great friend did. We were out to dinner. Okay. We were getting along having a really nice time. I was thinking she was really cool and then out of nowhere…
[Twilight Zone music plays.]
[Joey watches in horror as Sarah reaches over to his plate, plucks a few fries off, then eats them, while smiling..]
Phoebe: That’s it? That that’s why you won’t go out with her again? So she took some fries. Big deal.
Joey: Hey Hey look it’s not about a few fries. It’s about what the fries represent. All food.
Phoebe: Well I’m I’m sorry. I I can’t believe I set you up with such a monster.
Joey: Hey hey hey hey hey. Look I take a girl out, she can order whatever she wants — the more the better. All right, just don’t order a garden salad and then eat my food.
That’s a good way to lose some fingers
–Friends, “Joey doesn’t share food”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCCzzZVVpIA
@huxley:
Believe it or not, I’ve actually had a business acquaintance (not even a friendly one) try that, at a fancy restaurant no less.
He reached, I grabbed my fork and stabbed the table next to my plate. No more attempts. It was a teachable moment.
Some people have no boundaries.
For some it may be in part to their upbringing. There were no second helpings when I was growing up and that wasn’t because of Mom or ‘custom’, it was because there were no seconds.
There weren’t even dirty plates or left overs. That can give you odd habits. Yesterday I got biscuits and gravy at Skillets. At the end I ran my thumb around my plate to remove left gravy. It’s just a habit.
Kind of like my grandmother still using a soup stone in the fifties.
Wife and I may order one each–different–of what we would like, and a third plate to mix and match.
Sometimes, “Can I try a bite of that?”
But not with others at the table. Never seen anybody else ask to share the main course of others.
No one shares my Rib Eye. Now, it is hard but I will share my McD fries, but only with my Wife. We go out once or twice a month with a Neighbor Couple. We make it known to the Server that it is split check. When at a Mexican Restuarant we share to Chips and Salsa. Rarely anything else and if it does happen it is between the two Wives. I have offered a bite of something to table mates, but I have to make the offer.
Sharing would be for close family, and on request, even at that. Eating food off the plate of a total stranger or business colleague would be strange behavior.
This posts reminds me of Joey Tribbiani from Friends: “Joey doesn’t share food!”
That being said, I don’t mind sharing a “taste” with others. It can be fun. Family dining style or whatever you want to call it is a lot of fun too.
In fact, when I lived in East Asia it was typical when dining with friends that was the only way to eat out. We would all look at the menu and each us would add one item to our group order – one would order a chicken dish, another would order a beef dish, while still another would order a tofu dish, etc. Then we would all agree on what soup to finish the meal with. (yes, in many East Asian cultures the soup comes last as a way to “wash” down your meal)
And it was sort of negotiating or really more like making suggestions; for example, if I order a chicken dish such as a steamed chicken dish with scallions someone else might speak up and say “that’s good; but, I’ve had their gong bao chicken here and it is fantastic” Or someone else might say “their beef dishes at this restaurant are all kind of tough, chewy, beef – let’s stay away from any beef” And we would all agree; or if someone really didn’t like a dish it was often a case of just don’t eat that dish, there are several other dishes that we ordered.
Eating “alone” while out with a group just isn’t done in East Asia unless it is something like a noodle house or someplace that just isn’t set up for family dining style; like at a night market. A night market, now, that’s where you get good food! But even in the night market friends and I might share a kebab; you order the beef, I’ll order the chicken and we will swapped kebabs after we have each eaten half of our own.
Reading the comments in this thread is like having a fever dream.
A refusal is not the act of a friend.
If Don Corleone had all the judges, and the politicians in New York, then he must share them, or let us others use them.
–Barzini, “The Godfather”
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You could be be killed for saying No!
I’ve had more difficulty with food “sharing” among cats than I’ve had with humans. I didn’t realize that differences in eating speed and appetite level can lead to food “piracy” until I had to monitor the food intake of my oldest cat some years back when Princess developed diabetes. The vet impressed on me the importance of keeping a record of her food intake in order to keep her insulin dosage as accurate as possible. One night I noticed 1) that Princess’ food dish was empty much sooner than usual; and 2) that one of the two other cats I had at the time was licking her paws. So at the next meal time, I timed the eating speed of all three cats just to see if it made a difference. The food thief ate literally twice as fast as Princess, with the third kitty somewhere in the middle. The obvious solution was to feed Princess in my bedroom, where I could close the door and wait for her to finish her meal at her own rate. It was a lot less stressful for her, and I didn’t have to worry about her insulin dosage.
As for the two cats I have at present, the female will push the male away from his wet food and eat his portion every chance she gets. He’s larger than she is but doesn’t fight back, just walks away. When I asked the vet about the gender issue here, he said that he thinks it has to do with kittenhood memories in the back of every male cat’s brain– of being picked up by the scruff of his neck by a mother cat much larger than he was at the time and being carried where he didn’t want to go. Well, it’s an interesting if unproven theory. I solve the current food piracy problem the same way I did with Princess: Casey gets “private dining” in the spare bedroom with the door closed.
I’ve never encountered food sharing issues among humans, but it doesn’t surprise me that some of Neo’s readers have. Humans, like cats, are mammals with territorial concerns– including food.
I’m the kind that understands that someone may just want a taste of my dish. I’m fine with that.
There is a restaurant around here that has three portion sizes of french fries. Small, medium, and My Girlfriend Isn’t Hungry.
During my hippie years the folks who wanted to share food in a Chinese restaurant were always the same ones who ordered tofu and bean sprout dishes.
Just Say No.
Hands off my Crispy Scallion Ginger Salmon.
With the exception of Indian and Chinese food (dishes in individual plates placed on the table), I don’t want to share what’s on my plate, or “have a bite” of what’s on another diner’s plate. The exception here is my wife or daughter. And I don’t like being put in the position of having to say “no” either.
I cannot imagine getting bent out of shape about this, and yet apparently some people do.
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No matter what the subject, that sentence is obsolete.
@ Gordon Scott: That’s hilarious.
IrishOtter49, I’m with you!
Reminds me of the cannibal who was late to the party.
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They gave him the cold shoulder.
“There is apparently some widely held belief that agreeing to dine out with others comes with the expectation that splitting different things is part of the fun — the experience. Someone tell me where exactly that is written.”
I believe it is written somewhere in the Old Testament, or perhaps the Talmud. In any case it is a core Jewish belief that I have always lived by.
Wife does not share. Middle child of 5. Obsessive compulsive germ phobic. For her, sharing goes one way. She can share with others. But only on her terms. If you touch her food, it is yours. And if that means that she goes without, that’s on you (or, usually, me). Last big family gathering, everyone ordered something. She ordered hers. Then, when it showed up, everyone shared – including hers. She, the matriarch, didn’t eat, because they had touched her food. No one else seemed to notice. I, of course, dutifully did. Thing that drives both of us crazy is that our three kids routinely share with their spouses and their kids, off their plates. My daughter and SIL routinely switch their plates back and forth every meal, at least out in public. That sort of thing.
We have worked it out between us. I am one of 5 also, so never shared food with my brothers either. She always buys too much food, whenever we go out, or get take out. We bring most of it home. I threaten to taste her food, and she threatens me with a table implement, or worse. In the end, it’s all bluff. And, in her own time, she shares more than half of it with me. Of course, the sharing is before the microwaving, since the heat presumably kills our respective cooties. Whatever.
LTEC:
Wasn’t that in reference to having people dine at your house since you’re host, not at a restaurant?
I got this flash of the Last Supper with all the disciples jamming their knives into Jesus’ plate and him thinking “What the hell? This is my last meal.”
just don’t order a garden salad and then eat my food.
My wife pulls that one a lot, both at home and in restaurants. “I’m just going to have soup and salad,” or “I’m not going to have dessert.” Then “That steak [or cake] looks really good….” Of course I go along with it–unless I’m really hungry.
}}} I am puzzled by this person and his seeming inability to Just Say No.
This seems common these days, too many idiots who cannot stand the trivial confrontational aspect of “Uh… No?”
It bodes ill for the nation. That seems harsh, but…
This feels to be at the heart of much of our current problem state.
Our family routinely shares restaurant dishes, with permission, because it’s fun to taste the other foods, or split two dishes if you like both, and all the other reasons cited above. So I will share a couple of true stories about some exceptions.
When our kids were small, our only eating-out was at a local Chinese place. We went early to get them out of the way of the staff before the serious patrons arrived, ordered pu-pu platters to start (they loved those), and a variety of dishes. The server brought each of us an empty plate and every one took what they wanted by turns. As they got older, we let them order the particular dish each wanted, and I waited until they were done and ate the leftovers – lots of variety!
Then one evening, a few years later, they all got done, and there was nothing left for me to eat.
Did I mention they were all boys?
At a family gathering in a really out-of-the-mainstream small Texas town, we went to a hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant that the in-laws vouched for, located literally next to the railroad tracks.
Never had such good Italian food before or since.
Our platter-sharing bunch, to a man, refused to give up even a bite of their selected dishes.
The server, a young woman, was effusive in praise of her owner’s cooking, and rightfully so, but complained that her boyfriend nonetheless favored Olive Garden. With all the righteous indignation that only a Texas girl can summon, she announced scathingly (please supply the proper accent), “Their al fredo sauce comes out of a can!”
We learned later that the owner and chief cook was a WWII immigrant from Italy, although I have no idea how he ended up there.
In a Chinese or Indian or Thai restaurant, there isn’t a lot I can eat, because of an allergy to a common ingredient that can send me into anaphylactic shock. For this very reason, I go to such restaurants only because a group has chosen it, so I am already compromising. When the choice is between going hungry and dying at the table, I am not shy about saying upfront that I won’t be sharing my order, expecting to share anyone else’s, or sampling from a dish “for the table.” I get passive-aggressive pushback from one niece (by marriage) who is notably controlling. Otherwise, no problem. And I still go along with dividing the bill evenly, if that’s the custom or consensus. Don’t want to be more trouble than necessary.
Let’s ask the expert:
https://www.nj.com/advice/2023/05/miss-manners-how-can-i-avoid-sharing-my-food-with-people-who-like-to-trade-bites.html
I love Judith Martin’s approach to etiquette, although the current columns are co-written by her children.
From the Wikipedia entry, quoting her: “You can deny all you want that there is etiquette, and a lot of people do in everyday life. But if you behave in a way that offends the people you’re trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you…There are plenty of people who say, “We don’t care about etiquette, but we can’t stand the way so-and-so behaves, and we don’t want him around!” Etiquette doesn’t have the great sanctions that the law has. But the main sanction we do have is in not dealing with these people and isolating them.”
“Say, would you like to split an order of (insert food name here)? ”
If yes, request that food item in a bowl with a serving spoon. If no, continue on with life and order what each of you want.
As for “that looks good, may I try some?” a (clean) spoonful on a saucer (I’ve sometimes used my coffee saucer for that purpose), if the other diner likes it ask “would you like more? I’ll order some for you” and call the server over.
But….just reaching across the table to help oneself is not only rude, with some people it is courting death.
AesopFan, ah, Miss Manners! One of my favorites.
MollyG, I have developed some odd food allergies. They won’t kill me, or haven’t threatened to yet, but I am prone to break out in hives. Yes, I order what I can eat and would not care to have my meal depleted by other people picking at it, when I can’t pick at theirs.
I’ll say no. If one attempts to poach off my plate, you’re liable to get forked.
In my wife’s world there is her food and our food. The back of my hand bears the marks of the tines of her fork assaulting my meager portions.
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It depends.
So, those who see no problem with being allowed to share: do you double dip your chips? Take a bite and redip the food? Great way to share bacteria and germs.
“There is apparently some widely held belief that agreeing to dine out with others comes with the expectation that splitting different things is part of the fun — the experience. Someone tell me where exactly that is written.”
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Where is it written? In that part of the lost social code called “BOUNDARIES”. You wait for someone to offer a taste of your dinner. You don’t borrow someone’s shirt or their car or their dinner or their toothbrush.
In my dating years, if a woman did this, that was all for her.
In my younger days, I was thin and petiteish. People used to say “she eats like a horse!” Needless to say, after a few times out in the Asian restaurant nobody wanted “to just share”!
Funny thing that–when I was a child growing up I hardly ate anything at all, people used to say “She is a finicky eater”!
“Great way to share bacteria and germs.”
(And build up yer immune system!)
I assume buffets are a no-no?
Alan Colbo: Actually, I don’t see why sharing food shares germs, if you use serving utensils and separate plates. Shaking hands probably shares a lot more germs.
Locomotive Breath:
I’m also not sure why anyone would equate splitting a dish on mutual consent with suddenly reaching over and without consent or announcement taking food from someone else’s plate. To me they seem very different.
You write, “You don’t borrow someone’s shirt or their car or their dinner or their toothbrush.” I’ve certainly never borrowed a toothbrush – which is far more intimate than food on a plate. But a shirt? A car? If you have a reason, and you ask permission? I have certainly done so on occasion (especially a car, if I am staying with a friend or relative and I am carless and need to run an errand or something of the sort) and don’t understand why anyone would have a problem with a reasonable request to which they certainly would have the freedom to say “no.”
As an MD, and putting my microbiology hat on, did you know that saliva contains some 600 different species amounting to 10^9 (1 billion) bacteria per gram, pretty much equal to stool? (one recent article being Tongue coating and salivary bacterial counts in healthy/gingivitis subjects and periodontitis patients https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11686816/)
I have fun watching my PA students squirm when I ask them if they ever French-kissed, and then tell them that.
So Bruce Hayden, sorry to ask, but do you ever kiss your wife?
And Neo, have you ever made the connection between using clean utensils (which I applaud), the principles of sterility in the OR (anything that touches the unclean becomes unclean) and Haggai (2:10-14), which I share with my students?
“On the twenty-fourth of the ninth month, in the second year of Darius, the word of the Lord came to Haggai the prophet, saying, “The Lord of armies says this: ‘Now ask the priests for a ruling: If someone carries holy meat in the fold of his garment, and touches bread with this fold, or touches cooked food, wine, oil, or any other food, will it become holy?’” And the priests answered, “No.” Then Haggai said, “If one who is unclean from a corpse touches any of these things, will the latter become unclean?” And the priests answered, “It will become unclean.” Then Haggai responded and said, “‘So is this people. And so is this nation before Me,’ declares the Lord, ‘and so is every work of their hands; and what they offer there is unclean. ”
Isn’t it interesting that the Jews were taught in the Scripture the principles of sterility thousands of years before Semmelweiss and modern medicine? That by contact, the clean can become unclean, but it doesn’t work the other way?
To be fair, he outright says he isn’t opposed to sharing a bite of his food or a sip of his drink . Instead, it seems he is opposed to the fact that it is no longer presented as a question that he can politely ignore or say no to (e.g.”anyone want to split an appetizer with me?”) Instead it’s framed as a statement where the assumption is that everyone is interested and to decline is to commit some faux pas (“Let’s get three appetizers to sample and split the bill” and if you say no you’re a party popper). I agree with him that it has a coercive/peer pressure/entitlement vibe. And yes, I can still say no, but why did we move away from asking in the first place?
}}} I have fun watching my PA students squirm when I ask them if they ever French-kissed, and then tell them that.
So Bruce Hayden, sorry to ask, but do you ever kiss your wife?
Actually, I’ve heard that — and there seems to be a kind of sense in the idea — that kissing exposes the female to the male’s DNA, (and thus any possible ahhh, “sperm” donation), thus reducing both any initial autoimmune attack against the, ahhh, injection, but also to reduce the female’s autoimmune response to the non-motherly DNA which is growing inside her.
And, to be honest, if you’re hanging out with someone all that much, any bacterial and viral shit they have encountered, well, you’ve almost certainly encountered it, too, without ever actually making direct physical contact with one another, just from “shared” surface exposure.
AND exposure to those bio-malware is a good thing, as it assists your body with prepping for a more serious takeover attempt by said bio-malware.
}}} Isn’t it interesting that the Jews were taught in the Scripture the principles of sterility thousands of years before Semmelweiss and modern medicine? That by contact, the clean can become unclean, but it doesn’t work the other way?
TBH, I find the “Eye-for-an-Eye, but with Christian Forgiveness” towards people who “trespass against you” to be a hell of a lot more interesting, given that it took us 2000 years to figure out -slash- “prove” that it’s the best way found so far to handle the general case of the Iterated Prisoner’s Dilemma.
THAT is a heck of a lot more subtle to have worked out. The Jews got it partly correct, then a small tweak by Jesus led to a proper formulation.
The I4I bit is the main jist, but you want the “Christian forgiveness” to help break the endless chain of tit-for-tat that would follow the initial transgression… e.g., “Your GGfather killed my GGfather, so my GF killed your GF, and thus your father killed my father… now *I* kill YOU!!”.
Forgiveness allows that chain to break, and end the pointless “Hatfield-McCoy” cycle of violence that otherwise follows, when the transgression has been adequately dealt with.
}}} So, those who see no problem with being allowed to share: do you double dip your chips? Take a bite and redip the food? Great way to share bacteria and germs
Not if you do it right. Using any part your mouth has touched is bad, but the chip may be large enough that you can turn it around and dip the “unmouthed” portion into the dip.
I suppose you could argue that your fingers touched the “secondary dip” part and thus increased exposure, but, frankly, that’s in the “don’t take a shower during a lightning storm” territory:
If that’s The Thing That Gets You, face it — it had your name on it, always.
YMMV, but that’s my approach towards it.
OBloodyHell, I’ll agree with your point that “if you’re hanging out with someone all that much” aka family, you’re all in the same Petri dish. Which is why I still kiss my wife. 🙂
And with my wife, and wife only I once did need to share a toothbrush.
As they say, hard times create hard men…
OBloody:
You have the usual misunderstanding of the “eye for an eye” Jewish maxim.
By “usual” I mean that many people – probably most – seem to misunderstand it.
It was actually meant not literally but as a corrective to previous much harsher codes of justice. See this. It was not about Hatfield-McCoy vengeance, either; it was about a legal code and setting the proper compensation (which was NOT in kind – there actually weren’t eyes for eyes).
As for Jewish guidance on forgiveness, please see this.
neo:
And in your link the first comment was by “parker” he is missed.
Not wanting to share a salmon dinner.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k017_7qE-wc
Neo’s link on a 2015 post on forgiveness was worth reading.
And then we have Webster’s definition of forgive:
1. To give up resentment against or stop wanting to punish (someone) for an offense or fault; pardon.
2. To relent in being angry or in wishing to exact punishment for (an offense or fault).
3. To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).
Seems like the debate still isn’t settled – notice Webster’s weaselly word “or” in the first 2 definitions. But that’s a good deal of what the debate is still about.
Megan (3:49 pm) said:
“I agree with him that it has a coercive/peer pressure/entitlement vibe. And yes, I can still say no, but why did we move away from asking in the first place?”
M J R reminisces [~1980, a second cousin]:
“Mind if I smoke?” — in an enclosed automobile, spoken as the smoker has already lit up her [DAMN] cigarette and is already indulging in her first puff.
Bill K says, “As an MD, and putting my microbiology hat on, did you know that saliva contains some 600 different species amounting to 10^9 (1 billion) bacteria per gram, pretty much equal to stool? . . . . I have fun watching my PA students squirm when I ask them if they ever French-kissed, and then tell them that.”
I first came across that statistic about the pathogen content of human saliva when I had to do some research about the dangers of infection in closed-fist injuries, aka “fight bites” or bar fight injuries. From what I could find out, it’s not unusual for these guys to end up with serious damage to their hands, because of 1) the complex structure of the human hand, with lots of small compartments underneath the skin that can harbor bacteria when the skin is broken; 2) reluctance to seek emergency care in order to avoid a visit from the cops, which leads to the infection going untreated until major surgery is needed.
I hope Bill K’s PA students stay out of barroom brawls.
Reading the comments on this one was very fun. 🙂
RTF–
Re the comments on this thread: maybe Freud was right about the persistence of oral fixations in adult humans.
PA+Cat – then you know that closing a human bite wound is an absolute contraindication.
I have roughly 40 gory stories from my former practice. This probably isn’t the place, but when opportunity knocks, there’s the story of a patient of mine whose thigh was pierced by 2 inch long fragment of aluminum in an MVA, and after 3 successive operations at the U. of Iowa managed to walk out 6 months later, losing first his leg below mid-thigh, then his hip, then half his pelvis due to gas gangrene, all because a 1/4 inch stab wound with a dirty object was closed with 2 sutures and a Band-Aid…
When my spouse and I dine out, the convo will go something like- “how’s the chicken? Good, want a bite?” But with any non-SO I have never seen it assumed that individual orders would be shared.
Family style and round table Chinese excepted.
This very much depends on the cuisine. Some styles are intended for sharing (i.e. Chinese, Thai, Indian etc) so for me the that would be the default. Others are a bit less so (Italian, Mexican, French etc). But this can all be solved by being upfront so I’m a bit confused. Whenever we order we’ll ask who wants to do their own thing and who wants to share, then we order an appropriate number of dishes for those who wish to share. Its not exactly rocket science.
I have more of a problem where everyone orders their own then expects the bill to split evenly. I usually try avoid being included in the communal order and instead wander up to the counter and order and pay separately. I’ve seen it go wrong too many times to want to do otherwise when I can easily order separately.
I’m not sure what the US is like, but here in Australia post covid most restaurants have QR code ordering, so you can easily each order and pay if that’s what you want. You don’t even have to interact with a server to place your order which IMHO is a fantastic improvement. And don’t even get me started on tipping as its a non issue here.
I don’t mind allowing someone to take a taste of my food, but I do resent people trying to make me taste theirs if I don’t want to. Neo must have been blessed with friends/relations who will take no for an answer, unfortunately I wasn’t.
“So Bruce Hayden, sorry to ask, but do you ever kiss your wife?”
She never was much of a kisser. Looks French, but doesn’t like French kissing. Didn’t realize for years later that the problem was her phobias, and not my technique.
So, very little kissing on the lips. However, grandkids were different. Oldest grandson got thrush. Mama got it. Then grandma. What I don’t understand is why anyone would want to kiss their year old grandson on the lips… And she was known to share food with daughter and her kids, even after said daughter married a guy of questionable character. Some unfortunate stories there.
“And, to be honest, if you’re hanging out with someone all that much, any bacterial and viral shit they have encountered, well, you’ve almost certainly encountered it, too, without ever actually making direct physical contact with one another, just from “shared” surface exposure.”
Ultimately, we share most germs. But most of the time, she gets whatever worse than I, and gets it first.
“AND exposure to those bio-malware is a good thing, as it assists your body with prepping for a more serious takeover attempt by said bio-malware.”
Not relevant here, and hasn’t been for over half her lifetime now.
I don’t dine out in order to eat somebody else’s food, nor to have them eat mine. And putting the onus on me to say no is just the sort of passive-aggressive BS that brings out the worst in me.
Things are done differently in Greece – much differently. When we eat out as a group we will do so “Meze style”. That is, we will agree on a salad (or two) side dishes, wine, meat, fish or main course servings that is brought to the table. We will all help ourselves to what we want including dessert which comes at the end of the meal. The bill will be shared equally among the couples. Children – if present, eating free. It would be considered somewhat impolite and unfriendly for someone to order their own meal separately.
I went out to dinner once with three other people at a Chinese restaurant. The Chinese restaurant was designed for sharing: lazy Susan in the center, and extra person had a clean plate. We discussed ordering AND SHARING prior to giving our orders. Two of the four people did not eat pork, and a ground rule to NOT order pork was established during our pre-order discussion. The waitress came around and the two non-pork eaters and I ordered and then came the forth person to order: Who ordered pork. But when the food was served, she insisted on eating her share of the other plates.
Resentment was very high that night
Rufus T. Firefly:
When I wrote this post I had a feeling there would be a lot of comments. And a lot of disagreement.
om:
Yes, “parker” disappeared – I have no idea what happened.
Someone Else:
That’s certainly not cricket.
I have a question!
AesopFan, what Texas town, and what restaurant? Man, I hope it’s still around…
And now some comments!
First, on money: My husband and I met and married on the West Coast, and back there and then, it seemed that the group-at-a-restaurant protocol (to the dismay of servers) was separate checks. When we moved eastward, eventually all the way east to the Philadelphia area, we were horrified to find that the protocol was to split the check evenly. This dramatically affected how we would order. Even if our preferred order would be a soft drink and an entree and that’s it, if everyone else at the table was ordering a cocktail, an app, an entree, and a dessert, so would we – because my husband is a finance guy who grew up poor and is bound and determined to get his money’s worth.
The advent of Venmo has been helpful; now we routinely offer to pick up the whole check and have people Venmo their share, taking a picture of the receipt so they can work it out. Plus, we get the points on our credit card. I always offer up front to do the math to forestall that one person’s saying, “Oh, this is too complicated – let’s just split it!” because I am no longer willing to overeat in order to not feel resentful. So far it’s working fine.
Now, as to food: my husband and I routinely share a single entree (again to the dismay of servers) in our never-ending battle of the bulge. This works a lot of the time, but when there’s something I (it’s usually “I”) really want, I say so, and he orders for himself, but he’s welcome to try what I ordered. With friends, we always offer a taste of what we’re having and I’ve never had anyone ask for more, so maybe that’s something about our friends.
We will dip-and-flip with family or, with prior consent, very close friends only.
And my husband, at home only, will use his finger to get the last bit of sauce off his plate, which totally grosses me out but has not affected his behavior in thirty years.
Jamie, using a finger to get the last bit of sauce off a plate might be something a person does with a history of having to go without, aka hunger or ‘food insecurity’ as it’s styled these days.
Reminds me of Holocaust victims reported to have hidden bread crusts under the sofa cushions as a result of their experiences.
In defence of of the individual writing how he doesn’t like to share food, he has a point.
Asian, Indian and other ethnic meals, sharing is part of the history and charm. However, when you have a meal at a German restaurant with a group of coworkers and one person says, ‘Everyone move your plates around the table so we can all taste each other’s dish’, that has gone too far. The whole group was compliant and now is rests as an inside joke for a laugh with my family.
I’ll weigh in:
The lovely Mrs. Firefly and I almost always split an entree when dining out. Neither one of us are big eaters and most U.S. restaurants have such big portions one entree is plenty for the two of us. I obviously eat more than her, so I’ll often order an extra side, or she’ll get a salad with the meal and eat it, leaving more of the entree for me.
But we don’t share the meal, we split it. And that’s on me. I am by no means a germophobe, but I’m not a fan of sharing food and Mrs. Firefly is the opposite. If you want a bite of my sandwich I’ll cut a portion off for you. Take a bite of my sandwich directly and you can finish it. Same thing with beverages*.
I’m happy to reach a table agreement where we order multiple apps or entrees and share, but I’m not sharing around plates we are eating off of. Put the food plates in the middle and spoon or fork the portion you want onto your own plate. If a group I was with started sharing plates I wouldn’t gripe, or complain, but I’d probably clandestinely stop eating once the activity starts.
I really don’t like someone seeing the food on my plate, stating, “Oh, that looks good. Can I try some?” and then taking a portion. I don’t stab them with my fork, I go along with it, but I find it presumptuous. I never, ever take someone’s food off their plate, even when offered**. Even when it’s a french fry.
And I don’t care who you are, or how many children we’ve bred, I’m not sharing soup, or any liquid dish out of the same bowl, I’m not using a utensil you’ve already used to eat and I’m not sharing an ice cream cone***!
*With the advent of microbreweries I’ve grown to accept someone taking a taste of whatever exotic beer I’ve ordered, but I wish they wouldn’t ask and I never, ever take a sip of someone else’s beverage.
**Mrs. Firefly and I will share things like that, because she has no such concern, but the deal is I go first and she’ll go second. She knows if she goes first I won’t have any.
***Very odd exception to all this; my own children. Almost immediately when our oldest child was eating solid food I noticed I was able to eat whatever was left on his high chair, plate, whatever… Even something like the remainder of a slice of pizza he had partially eaten. I found I could not only do the same with our subsequent children, but did. I think it’s from being raised with a strong moral code that it is wrong to “waste” food. However, now that my children are grown I have the same revulsion to their food as I do with other people’s partially eaten meals.
Rufus T. Firefly:
Splitting food IS sharing food. There are many methods of sharing, and one of them is splitting with separate plates and all that. When I share food I mean splitting, except every now and then I put a taste on a bread plate or something like that, and give it to my dinner companion if that’s what’s requested. That’s the usual way to do it.
Another aspect of this interesting question: I have learned from manga/anime that in Japan sharing food or drink can be considered an “indirect kiss”. Thus when one of a couple takes a sip of the other’s drink or a lick of their ice cream it is seen as an intimate/romantic act. This is different than sharing food that has been put on the table in a serving dish.
This is just my observation from casual reading. If anyone who is Japanese or knowledgable about Japanese culture would care to expand on this I would be interested to hear from them.
Wow – what a range of “tastes” about tasting!
Jamie, my Italian food story comes from 2005, and I was sure that little restaurant would be gone by now, a victim of COVID if nothing else, but I was wrong!
https://giovannisitaliankitchen.com/
It’s actually across a major street from the RR, but even the sign looks like what I remember.
If anyone goes down to the Gulf Coast, swing by and give us a new review!
Ok, Angleton is a mere hour away, so we’ll have to get out there and try Giovanni’s! Thanks, AesopFan!
neo,
I agree with your definition and that’s what makes sense to me. However, I (and apparently others here, perhaps even you), have a demarcation when it comes to my plate, my glass, my utensil, my portion. Once it’s ordered, divvied up and/or distributed I don’t like sharing. And many people have no problem with violating that demarcation.
I even know one guy who shares ice cream cones with his dog!
Giovanni’s does look great. I used to travel to Sugarland often on business. A lot of great restaurants in that area!