Facing old age
“Ozempic face” isn’t really a thing, it’s just the consequence of losing a lot of bodyfat. I’ve had a number of friends — and my dad — who lost a lot of weight post-40 and they all looked a bit droopy or funny for a while because it takes a long time for your skin to tauten up. And to some degree, a skinny face just tends to look older. So I believe that there’s no specific aging angle here, just what happens when you lose a lot of weight fast.
Perhaps when you’re closer to 40, your skin manages to “tauten up” over time. I’m of the age when 40 sounds practically fetal. In my age group, losing a lot of weight quickly or slowly does sometimes age people more than being at least slightly overweight does.
Or as my mother – who knew something about the aging process, having lived almost to 100 – used to say: You can be a skinny old lady or a fat old lady. In other words, once you reach a certain point, you’re still old.
As I get older myself, I’ve become more in awe of my mother’s attitude towards old age. Until just the last couple of years of her life, she remained active and somehow managed to stave off major depression as her friends died one by one by one. It helped that she was living in a community where she knew literally hundreds of people and felt very much at home. It helped that she lived near my brother and his family. It helped that she was relatively healthy and pain-free till those last few years. But it was also a decision of some sort on her part, that she wouldn’t look back too much.
My temperament has always been different.
My mother was widowed in her early 60s, and when she was around 80 she met a man of 85 who liked her and she liked him. They kept company till his death nine years later, and he was as active as she. They traveled and they had fun. I was so grateful for him.
Another one of my mother’s sayings: “Everybody keeps telling me how lucky I am to have him. Why don’t they say how lucky he is to have me?” Well, they both were lucky, and they knew it.
I find myself filled with wonderment to realize I am 76. My Mon, a heavy smoker and with some depression (for which a witch doctor practiced shock treatments for, and whom I never forgave him) died of a stroke at age 61. My Dad was 65. Several years later he met a woman a few years older than him and they married. I some ways I am and was glad he did so, I think it kept him going. But she turned out to be anything but nice. He had diabetes and had a triple bypass. He drove a very large motorhome pulling a car until age 88 (scared they you know what out of). He hurt his back and had back surgery but the diabetes had turned the bones to mush. Never recovered, he died just passed his 89th birthday. I don’t know if I will make it to 89, I hope so. His wife, the Witch, died at age 100.
He was in a nursing home after the back surgery, I fortunately was then retired so I would visit him every day. One day on the nurses came up to me an said I was a good son. I ask why and she said a lot of the people there never got a visit from family. Ok, when I got home I cried.
Perhaps when you’re closer to 40, your skin manages to “tauten up” over time. I’m of the age when 40 sounds practically fetal. In my age group, losing a lot of weight quickly or slowly does sometimes age people more than being at least slightly overweight does.
So true. I’ve lost some significant weight and I like it, as some joint pain is an issue and I’m staying very active. I found myself in the drug store looking at various skin lotions.
My grandmother kept company with a widowed friend neighbor for nine years before they married. Before their spouses died, the two couples were best friends for 50 years, so it was fitting that when both lost their spouses, they got together. They had 7 years of married life before he died. My grandmother lived 11 more years, to die at age 95. At her request I spoke at her funeral.
Her living in a small town where she had a lot of friends and acquaintances helped her live so long.
My parents both died when they were 67, so I have outlived them.
Tomorrow I will have made ninety trips around the sun. Quite a bit of history has occurred during those years. The Great Depression, WWII, the start of the Cold War, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the end of the Cold War, 9/11, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Covid-19 pandemic, and now, War in Ukraine.
You’d think I’d have some stories to tell. And yes, I do. Told a few of them here. My wife and daughter are tired of hearing them, so I write some of them down.
As I grow older my appreciation of my parents and grandparents grows too. What tough, hard-working, decent, and caring people they were. I appreciate them and what they taught me much more now than I did when I was younger.
The sixty-six years I’ve been married to my lovely wife have been a special blessing. We’re still both active, relatively pain free, and of reasonably sound mind. She reads a lot, I browse the internet, we do our housework, work in our yard, and we have “adventures.” Yesterday’s adventure was trying to find the place where my wife gets the battery changed in her watch. She knew the approximate location, (She had been there four years ago.) but we had to drive around for 30 minutes before finding the place. I know, we could use GPS. If we had it. But that’s too easy. No adventure in that. 🙂
My biggest complaint is how quickly the time passes. It’s just flying now. Nothing I can do about that, except enjoy the ride. Onward.
Congrats, JJ, you and yours sound like you have a great life. I’m quite a bit younger (60s) but have noticed time going by faster too as I get older. Maybe it’s that each year gets shorter relative to how long we’ve been around.
My only comfort is I’m not a little old lady, just old.
JJ:
Happy Birthday!!! It’s wonderful that you and your wife are both basically healthy (knock wood). A 66-year marriage – what an accomplishment and what a blessing.
Blessed birthday JJ!
AND 66 years of marriage. WOW!
God grant such patient grace to the rest of us.
Yeah, to humble-brag, since I lost 60# last year, I definitely look older, kinda gaunt and a bit intense (maybe that was always there). I did gain 10# back, but I stabilized.
I didn’t get much visible arm muscle from kettlebell, but I am stronger and I like the veiny, vascular look. 🙂
I turned 71 three weeks ago. I am weirdly at a peak period of my life. I don’t know why. I don’t know long it will last, though it will end as all things do.
I am deeply grateful for each day. Thank you all, too.
Before their spouses died, the two couples were best friends for 50 years, so it was fitting that when both lost their spouses, they got together.
Gringo:
You might enjoy this song, about an older man connecting with an older woman whom he already knew. Tom Waits wrote it in his 20s:
_______________________
Operator, number, please
It’s been so many years
Will she remember my old voice
While I fight the tears?
Hello, hello there, is this Martha?
This is old Tom Frost
And I am calling long distance
Don’t worry ’bout the cost
‘Cause it’s been forty years or more
Now Martha please recall
Meet me out for coffee
Where we’ll talk about it all
–Tom Waits, “Martha (album version)”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9Mse62NFl4
@ Kate > “My only comfort is I’m not a little old lady, just old.”
Alas, I have not that same comfort; I was a little young lady, and now a littler old one, because the bones settle as you age; or rather, a shorter one.
As I tell my doctor, “I’m not over-weight, I’m under-tall.”
AesopSpouse is a year older (and neither too fat nor too thin). We met our fresh-persons’ year at college, got married 5 years later, and so far it’s been a happily ever after. Going to be celebrating year number 48 in May.
Our next adventure post-retirement is a stint at one of our church’s historical sites this summer, so after Easter I won’t be doing much schmoozing with my on-line friends.
Don’t get too rowdy while I’m gone!
AesopFan:
Keep us posted.
I’m not sure what your church’s historical sites are about, but I would like to hear your take.
Congrats on your 48th! What combo of precious metals and jewels might that be?
Interesting thread. Like huxley, I turn 71 next month. All the comments got me thinking about Neo’s place. I’d like a poll: how many non-Boomers are here??
Non-boomers will include those born before 1945, of which we have a few.
AesopFan, so you will be dressed in period costume doing presentations all day, and thus too busy to web surf, or does the site not have internet?
I’m 61 and have lost 40+ pounds since 2020. They say that black doesn’t crack, but I can testify that it does crack a little. I noticed a few extra wrinkles that I didn’t have before the weight loss. Lotions, oils and whatnot.
Vanity is really something.
Non-boomers will include those born before 1945, of which we have a few.
That includes me, turned 85 last month. My mother lived in three centuries, born in 1898 and died in 2001. She kept her marbles and had lots of stories to tell her grandchildren. She remembered the sinking of the Titanic and I took her to see the movie when it came out. She laughed at the scene where they had sex in the car. She lived in Los Angeles from 1926 to 1929. The highlight of that period was that she danced with Victor McLaglen.
My older son will turn 60 in 2 years. That is sobering.
Boomer here. Just attended this last fall my 50th college reunion. I had noticed 5 years earlier that of those attending, most looked pretty good. A lot of aging in that 5 years. And attendance was down a little, with maybe 1/8 of the class showing up – presumably those in the best shape. That was even though we each personally received a medal from the newly installed black female president of the school. I had assumed that she as an AA hire. Nope. She’s as smooth at the personal level as a good politician. Very few really looked that young, except for one very tall black guy sticking out in the back row, who had been drafted out of college to play professional football (for the local pro team, where he had a good career as a defensive back). There were several I had talked to 5 years earlier, whom I didn’t recognize at first, until they introduced themselves.
On the flip side, I attended a funeral in January, in CO, of a friend from HS (SADS – likely vaccine caused, esp since he was still working at a company that required it). Most everyone there of my vintage looked real good. But they were all very vigorous. Several, including my next brother, are still seriously skiing (he is still racing at 70). I felt like an old man around them, which I usually don’t think of myself as.
One thing that helps keeping me thinking that I am still young is being around younger people. Two years ago, we had 5 teenaged grandsons (oldest, now 21 lives with us). I know, deep down that we aren’t. I walk the dog a couple times a day, which helps. But my wife doesn’t bend anymore – from multiple spine surgeries, and tomorrow, I pick up our new car, an Audi Q7 that is tall enough for her to get into, but not so far off the ground that she has to step up. And it has all the modern bells and whistles that may help prevent accidents when I am driving. Lane assist, collision sensing, and even braking, top view for parking, etc. what’s a bit scary, is that she suggests that this may be my last vehicle.
Happy Birthday, JJ!
Wikipedia says the baby boom years were 1946 – 1964. I always thought I was a late boomer (not bloomer mr. spell checker), but apparently am a mid-boomer born in 1955.
Aging is one of those things that’s going to screw up all the New World Order plans of the WEF/Davos brigade. Even if we were to reverse course right now, we’re going to see a significant increase in the next 50 years of people staring down old age with either no family or much smaller families to support them. And make no mistake, as wonderful as you think your friends are it is your family most rely on when they get old.
Mike
All true…(unless people in the West have a change of heart—but why should they?—or maybe if AGW causes the temperatures to PLUNGE(!) and the top-down planned shortage of energy means things will go dark and cold—kinda like in NK—which means a lotta people are going to have to “rediscover” ways of keeping warm)…
…yes, true…except that the WTF is under the impression that there are TOO MANY people on this planet. One of Klaus’s MAJOR pet peeves.
IOW, time to cull for the good of one and all. (No doubt Covid was a handy tool but I have a sneaking suspicion we ain’t seen nothin’ yet.)
(Of course, China in it’s middle-kingdomly wisdom tried that tack, with arguable lack of success… Well, it was good in theory, I guess, at least for those who forgot, or trashed, their Bibles…OTOH, maybe robots will save us all…)
But cull people and no matter how good your theories are—or fail to reproduce (same thing, essentially)—you generally end up with serious problems, which even a fool could foresee…though not the experts (or intellectuals)…
In any event, related:
“Population decrease is irreversible. How will we manage the decline of humanity?
“To stop their population implosions, countries are turning to immigration, stimulating birth rates and strengthening social services. None of them might be enough – and the long-term fix might be a radical one”—
https://archive.is/YK901
H/T Blazingcatfur blog.
(
Happy Birthday, JJ!
physicsguy,
I am 59. Some charts say I am a boomer, some do not.
Your mother sounds wonderful, neo! No surprise.
Great to hear so many commenters are thriving in their 70s, 80s and 90s!
After slowly gaining a pound here and a pound there, I still looked fairly trim being 6′ 4″ and 198 lbs.. But I wanted to halt the weight gain, so I lost 20 lbs. over a 3 month period last year. When long time friends and relatives see me they ask if I’ve lost weight. When I reply yep, they ask with a concerned look, “Did you mean to?” A year later, my once slightly-chubby face still sags and looks gaunt. I guess at age 68, there won’t be much tightening up.
I’ve also been struggling mightily with aging, and death and what it all means. It feels like there’s a diesel engine inside me that keeps churning away, but gears are stripping and slipping and the damned thing just won’t work like it’s supposed to. I find it hard to strike a balance between acceptance and giving up.
The term “boomer” is short for “Post War Baby Boom”. If you accept the definition of a generation as 20 years, then the generally accepted definition of the post war baby boom is anyone born in the 20 years between the end of WWII – 1945 and the 20 years after – 1965. Those born too late to serve or partake in WWII, but before the end of the war are mostly known as the “Silent” generation. (I have no idea why that is. They were a lot of things but “silent” wasn’t one of them.) I was born right in the middle of the boomer generation – 1954. However, one point I would also like to make is that “generations” don’t do anything – individuals do.
To touch on what Jimmy said at 6:27, here is a theory that I heard an older person tell me a long time ago about the passage of time.
Time, is our conscious awareness of it. Before we are born, time doesn’t really exist for us. It’s history. You can read about it, or you can hear others tell about it, but it really doesn’t exist in your experience. As a young child, when you do become more aware of time, that awareness is relative to your own life. So, for example, when you are six years old, one year is one sixth of your entire life up to that point. As you get older and your life gets longer, that same year becomes a smaller and smaller slice of your life’s awareness. Thus the older you get the faster time seems to slip by.
Of course there are irregularities. When you are bored, time seems to slow to a crawl no matter how old you get. (Doctors waiting room anyone?) And its opposite, when you are having fun for example, that same time seems to fly. (Tempus Fugit)
JJ:
Congratulations (belated) to you and your beloved.
huxley:
‘Yeah, to humble-brag, since I lost 60# last year, I definitely look older, kinda gaunt and a bit intense (maybe that was always there). I did gain 10# back, but I stabilized.”
Wow, that’s an accomplishment. I see the weight loss ads on TV where people claim to have lost 50 to 100 pounds, but I’ve never known anyone who actually did it.
There’s a lot of buzz about Ozempic, the diabetes drug. Apparently, it helps people lose weight easily and improves their kidney and heart function at the same time. Sounds almost like a fountain of youth drug. But it’s pricy. $1000 month. 🙁
I’m a member of the silent generation:
“The generation of people born before that of the baby boomers (roughly from the mid 1920s to the mid 1940s), perceived to tend towards conformism or restraint in their outlook and behavior.
Even when the Silent Generation was young, their motto was “waste not, want not.”
“Why are they called the silent generation? Traditionalists are known as the “silent generation” because children of this era were expected to be seen and not heard.”
Yep.
“Why don’t they say how lucky he is to have me?” <<
hmm, nobody noting that the sex ratios of Americans over 80 are not close to 50-50. Far far more women. Like my wife's mother, already a widow for 6 years. (In 2020, male to female ratio for people aged 70+ years for United States of America was 77.2 males per 100 females.*)
Yes, both partners are lucky to have found somebody else to enjoy & share life with – as all such couples have similar luck.
At 66, a '56 boomer, I'm increasingly aware of my own mortality. And annoyed at my wife wanting me to eat more healthily, and annoyed at myself for being annoyed at her, and VERY annoyed at healthy food not tasting as good as steaks.
Happy Birthday JJ!
Reminds me that Japan is already aging and starting to slowly decline in population, with China & S. Korea also on track with very low fertility rates. But while I see this, it’s not such a problem.
*https://knoema.com/atlas/United-States-of-America/topics/Demographics/Population/Male-to-female-ratio-for-people-aged-70-years
The biggest problem with low birth rates, is that the people deciding not to have children tend to be the ones at the right side of the bell curve, as far as intelligence or innovation.
Alan Colbo:
That’s the premise of the movie “Idiocracy.” Very funny film.
Mike K:
I remember you saying that “3 centuries” thing about your mom. So interesting!
I think I’ve mentioned that my grandfather had a sister who was born in 1849. Long long generations in my family.
baldilocks:
On the other hand, I’ve decided that a little bit of vanity is a good thing. When we stop caring how we look, that’s often a sign of giving up.
Gotta prepare a face to meet the faces that we meet, right? Congrats on the weight loss.
@ Alan > possibly true; but the silver lining is that a lot, and maybe most, of those people are also on the LEFT side of the political curve.
The future belongs to those who show up.
@ huxley & Kate — thanks for your interest. We are supposed to have internet service (even in the wilds of Wyoming!), but I won’t have the time to keep up as much as I do now, which is generally 6-8 hours a day. That is WAY too much, but it’s like following a soap opera / mini-series / multi-volume fiction saga, only for real.
I used to have a bookmark “you can’t make this stuff up” but it’s been superseded by The Babylon Bee.
This is where we will be serving as trail guides and museum docents, when we’re not grubbing brush, repairing fences, painting buildings, and cleaning outhouses.
https://history.churchofjesuschrist.org/content/historic-sites/wyoming/visiting-mormon-handcart-historic-sites?lang=eng
The segment that has been restored for visitors is along the North Platte River west of Devil’s Gate.
The sites are open for both day visitors, which are quite numerous during the summer, and some hardy souls in the winter; and multi-day treks, mostly by Church youth groups, only in the summer. That “season” starts in May after most schools are out and runs to the end of August. There are a couple of months’ work getting ready before & closing up afterwards. We will head out right after Easter Sunday, be back for Halloween.
We have friends who did 2 summers there and loved it, and we were support personnel for our local congregation’s trek in 2019, and our oldest grandson went with his ward last summer, so we kind of know what we are getting into.
@ huxley > “Congrats on your 48th! What combo of precious metals and jewels might that be?”
Probably ham & beans!
According to the lists, once you hit 20 you start counting by 5s (as Roy said, “Thus the older you get the faster time seems to slip by.”), so we will be between 45th Sapphire and 50th Gold.
I didn’t get any sapphires yet, but I’m going to insist on something gold when the time comes.
https://www.brides.com/gallery/wedding-anniversary-gifts-by-year-for-him-her-and-them
Important information —
https://babylonbee.com/news/is-today-your-anniversary-know-the-signs/
Believe It or Not, that was published on our anniversary last year!
“To stop their population implosions … the long-term fix might be a radical one”
Isn’t the long-term fix simply more sex? Sounds like a win-win.
A sublime, sweeping review of a biography…and its remarkable subject, with some hints toward the end of how one might go about dueling with “the dying of the light”….
“Rebecca West & the tragedy of Yugoslavia”—
https://newcriterion.com/issues/1992/6/rebecca-west-the-tragedy-of-yugoslavia
H/T Powerline blog.
Interesting, AesopFan, and you should really enjoy this. I had visions of Nauvoo and did not know about these sites along the trail.
Tangential to this post; Ozempic.
It’s new. Hopefully it is a great aid to diabetes sufferers.
Like me, many of you have likely seen or heard reports of non-diabetics using it for weight loss* (the point of neo’s post). It’s new. Maybe there will be side effects other than a gaunt visage? Perhaps not. However, in its current state users are looking at a lifetime of injections to lose weight and keep it off.
There is an interesting calculus here. Poll doctors and ask them if you could wave a magic wand and get all Americans’ BMI** under 25 what would that mean for illness and medical costs? It would be HUGE! The number of medical conditions caused or exacerbated by overweight are too many to count. Ozempic and its viability aside; if something like a daily, oral pill*** that helped most people maintain a low body weight were discovered what cost would be too great to provide it to everyone?
We would almost certainly see some medical insurers making it available to policy holders. Many employers would do this also, to reduce insurance costs and time missed from work due to illness and surgeries. Would governments mandate it? Nations with socialized medical systems may. Very interesting topic and one that may become a policy issue sooner than we would guess.
*https://variety.com/2022/film/actors/weight-loss-ozempic-semaglutide-hollywood-1235361465/
https://www.newsweek.com/celebrities-hollywood-weight-loss-diabetes-drug-ozempic-1774677
**BMI isn’t an ideal measure. I’m just using it here as a short-hand. There are a lot of different body types and personal preferences.
***It fascinates me how elusive this has been. The human body’s ability to create fat cells and keep those cells stored with lipids is amazing! There are so many mechanisms; even changes in mood and psychology. Evolutionarily it makes sense. For most all of human existence in all lands and cultures starvation was difficult to avoid. It’s not surprising our bodies evolved many ways to get us to eat when food is available, prefer high caloric food over lower calorie options and to not lose weight, once gained. Famine could be one drought or poor hunting season away.
Regarding my comment, above, I just realized the environmentalists would also be pushing this. The math on carbon reductions in moving less human weight on planes, trains and automobiles would be a big number when multiplied over a nation’s population.
I just caught the pun in neo’s post title.
Clever.
Boomer here also. Sometimes when I look in the mirror every morning before I lather to shave I think “That can’t be accurate”.
Back in 1968 there was a song called “Those Were the Days” sung by a Welsh singer named Mary Hopkin. There was a stanza whcih I found to be rather poginant and applies to everyone who gets introspective and melancholy about aging.
“Just tonight I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me?”
I’m 65 and have lost 40 lbs. recently. But what had me looking older than I should was my starting to go bald in my early 40s. Not wanting to go the combover route and make a fool of myself, I went for the crewcut look. About 6 months ago I finally said “aw, screw it” and shaved my head. My wife loves it and says it makes me look younger. Who knew?
Boy, I envy you and your husband, AesopFan. The history of the frontier trails with an emphasis on the Mormon migration. Good luck and I hope we will learn from you some of the things you experienced. I have always been a fan of frontier history.
Rufus T: I first learned about Ozempic’s amazing properties when reading Tony Robbins latest book, “Life Force.” It would seem that type two diabetes has an answer in Ozempic and similar drugs. Robbins even claimed that Metformin, the most commonly used type two diabetes drug, has longevity benefits. It would seem that the medical community would be doing more to study the possibilities of these drugs.
I recognize that the medical community may have a
jaundiced view of the population. My personal doctor once confided in me that too many of his patients did not follow his advice to improve their health. Such things as lose some weight, quit smoking, quit drinking to excess, get some exercise, and don’ts use drugs. It appears they feel like patients are too stubborn and set in their ways to follow their advice. 🙁 Maybe that’s why they decided to go the mandate route with the pandemic rules – low faith in people complying with medical advice.
JJ,
From years of experience the only professionals with less faith in humanity than physicians are likely police officers. Or, perhaps, clergy. 🙂