Posting later in the day
You may have noticed that the timing of my posts has shifted to later in the day. That’s mostly because I’m on the west coast, and should be here for about the next two weeks.
It’s also, of course, because I’ve been distracted by grief and also by all the tasks at hand connected with Gerard’s death. His family is doing a lot of that, but there are certain things he delegated to me – such as tending to his blog for a while – and that’s part of what is going on right now. Actually, having extra tasks as well as writing my own posts isn’t such a bad thing, because routine is somewhat distracting and can even function as comforting for a while.
There is still a very surrealistic quality to what happened. Gerard was such a vibrant and vital force that it seems exceptionally strange that he could have died. When I type that thought out and look at it, it seems an absurd thing to say. After all, everybody dies. He almost died eleven years ago, and I was present. And yet…his departure from this earth seems nearly impossible. It takes a lot of getting used to.
God speed Neo. Praying for your strength and that God brings peace to your heart.
FYI here in New England we are getting warnings from the town, as well as insurance company, to prepare for the cold weather Friday through Sunday – something that has never happened before (the warnings). Just a heads up in case you aren’t aware seeing as you are on the other coast with alot going on. Hopeful you have someone to look in on your place/batten down the hatches, wind forecast for Friday then single digit to below zero temps.
PS: Thank you for continuing to post
“it seems exceptionally strange that he could have died”
Not absurd at all to think such a thing…Even when we think we see it coming, we’re surprised. That is why this is so powerfully true…
“The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.
Our days on earth are like grass;
like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
The wind blows, and we are gone—
as though we had never been here.
But the love of the Lord remains forever
with those who fear him.
His salvation extends to the children’s children
of those who are faithful to his covenant,
of those who obey his commandments!”
I too continue to pray for that complete sense of shalom for you.
That feeling of the surreal never really goes away, nor does the grief.
One simply learns to live with the grief and to adapt to a permanently altered universe.
Staying busy definitely helps. Your readers and Gerard’s will be looking forward to your posts.
Normal reaction, I suspect, to loosing someone close to you, perhaps especially if the death came on unexpectedly. Back in 2020, my dad had been in and out of the hospital with heart failure, but I think we thought he still had a while. The Saturday night before “Easter”, aka ” Resurrection Day”, we even played a card or domino game where he won. Then Sunday afternoon he started having breathing issues but would not go to the hospital due to the Covid situation, I think because they would not let mother stay with him. That night he collapsed to the floor while mother and I were trying to get him to the bathroom. Suddenly , he was gone. I tried CPR in vain, and not very good at it, till the ambulance was there.
That next day I kept having this fleeting, irrational thought that the funeral home would call and say he was awake. Totally irrational, fleeting moments. The next two years were heavy. Walk down to the shop and see his tractor or walk past a part of the field where I had some memory or him or look at a farm building we had constructed or repaired together.
The last rows that he put down plastic mulch are still there. I had not brought myself to take up the plastic. This year I plan too. And till it in and plant some things there.
Dear Neo,
I have an inkling of how you feel in the things you’ve said above because I feel the same way. However, never even having met Gerard in person, I can’t imagine how you are processing your loss. Certainly you are a blessing to us who have been following him on line. At least we have had some news beyond his most abrupt disappearance and we will have more, thanks to you. I hope it helps you a bit also, to share your knowledge of him with all of us who have grown to love him from a distance. My biggest worry was that he was alone in his most profound experience after his birth (how we would love to read his words about the journey!). Knowing he had you in his life was a blessing for me and others too, I think.
Neo, I admire your (public) resilience as you continue to blog – which your readers very much appreciate. But I hope it is for you, rather for us. You have taken a deep loss. We extend our prayers for you to come to peace. God speed.
I hope that continuing to post, and to manage both blogs, will keep you busy for a while. I worry about you after this all settles down for the rest of us, but not for you.
Thanks be to God for those eleven years which were granted Gerard.
God bless you Neo.
Richard Palmer:
Thanks, and yes, I do it also for myself. The routine and the distraction are good.
Neo, don’t apologize. Anyone whining about you not being your usual tireless source of entries is a fool and a narcissist. You’ve let peeps know what is going on, so anyone demanding you not have time to deal with the issues — whatever they are — is undeserving of explanation.
Give us whatever time you wish, and don’t worry, we’ll survive. 😉
We give back to you,
Lord God, those whom you gave us.
You did not lose them when you gave them to us.
We do not lose them when they return to you.
Christ has shown us love that cannot die,
So death has lost its sting and cannot separate us from you.
Open our eyes to see you more clearly,
That we may be nearer our loved ones who are with You.
You told us that you have gone to prepare a place for us,
And we want to be there with You.
Christ, Lord of Life and Death.
Amen.
– William Penn 1644-1718AD
The thought doesn’t seem strange to me at all, it sums up my main reaction. How could someone so full of life be gone from us? Such a huge loss.
Gerard’s writing was a huge comfort and a major inspiration. No matter how serious or how light the topic, it always contained so much love of life. I’m glad he wrote so much, and delighted that a compilation is in the works. All we can do is celebrate a life well lived, and try to follow his example.
My deepest condolences, neo. And thank you for your embrace of us; your writing here and at the Digest keeping us informed has helped so much: because of you, we don’t have to go through this alone. Which is of course very much in the spirit of Gerard and his work. Again, thank you.
Neo: thank you for your notes to us, who are “outside” the place where you tend to the memory of your departed companion. Prayers up for you and him and all who were near him.
A thought: C.S. Lewis, mourning his wife, wrote “A Grief Observed.” I have found it very insightful —spiritually generous, if you will.
Dear Neo:
I’m late to this thread, and a bunch of commenters have already said what I would have said if I had been here earlier: do what you have to do, take care of yourself, and thank you for all you have done for Gerard.
We will still be here when your life gets back to “normal”. As if it ever will. . .
F
Neo, none of us can guess how you’re doing. But if I dare hazard a guess you’re carrying on like Gerard would have wanted. I’ve learned to admire you for your wit. Now I can admire you for your strength. You have more friends than you can possibly imagine.
Steve57:
Thanks so much.
Looking at the tributes to Gerard at his blog, I think I can safely say that he had no idea how very much he was loved by his readers. He knew a lot of people cared, but the grief is pretty intense over there.
Neo sed: “…it seems exceptionally strange that he could have died.”
========
That IS the strangest of things. Death.
My youngest brother died 4 years ago this week and I still haven’t come to terms with it. He lived in another state 1000 miles away and I hadn’t seen him in 10 years but we emailed almost daily and spoke on the phone frequently. In a way, in my mind, he didn’t die, we just stopped emailing and phoning. Yes, strange.