Reflections
I saw Gerard yesterday and I believe he’s quite close to death, perhaps days to a week. I’m not going to go into details except to say that meaningful conversation seems to have ceased, and he has also stopped drinking water. He’s being cared for attentively at a good place.
It is very hard to face losing his enormous presence in my life.
I wish you were right here so I could hug you. Such pain. God bless.
M J R
I’m deeply sorry to hear of this development. I wish there was something I could say that would lift you in this time of trial.
You have a lot of folks praying for you.
neo:
Continuing to pray for you and Gerard.
For Gerard, an end to this and an entrance into the larger life is what’s best for him. For you, there will be a lot of people praying for you and wishing you peace.
I am so sorry, Neo. Though the love never dies, the absence is permanent and profound. Holding Gerard, and you, in my thoughts.
Glad you’ve made it there safely & in time for however the earthly end arrives.
I do pray there’s peace and eventual solace.
“Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”
Gerard is loved and admired by so many fine people. The outpouring of love seen on his blog and yours is a testament to a life well lived.
We will all miss him, but you most of all. We see your loss and pray that you will be comforted by your memories of the good times you had together.
So sorry..
I can’t believe this was all so fast. I remember reading about him going to the hospital, I think it was earlier this month. Mostly, the assumption was that it was COVID related. I think we all just hoped for the best but assumed it was nothing that serious. We, his regular readers, will all miss him so much on the internet. Losing his intelligence and insight is, to me, the same as when we lost Breitbart and Rush.
My prayers are with you, and his friends and family, all of you who actually knew him and who will acutely feel this loss. May G-d comfort you along with all the other mourners for Zion mourners and Jerusalem.
I’m so sorry. My late business partner passed away a few years ago – cared for in home hospice by nurses, family and my daughter – who also helped care for a very much loved elderly neighbor. There’s a point where you just know that there is not much time left – usually days.
I’m so sorry, Neo.
I think John Bunyan would recognize Gerard as a contemporary example of the character he calls Mr. Valiant-for-Truth in Pilgrim’s Progress. Bunyan describes what happens when “the Master” summons Mr. Valiant-for-Truth to the Celestial Gate in Part 2:
Then said [Mr. Valiant-for-Truth], I am going to my Father’s; and though with great difficulty I am got hither, yet now I do not repent me of all the trouble I have been at to arrive where I am. My sword I give to him that shall succeed me in my pilgrimage, and my courage and skill to him that can get it. My marks and scars I carry with me, to be a witness for me that I have fought His battles who now will be my rewarder.
When the day that he must go hence was come, many accompanied him to the river-side, into which as he went he said, Death, where is thy sting? And as he went down deeper, he said, Grave, where is thy victory? So he passed over, and all the trumpets sounded for him on the other side.
Neo, you are among those chosen to accompany Gerard to the riverside, painful though that journey is. But you are also the one who now carries his sword as his successor, and you have the courage and skill to take up his unfinished tasks. We’ll all continue to pray for him– and for you as you go forward from the riverside.
I am so very sorry. I’ve never met any of the wonderful people I’ve encountered online, and would have loved to have met him. I can only hope that he is not in any appreciable pain, and that those who care for him can somehow find peace.
If he’s stopped drinking, we are talking days, like Friday or Saturday, as he is well into transition. Be there, hold his hand, talk to him. Remind him to say he is saved by the blood of Jesus. It will reduce his time in purgatory.
Use the sponge on a stick to wet his mouth. Be there.
You are both in my thoughts and prayers…
Neo:
What can we say, other than thank you for sharing your thoughts and your love with us. You and Gerard remain in our thoughts and prayers. Blessings to you both. F
Neo, I’m thinking of you and Gerard in this difficult time. I, too, wish I could be there to give you a hug.
I’m so sorry to hear this, Neo. You and Gerard are in my prayers.
Two brilliant writers I checked in on every day. Big void. Big.
Neo,
I am truly sorry that you are experiencing this sad ending to Gerard’s story. I am saddened as well. I have followed his blog for several years and lived in the foothills across from Auburn, CA. When I found his blog he was still in Paradise so I felt a kinship if only in geography. I soon learned he had so much to offer and became a fan. I hate to lose him, he was the first thing I read every morning. I am happy to have found you though. I’ll certainly continue to send prayers for Gerard and for you as well. God Bless and Thank You for all you do here and for Gerard.
“He’s being cared for attentively at a good place.”
At this point that is the most important.
My mother is under hospice care in a hospital bed in my living room because when she was in a facility the staff was overworked/understaffed. I’m not faulting the staff, they were doing their best with so little support, so few resources.
But, after visiting her a few times to find her crying “Help! Help!” from down the hall because there weren’t enough staff to help her move from a wheelchair to the bed and she was getting “saddle core” from sitting in the wheelchair for hours it was time to take drastic measures.
She would also call me several times a week to ask to come home. In short she was miserable. It is not good to die in unnecessary misery.
So, I finally found a home hospice team that will visit her in my home, bathe and change her once a day (m-f only); the rest of the time it is me doing everything. But, she is in a better place, a better frame of mind. And that is what matters.
The hospice team is a godsend! They are so dedicated to their calling and do everything in their power to make her feel better. They are a tremendous help to me as well!
I mention this, not to say whoa is me! But, to say, Neo, I know what a heavy burden it can be.
If you can help him with this end of life to make his transition to death better then may God bless you and the others who are helping and give you the strength to carry this burden.
(my eyes are getting teary as I write this because I know what a heavy emotional burden it is – God truly bless you!)
Empathy Neo. I have watched a number of people go through the ending, sometimes a very hard ending, including in the case of my Mother when I was a teen.
I have some sense of how heart wrenching this is for you.
As I said, I hope that you can focus on the good times and the pleasure they gave him; and the solace the memories can bring to you.
Neo, you and Gerard are much in my thoughts – I lost my mom this year, in hospice care. I was very grateful that my sister was able to find one so well run, but even so, it’s a difficult time when the gears shift. If Gerard has stopped drinking, then I think he may have made his peace. He will know you’re there, as no doubt the hospice people have relayed – hearing is the primal entry to consciousness, at almost all levels. With my mom, we kids stayed ’round the clock in shifts pretty much, talking with her and holding her hand, in addition to the hospice staff. Godspeed to Gerard, and God’s benevolent grace to you Neo. Thank you for taking the time to let us know.
Your strength is admirable, neo.
As difficult as the circumstances sometime seem, especially in the room with him, it may help to reflect on all the love that is also present. Although tragic, it is also an occasion of great love and even joy.
Author Andrew Klavan has a saying: “Grief is a desert that must be crossed on foot.” Godspeed to you and Gerard as you embark on your journeys.
Godspeed Gerard. And God bless you Neo for being with him.
Aw, Neo…
“It is very hard to face losing his enormous presence in my life.” We’re all praying, trying to comfort, stammering really, out of regard — no — out of love for you, and in the end knowing you have to face it alone. This inevitable pain that, in the moment, sinks and shrinks the soul; an almost nauseating sense of loss and disconnection. But you are THERE. God delivers us, eventually, from the fullness of this pain. Somehow he anesthetizes our memory. But you will always remember that, in the hour, you were there. God Bless You.
I was going to say “I am so sorry for you both.” But at least he is quickly going to a better place. We will miss him. I pray for him and for you. ~andrewdb
Neo, I just want to give you a hug. A big one.
Is there any family with him at this moment? Is he comfortable?
We all are losing someone we admire and respect. For you, it is a hundred times so. You have no idea about how much I’ve been thinking about him – and you – lately.
Is there any way we can talk? Just find my email address. I don’t know. Can you?
May God Bless you Neo. Praying for you and Gerard. His blog has a new reader in me. What a gifted soul, much like yourself. May God’s Grace give you some peace.
Bless both of you. May you find peace.
As I just said on my own humble websty: Thank God for your presence in Gerard’s life, Neo, and may He bless you for being there in this good and gentle man’s hour of greatest need.
Well, here is hoping it goes well. Gerard has had an accomplished life and we have been lucky to know him. We did not agree on everything, but then who does?
But death comes for us all, one way or another at what time it will. The fortunate are able to meet it at the end of a rewarding road,.
Prayers for you both.
Sad situation.So many things unsaid. And in the future, so many times you will wish you could talk to him.
Comments indicate many have been through it, doesn’t make it any easier. It hurts.
neo:
God bless you both.
I’m kind of following along now, and as such I read this:
Charles, said:
I have no grasp of your financial situation, nor hers; and it appears that you might be receiving some modest hospice assistance through insurance or some state program … though in equal likelihood, considering that you are doing much of the care-giving yourself, maybe not, and it is all out of pocket.
And as someone who hired and managed 24-7 in home care for his declining parents for several years, I know how little the relief you receive actually is. An elderly person can absorb all the efforts of a couple of aides, whereas you have only a few hours of help. There were a few times when due to unusual circumstances I had to step in (rather than visit, spread what cheer I could, and duck out) for 48 hours straight, and after 36, I would have gladly written a check for a thousand dollars in return for 8 hours sleep, if anyone were available to accept the check.
However:
The one thing that I am sure of though, is that when you look back on this, assuming the burden does not kill you first, you will see it as one of the best moral decisions you were ever privileged to make in your life; and you will thank God Almighty for what will look in retrospect as an opportunity of almost incalculable significance – even if, it was mostly the tug of natural affection that was impelling the decision so far as you were aware at the moment you made the decision.
There are relatively few moments in life where the average man or woman gets the “opportunity” to self-consciously make the right moral choice while recognizing and seeing the full cost to themselves in the light of day, and does it anyway.
Again: It may be the immediacy of feelings and the drive of natural affection that motivates you now, but as time goes on, you will see it from a more cosmic perspective; and give thanks that you had the chance to use whatever and all the means which were at your disposal to do whatever you could.
Sorry for your loss. Take time off to grieve and to recover. We will be here when you return.
XXX
Xylourgos
Neo, you found him 11 years ago when he died. To you was given the profound miracle of adding those extra years to a brilliant life.
To you has been given the joy and wonder of sharing Gerard’s special existence for almost 2 decades.
To you has been given the burden of these final few precious days.
Maybe we pay a profound price for the true miracles we are given.
The grief that pierces your heart is deeper because of the love and adventures, both mental and physical, you have shared. I will take a chance to say this: be grateful for the depth of that grief.
My brother and I are praying for the two of you. You both are special.
Trusting that your love for Gerard and the care and support of friends near and far along with so many prayers are helping you in this time of deep grief.
Sorry, to hear this. I never got into Gerard’s blog, but clearly, you and he had a good relationship — it’s always difficult to have something like that end.
I hope his passing is as easy as it can be (silver lining, of course, is that it’s so fast. A lingering doom seems to me the worst kind). I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’d like it to be telegraphed (so you can say goodbye) but not long, because, knowing you are going to die and there is nothing you can do about it seems like the worst place to be in… so I’d never want to be there for long.
Prayers for you, Gerard, and any others close to him.
Neo, thanks for everything…for being one of “the special angels of our nature” and for showing us what it means….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfVnqU8hyxU
So sorry. I’m glad you are there for him.
Hang in there,Neo.
Neo,
Thank you for ‘being there’ for Gerard. When I read you latest post at AD, my first reaction was ‘What a lucky man’, my second was ‘Perfect’. Between God and you, he is in excellent hands.
I’m pretty sure you know this, but be sure to take care of yourself during this bone-crushing time.
Lee
(leelu)
I’ve lost acquaintances and friends, but also four people I loved with all my heart and soul. Here is what I learned, and I offer it in hope that it will help you through the coming years.
There are some experiences that make us fully aware of a person we treasure. They’re a combination of actions, speech, sound, light, view, location, and other dimensions of life we experience with someone we love deeply that fill us with love and joy. They fill us with peace. I call them Perfect Moments.
As you spend these last few days with Gerard, speak to him about the Perfect Moments with each other. Believe that he’s in a place where he can hear you and find comfort reliving them with you.
Over time, the hurt and sorrow will fade to a dull ache. But when you recall the Perfect Moments, and how you shared them one last time, Gerard will still be with you, and you’ll find yourself at peace.
I’m not sure words do any good. The only thing that ever helps me, and it doesn’t help much, is “if I’d known 11 years ago I’d have 11 more years with him and not less, I’d have been happy.” I’ve had to say that sort of thing a lot over the last ten years and will have to say it a lot over the next ten.
Thank you for providing updates and for being there for our mutual friend. Thank you for being a blessing to Gerard.
Don’t rule out staying at the helm at AD. I grant you permission, FWIW. I ran a blog for nearly 10 years and it was important to me in its day – just saying that to let you know that I have ultimate respect for the blogging task. If it weren’t for mine, which I started in ’07, I doubt I’d have the career that I do have now.
Lastly, please take good care of yourself. Eat, and sleep. Seek out your significant people and feel their support.
Turtler beautifully wrote yesterday, “But death comes for us all, one way or another at what time it will. The fortunate are able to meet it at the end of a rewarding road.” I can only say, “Amen” [I agree].
Neo,
In my family, after the death of a loved one, there was a lot of stress if it was unexpected. And that can take a while to deal with mentally and heal. Take care of yourself.
I’m glad you made the time to visit him in his last days.
Ray
I am so sad for our collective loss, but especially for you and the personal shadow this is bringing. May God’s peace and comfort fill you during this. A wise friend once told me that we can never get over something like this, only through it. /russ
I am sorry for your loss of this friend in your life. May you find comfort somewhere in your grief.
So sorry Neo. We pray for you and Gerard and grieve with you. Peace be with you.
The loss of a loved one has effects which can only be imagined. I have found, though, that one can rerun the good times from memories. Like the time…. It’s bittersweet, but at least it’s sweet.
God bless both of you.
I pray that the Lord grants you both peace during this time.