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Home » Say it isn’t so, Joe

Say it isn’t so, Joe

The New Neo Posted on by

People have been wondering about Joe Biden for a long time. The truth (which some had already suspected) was revealed in yesterday’s appearance, when it become apparent that there was something “off” about the software. It finally became undeniable that yes, this was a robotic automaton with a glitch, and not actually Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden at all.

The explanation from his staff was simple and understandable:

We don’t want to tire Joe out in this time of worldwide turmoil and strife. And yet he wants to keep in touch with his admiring public. So we thought this would be a good solution, but unfortunately we inserted the software for “Miss America candidates’ responses to questions” rather than the “gaffeless Joe Biden” software. We apologize deeply, and will correct the problem soon.

Several prominent Democrats have said that Biden needs to be nominated anyway, even if he remains just the automaton and the real Joe never emerges. After all, anything is better than Trump.

As stated in a recent article:

Alex Wagner, co-host of Showtime’s “The Circus” and a contributor to The Atlantic, writes an op-ed…entitled “Stay Alive, Joe Biden.” The lede? “Democrats need little from the front-runner beyond his corporeal presence.”

“Voters seem to have coalesced around Biden for his past—who they have known him to be for the past four decades in American politics—rather than for anything in his present. It’s as if Biden exists primarily as an idea, rather than an actual candidate.

“Biden was never really convincing anyone on the stump—his political power at this point is an idea, held collectively, about how to defeat Trump. The work now is to keep that idea convincing enough, for long enough, among as many people as possible, for the corporeal man to actually win….

“Democrats have chosen Biden as their vessel for Trump’s defeat, and that choice is the entire point: The vanquishing matters more than anything else.”

So who needs his actual corporeal presence if it really only represents an idea anyway? The automaton may represent the idea of Biden better than his corporeal body can at this point. And anyway, it’s Biden’s advisors and the Deep State and the usual suspects from the Obama administration who will run a Biden administration.

The Constitution gives qualifications for running for president – age, citizenship, residency – but nothing in it says the candidate can’t be a robotic representation of the citizen with those qualities. After all, a living constitution must evolve with the times. The Biden automaton thinks it’s a person – in fact, it (preferred pronoun: he) actually thinks he is the person known as Joe Biden. Who are we to say that he’s not a better Biden than Biden himself, and fully qualified to represent the idea of Biden to the American people?

Comments

Say it isn’t so, Joe — 30 Comments

  1. Unfortunately, most Americans do not watch the Presidential debates – it should be mandatory in order to vote IMHO. Joe will get battered by Trump in a debate.

    We also believe that Joe is basically Obama 2.0 and that the VP will be the real POTUS and will likely be a former Obama admin member.

  2. Um, sorry.
    I think that at this stage of the game, we ought to call off April 1st this year—or maybe postpone it, like the Olympics….
    (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

    Jes’ sayin’ (Yes, I know, I know: you gotta laugh if you don’t wanna cry. Still…)

  5. I am disappointed that you chose to run with what appears to be a straight news item cribbed from Rachel (Nevada) Maddow, rather than an April 1 lampoon skewering the Democrats. Bummer!

  7. Hey,

    The democrats are now considering calling off the convention. I guess they will just acclaim JoeChina their presidential candidate (and likely the REAL presidential candidate as the Veep).

    Look for a surprise Veep choice — the real candidate who has been shielded from public view and thus has not had to reveal his/her/its agenda. It might be Harris or Cuomo or “Mike”.

    And this is no “April Fool”

  8. Neo! Very adroit. I’m impressed. This sort of thing is very hard to do with the right touch. Kudos

  9. An automaton should be better-performing; however, the insertion of the wrong software might explain it.

  10. If the DNC is using technology from Miss America candidates they should focus more on hardware rather than software. I’d rather see Tulsi Gabbard in a swimsuit competition (or debate stage) than Joe, the hairy legged lifeguard.

  12. https://www.kaggle.com/c/deepfake-detection-challenge

    Deepfake techniques, which present realistic AI-generated videos of people doing and saying fictional things, have the potential to have a significant impact on how people determine the legitimacy of information presented online. These content generation and modification technologies may affect the quality of public discourse and the safeguarding of human rights—especially given that deepfakes may be used maliciously as a source of misinformation, manipulation, harassment, and persuasion. Identifying manipulated media is a technically demanding and rapidly evolving challenge that requires collaborations across the entire tech industry and beyond.

    😉

    and if you think that is bad…
    why not take a look at hash cat…

    [this is a public service announcement aside from April 1st]

  13. April 1st or not…Please leave the satire to the Babylon Bee.
    PS…already the 2nd here.
    😉

  16. What Joe needs is the Public Information Officer (PIO) who explained what F-4 guy was trying to tell the press pool what combat flying was all about. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQ1AYVcAS7k, “What the captain means.”
    Joe needs to call this guy out of retirement and hire him as his “Information Officer.”

  17. John Guilfoyle:

    Just curious – why?

    I’m certainly not stopping the Babylon Bee – which I think is great – from doing its satire. Is there not room for a big fish and a small fish, on April Fools Day?

    Is your objection that you don’t like this particular post? Or is your objection that satire is not in order in times of trouble?

    I’ve been writing April Fools Day posts ever since I started blogging. The first one was in 2005. It’s a tradition that I’m loathe to end. Some are more successful, others less. This year is a particular challenge, because people are understandably gloomy. But I certainly think humor is still in order; it just may be more difficult to achieve.

    That said, of course you are welcome to dislike it or think it inappropriate.

  18. The opponent on the ballot will be either Andrew Cuomo or Hillary Clinton. Take it to the bank. Biden will withdraw his name after nominated due to health reasons. He’ll give an emotional – but short – speech and reference Beau and his deceased first wife. The Dems then put Andrew or Hillary in Joe’s spot.

  19. John Guilfoyle:

    Don’t be stomping your feet down there under, you might make it all tip over (Guam effect writ large).

  21. Neo – I looked forward to your post today and STILL almost fell for the first paragraph.
    I mean, look at what Disney did with audioanimatronics!
    Got to keep all those H1-B hires busy during the lock-down.

    I particularly admired the adroit use of your usual reporting style.

  22. If we’re talking automata, maybe we should bring Max Headroom out of retirement and put him on the ticket.

    I’m not sure that Cuomo is going to go for it this year – 2024, definitely, but maybe not now.

  23. I absolutely LOVE what you’ve done, here. And the AI “deep fake” comment was my favorite response. Bravo, Neo. And thank you. Why should the Babylon Bee have all the fun? I’ve been following you for years, and appreciate all you do.

    As I mentioned a few years ago, the damage I have personally inflicted on students in 30 years of classes (New York), myself a victim of manipulated text, instruction, and media influence remains my serious burden. ( Think Southern Poverty Law Center materials.) I’m trying to do my part to ameliorate the damage in a new generation. Pay attention to what Pearson Publishers do in texts and online monopolies. They’re a monolith.

  24. Given the progression so far, by the date of the Convention Biden will be drooling on a bib around his neck, and/or nonstop babbling nonsense words.

    The Democrats will not dare to let him do anything live, because Ol’ Joe just might take it into his head to wander off stage during the middle of his speech, and start to “sniff” and grope the nearest female.

    So, they’re gonna have to put in a sub.

    Who that sub is going to be I have no idea, but there are l lot of wretched possible candidates.

  25. Why?

    Usually the April Fool’s faux-post is awesome…always draws me in.
    I saw this one from across the street.

    There’s always next year. Still love your work!

  27. The Democrat’s just announced postponement of their Convention until August now gives them the time to orchestrate a substitute candidate to replace Babbling, Bumbling Biden as I mentioned above.

  30. On April 1 I got an email from the auto dealer (I recently bought a new used car) that I had a check-up appointment for 6 AM today.

    I called the Service Dept yesterday and the answer person was bemused. The Service Dept doesn’t even open until 8 AM.

    I asked if it was an April’s Fool joke. She said, no.

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