Happy Father’s Day!
[NOTE: This a slightly edited version of a previous post of mine.]
It’s Father’s Day. A sort of poor stepchild to Mother’s Day, although fathers themselves are hardly that. They are central to a family.
Just ask the people who never had one, or who had a difficult relationship with theirs. Or ask the people who were nurtured in the strength of a father’s love and guidance.
Of course, the complex world being what it is, and people and families being what they are, it’s the rare father-child relationship that’s entirely conflict-free. But for the vast majority, love is almost always present, even though at times it can be hard to express or to perceive. It can take a child a very long time to see it or feel it; but that’s part of what growing up is all about. And “growing up” can go on even in adulthood, or old age.
Father’s Day—or Mother’s Day, for that matter—can wash over us in a wave of treacly sentimentality. But the truth of the matter is often stranger, deeper, and more touching. Sometimes the words of love catch in the throat before they’re spoken. But they can still be sensed. Sometimes a loving father is lost through distance or misunderstanding, and then regained.
There’s an extraordinary poem by Robert Hayden that depicts one of these uneasy father-child connections—the shrouded feelings, both paternal and filial, that can come to be seen in the fullness of time as the love that was always, always there. I offer it on this Father’s Day to all of you.
THOSE WINTER SUNDAYS
Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he’d call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house.Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s austere and lonely offices?
my father moved through dooms of love
through sames of am through haves of give,
singing each morning out of each night
my father moved through depths of height
this motionless forgetful where
turned at his glance to shining here;
that if (so timid air is firm)
under his eyes would stir and squirm
newly as from unburied which
floats the first who, his april touch
drove sleeping selves to swarm their fates
woke dreamers to their ghostly roots
and should some why completely weep
my father’s fingers brought her sleep:
vainly no smallest voice might cry
for he could feel the mountains grow.
Lifting the valleys of the sea
my father moved through griefs of joy;
praising a forehead called the moon
singing desire into begin
joy was his song and joy so pure
a heart of star by him could steer
and pure so now and now so yes
the wrists of twilight would rejoice
keen as midsummer’s keen beyond
conceiving mind of sun will stand,
so strictly (over utmost him
so hugely) stood my father’s dream
his flesh was flesh his blood was blood:
no hungry man but wished him food;
no cripple wouldn’t creep one mile
uphill to only see him smile.
Scorning the Pomp of must and shall
my father moved through dooms of feel;
his anger was as right as rain
his pity was as green as grain
septembering arms of year extend
less humbly wealth to foe and friend
than he to foolish and to wise
offered immeasurable is
proudly and (by octobering flame
beckoned) as earth will downward climb,
so naked for immortal work
his shoulders marched against the dark
his sorrow was as true as bread:
no liar looked him in the head;
if every friend became his foe
he’d laugh and build a world with snow.
My father moved through theys of we,
singing each new leaf out of each tree
(and every child was sure that spring
danced when she heard my father sing)
then let men kill which cannot share,
let blood and flesh be mud and mire,
scheming imagine, passion willed,
freedom a drug that’s bought and sold
giving to steal and cruel kind,
a heart to fear, to doubt a mind,
to differ a disease of same,
conform the pinnacle of am
though dull were all we taste as bright,
bitter all utterly things sweet,
maggoty minus and dumb death
all we inherit, all bequeath
and nothing quite so least as truth
–i say though hate were why men breathe–
because my Father lived his soul
love is the whole and more than all
eecummings
I like the Hayden poem. One of the things technology has brought us is that it is no longer necessary for one to arise early and get the fires blazing. A garage door opener means nobody has to get wet. Coal does not need to be hauled nor furnaces cleaned.
Fewer things to be done, and thanked for, or not.
Thanks for Hayden’s poem, Neo, and for e. e. cummings, vanderleun.
Although the heat is on in the morning, I can assure you, as a father, that love still has quite a few austere and lonely offices. Then again, most men don’t necessarily want recognition or companionship.
y81 – but a thank-you now and then would probably be much appreciated —
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/fathers?cid=HP_TU_7-6-2016_dPFD_fGC_xLIDyL1-A_&lang=eng
“As a Church, we believe in fathers. We believe in “the ideal of the man who puts his family first.” We believe that “by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” We believe that in their complementary family duties, “fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable.“
Neo,
Thank you for the warm wishes–from all of us fathers out there.
Let me add:
“. . . it’s the rare father-child relationship that’s entirely conflict-free.”
Nor should a relationship be.
Conflict is way of nature. Our job, that is for both fathers and mothers, is to raise our children so that they don’t need us anymore; so that they can stand on their own. As that happens it is only natural that differing opinions, differing life experiences and differing maturities will lead to differences of opinion and outlook. It is the human equivalent of a fledgling testing its wings.
Our duty as parents is to move beyond such conflict. The payoff comes when the children become intelligent, contributing adults and as parents we experience more joy in them (and with them) than we could have ever imagined.
Well, I feel showered in love from my 3 children and their children. Granddaughter Cora, 5 years old July 28, called me this morning to wish me happy fathers day. Family is everything.
although fathers themselves are hardly that. They are central to a family….
not since feminists declared destruction of the family with men at the head being the prime goal (while their followers ignore the leaderships goals and work)…
family destruction is mostly complete…
Between 1960 and 2014, the number of families with children under 18 headed by single-parents increased from 8.2 percent to almost 31.3 percent.
Fewer than half (46%) of U.S. kids younger than 18 years of age are living in a home with two married heterosexual parents in their first marriage. This is a marked change from 1960, when 73% of children fit this description, and 1980, when 61% did, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of recently released American Community Survey (ACS) and Decennial Census data.
the proportion of divorces in which the woman initiated divorce proceedings has been remarkably stable – it varies between 60-70 percent.
Only half (50.6%) of custodial parents have a child support award or agreement.
the reason women dont know what they are supporting is because of women like above (in UK, but i can give you similar here)…. they know the tenets of the ideology they follow as leaders and they know if they actually promoted the truth of those tenets they would lose support.
so the openly pretend that feminism wants families and that its all nice nice… but then never reconcile the goals of such, whcih are open, but not somehting the leadership says openly
you know. like sanger standing before the KKK giving speeches and they pretend she didnt, etc.
The nuclear family must be destroyed… Whatever its ultimate meaning, the break-up of families now is an objectively revolutionary process. Linda Gordon
Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the women’s movement must concentrate on attacking this institution. Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage. Sheila Cronin, the leader of the feminist organization NOW
Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice. Andrea Dworkin
The proportion of men must be reduced to and maintained at approximately 10% of the human race. Sally Miller Gearhart, in The Future — If There Is One — Is Female
And if the professional rapist is to be separated from the average dominant heterosexual (male), it may be mainly a quantitative difference. Susan Griffin, Rape: The All-American Crime
As long as some men use physical force to subjugate females, all men need not. The knowledge that some men do suffices to threaten all women. He can beat or kill the woman he claims to love; he can rape women…he can sexually molest his daughters… THE VAST MAJORITY OF MEN IN THE WORLD DO ONE OR MORE OF THE ABOVE. Marilyn French
I believe that women have a capacity for understanding and compassion which man structurally does not have, does not have it because he cannot have it. He’s just incapable of it. Barbara Jordan, former Congresswoman
#endfatherday
Fox News Why are feminists rallying to ban Father’s Day
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHECQ8HOD34
FAthers are useless…
and you have to love this schizo thing:
Here’s How A Fake Feminist Hashtag Like #EndFathersDay Gets Started And Why It’ll Keep Happening
oh, so its fake.. those evil men.
then…
I Started The Hashtag #EndFathersDay, And Here’s Why by Anne Gus
of course women support this…
or they believe the lie that its a lie and then what?
[edited for length by n-n]
Artfldgr,
Sometimes you are such an inappropriately-timed crepe hanger.
Arfldgr:
I’m sure that there are women who support it. There are men who support all kinds of dreadful/hateful/stupid/etc things, too.
The vast majority of women don’t support it. The fact that some women do support it does not mean that in general “of course women support this…”. Actually, of course women generally do not support this.
Of course some do. You can get some people (women or men) to support any idiocy.
neo-neocon Says:
June 20th, 2016 at 1:43 pm
Arfldgr: I’m sure that there are women who support it. There are men who support all kinds of dreadful/hateful/stupid/etc things, too. // The vast majority of women don’t support it. The fact that some women do support it does not mean that in general “of course women support this…”. Actually, of course women generally do not support this.
yes. and i said that most women dont know they are supporting this by voting with these wackos by voting for people like hillary, pelosi, etc..
yes… but the men are not leading the National orginaization of women, they are not voted into congress, they are not advisors to presedential campaigns, they dont make law, and one is a commenter for ny times and been on the view – not as nut jobs but as reasonsed thinkers
you really dont go and read college courses like where i work do you
Sheila Cronin – head of NOW… not crazy man in bumfck
Sally Miller Gearhart – American teacher, feminist, science fiction writer, and political activist – not homless crazy man on the street
Andrea Dworkin – top of the top feminist leaders
Susan Griffin – She received a MacArthur grant for Peace and International Cooperation, an NEA Fellowship, and an Emmy Award for the play Voices
may i ask how many of those men you refer to have won awards in the past 20 years?
Marilyn French – At one point in the book the character Val says, “all men are rapists” The Women’s Room sold more than 20 million copies and was translated into 20 languages – she was advisor to al gore
Barbara Jordan a lawyer, educator an American politician, and a leader of the Civil Rights movement. A Democrat, she was the first African American elected to the Texas Senate after Reconstruction, the first Southern African American female elected to the United States House of Representatives, the first known lesbian woman elected to the United States Congress
these are not fringe characters… these are people who have been defining things like womens studies and workplace policy… they are CELEBRATED… ELECTED… MAKE POLICY… ADVISE ON POLICY
may i ask about the example men you are talking about?
Valerie Jean Solanas Solanas’s life has been the focus of numerous performances, films, musical compositions, and publications. In 1996, actress Lili Taylor played Solanas in the film I Shot Andy Warhol, which focused on Solanas’s assassination attempt on Warhol.
have you looked at required courses in college lately?
let me know when a dozen equal men are advising presidential candidates, setting college courses, writing law, and so on… THEN your relativisim may apply in some degree..
i would have celebrated fathers day, except that a feminist judge said i had no rights and so my son ended up with a woman who robbed a bank (and he was with her)
and that is nothing compared to the rquired courses that now are in play, and i will say, that unlike feminist professors, the men who may believe similarly, are generally not employed…
in case you havent noticed these fringe people have gone to the point where there is a marraige strike, men dont want relationships, and we are importing immigrants to replace the bodies not born
FREAKING hard to have fathers day if there are no fathers!!!!
and at the diversity chronical
Racist Professor Fired For Using The Offensive Word Chiggers During Entomology Class
https://diversitychronicle.wordpress.com/2015/12/28/racist-professor-fired-for-using-the-offensive-word-chiggers-during-entomology-class/
[edited for length by n-n]
Artfldgr:
I don’t think there’s a person here who (a) claims these excesses don’t exist, and (b) doesn’t think they are wrong and damaging.
I was criticizing the idea that they are common among women; that women as a whole might think that way.
This is a Father’s Day post. A tribute to fathers (written by me, a woman). Not a single person has commented in a way that doesn’t praise fathers or consider them important.
I realize that you have suffered at the hands of feminists. No one is arguing that these things don’t exist. But this thread is very much about the opposite—the value and importance of fathers.