Four warning signs
If you’re like me, you keep getting spam emails with enticing come-ons like “Would you like to know the four subtle warning signs that you’re near death from [fill in the blank]?” Or, “Would you like to know how to look 30 years younger in 10 seconds?” or “…how to lose your belly fat?”
Well, who wouldn’t?
Have you ever fallen for it and clicked on the link? In moments of weakness, I have. The ensuing experience is always the same. Someone—a doctor, a spokesperson—appears in a video and tells you what he/she is going to tell you. “I’m going to tell you this heretofore secret information about how you can energize/smooth out/avoid…” and he or she goes on and on and on till you find yourself shrieking, “Don’t tell us what you’re going to tell us. Get on with telling us, already, you friggin’ torturer!!!
Every single video also uses the following format: nowhere does it say how long it is, or how many minutes have elapsed and how many are left. There’s no sense of time at all. The person has all day—don’t you? And the longer he or she goes on telling you what he will soon be telling you (soon, soon!!), the more reluctant you are to leave—abysmally stupid though you now feel for having been sucked into this mess—because you have already invested way too much time in this worthless endeavor, and you are surely at least getting closer to the revelation of the secret, right? But first, this person in the video—whom you have grown to detest—is determined to give you the whole furshlugginer story and then some, complete with little squiggly diagrams.
I have never lasted to the bitter end of any of them. Perhaps I’ve never even lasted till the middle—but since we don’t know how long they really are, I have no way of knowing where the middle is. Perhaps they just play in an endless, sadistic loop.
Old MAD magazine (?) joke:
“What’s a furshlugginer?”
“Someone who shluggins furs, obviously.”
Modern day snake oil salespeople. Nothing more. P. T. Barnum had it right.
AMEN.
Of course its a sales pitch. And the quality of what they have to offer is perfectly reflected by the length of the pitch. The catch being to get you so invested in the time you’ve spent, that you buy simply not to have to face the amount of time you’ve wasted. Dishonest people employ dishonest tactics. Honest people let the product speak for itself.
High pressure selling via psychological ‘time-investment.’
The second I see it unfolding — i click away.
An email from someone/thing who is not on my contact list is permanently deleted unopen. I am surprised that you open them neo.
parker:
These emails are from sources that are not unknown to me. Some of them are from health newsletters, or even certain news organization (which shall remain nameless) who have these as paid advertisements. It’s not just spammy spam.
NEVER click on a link in an email from someone you don’t KNOW. It’s a very dangerous thing to do, if you like your data and your computer. There’s a nasty little bug out there now called ransomware. It encrypts your files and demands payment. You won’t get them back without paying for it, and even then it’s no guarantee. There are many other dangers aside from ransomware.
http://www.trendmicro.com/vinfo/us/security/definition/ransomware
For the record, I’m a computer technician, and I’ve seen it in action on the computers of my users. It’s ugly, to say the least, and there’s nothing I can do but shrug my shoulders and ask if they have backups.
Tom:
These are from sources I’m familiar with. Mostly news sources and some health newsletters I get.
Iron-clad Rule #1:
An e-mail from a sender you don’t instantly recognize goes directly to the Trash, or else is immediately sent to the “Report Phishing Scam” repository.
Iron-clad Rule #2:
Never click on a link in an e-mail, no matter how trustworthy the sender (your mother, your dog, your BFF ). Instead mouse over the link and type the address into another tab your very own self with your very own digits.
Iron-clad Rule #3:
Keep those antennae in good order and plugged in and switched ‘On’ whenever dealing with your In-box. A lot of people’s address books have been filched for scamming and spanning. If you get an e-mail from sender “Junior,” whom you distinctly remember delivering some 20 years ago owing to earlier misbehavior with some MAN! *grin*, but the subject line is wildly out of character for the putative sender, it’s a good bet it’s not from Junior at all. Trash it or Spam it, as you prefer, but for pity’s sake don’t open it.
(This applies as much to men as to women; change the reason for recognizing Junior as a welcome sender, to suit the particular case. ‘Nother *grin*.)
Iron-clad Rule #4:
Never, ever send e-mails to multiple parties with the addresses in the clear. Always, always use BCC. Your friends may never know how grateful to you they should be for this guardianship.
Fact: If you follow Simple Iron-Clad Rules #1 – #3, and you end up watching the The Night of the Living Commercial for the next solid week, it’s on you. But if the gods are willing, in that case you and your electronic helper have not caught a ghastly fatal flesh-eating disease.
Also: I threw in Rule #4 because I always do. I feel apologetic about it sometimes, but you would be amazed at the number of IT people who simply can’t be bothered. Let alone the number of non-IT people who are, nevertheless, quite bright.
And remind your Undisclosed recipients to do likewise, even if they hate you for it and just don’t get it. See Rule #3.
I quickly close any screen with a presentation that starts with “Make sure your sound is on.” This sometimes produces an offer to view a transcript, which allows you to then skim through the information.
I was going to post the usual security lecture, but that’s been beaten to dearth already.
Given that these are putatively semi-legitimate (read “safe”), why not post a link to one in the comments? Might be entertaining.
So has anybody obtained the information re “the 4 things that happen just before a heart attack” ??? Dying (pun intended) to
know !
And speaking of Commercials, put down your coffee before opening the link to this WSJ piece.
Otherwise I cannot be responsible for the health of your keyboard, whether the explosion onto it be the result of uncontrolled hilarity or uncontrolled disbelief.
(Of COURSE you are going to take my Very Good Advice above and type in the URL your very own self. Aren’t you. *grin* But I did just now check it out myself for legitimacy.)
http://www.wsj.com/articles/smart-tampon-the-internet-of-every-single-thing-must-be-stopped-1464198157?trk=pulse-det-art_view_ext
Julie near Chicago, I’m in love with you, will you marry me? Your “Iron Clad Rules” are HOTTTTTT!
Tom, thanks for your kind words. You seem like my kind of IT geek. Er, the computers won’t be sleeping in the same bed, I assume. And I’ll have to ask the cat. But if those two hurdles aren’t a problem, we can certainly share an Inbox.
:>)
I thought I was the only one who ever clicked on “the four things that happen before you die.” Of course not — it’s advertising, of course, and if it didn’t work they’d find something that does.
Has anyone ever watched to the end? I cannot for the life of me figure out what they could be selling. I’m sure it’s a sales pitch, but the narrator keeps droning on and on.
I’m guessing one of the things is “you beat your computer into small pieces.”
JnC, you have a cat? 🙁 I’m sorry that’s a deal breaker. lol
I have not run across the interminable videos with medical information in my e-mail, because my ISP does a good job of separating out the spam. However, I have run across them in my browsing the Internet. I have on occasion clicked on them, but soon stopped the video for the same reason: why listen to a video for 5-10 minutes when the same information when written down can be perused in a minute of less?
Neo: is this the first time you’ve seen attempted courtship in your Comments section? Just wondering…
Daniel in Brookline:
No, not the first time.
Oh well, Tom, I’ll try to bear up. Life is full of these disappointments. But I can’t give up my relationship with Samantha, whose pet name is SlipperKitty due to her superabundance of skin covered with long, soft fur; out of which I intend to make a wonderful pair of slippers as soon as I get a round tuit. In the meantime, we have a wonderful working relationship. She allows me to sit beside her on the couch, provided I attend to the stroking of said fur and especially to the scratching of the cheeks.
I’m sure you can see why I couldn’t possibly divorce her. :>)
Is there any possibility that she could be persuaded to fast forward to the “SlipperKitty” portion of your relationship? Is there, perchance, a possibility that 2 pairs of slippers could be constructed? I do like soft slippers!
I’m all about compromise!
I see that, Tom. A wonderful characteristic, in certain circumstances. I am a very good judge of which those would be, and what sort of compromise would be acceptable. :>))
I don’t think I’ll be able to found a Round Tuit in the next few days, alas, as I am appointed by the Young Miss and her husband to see that Her Ladyship is properly provided with food, drink, and appropriate massage and so forth. And I am instructed to cater to her every whim, which I fear is not going to include contributing to the comfort of the human pedal extremities.
But if that should change, I shall certainly let you know. In the meantime, I must question you closely as to your personal life, tastes, commitments. Namely, I hope you are not irremediably in thrall of Windows, as that would signal utter incompatibility of our fundamental natures … as I am of the higher type of human, namely a MacAddict. :>))
* * *
Notice to the peanut gallery: Clearly Tom and I have a hot thing going here. Watch, read, and learn. 😉
JnC,
hahahahahaha, I thought apples were for eating, not computing :0. I must say, in my early days I had a high regard for Windows/Microsoft systems, but since the advent of Vista, 8, and 10, I’m increasingly looking for a new path forward. I’ve pondered Macs as an option, and have watched many of my friends and associates for whom I have a great deal of respect, adopt their use. Currently, I love my Windows 7 machine, and have fought to keep the dreaded Microsoft “you will be assimilated” Windows 10 off of my computer. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
Oh very well, Tom. I suggest we remain friends just the same.
I confess I do have a little Acer Netbook from 2009 which still chortles along happily on XP. The internal cell-system modem gave up the ghost a few years back, so I replaced it with AT&T’s HotSpot+AirBook (MacBook Air, that is) for travel; but I’m still very fond of it. Thing is built like a tank, suffered quite a few falls from as high as 3.5′ onto a wood floor. Ethernet port still works fine, however. :>)
I’m the “if it ain’t broke” type, so I still run OS 10.6.8 on my MacBook Pro’s, OS 10.9 on the AirBook (would have preferred 10.6.8 there too, but at least I can play the newer “casual” games on it), and good old OS 10.3.4 on the beloved 12.5-year-old G4, with Firefox to match. It still gets most sites, although it’s awfully slow. :>)
From what I’ve read, it seems prudent to be cautious about Win 10.
JnC,
Friends it is then! I really do enjoy your wit, and and comments. 🙂
Thanks, Tom, and the same backatcha. 🙂