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If you’re going to commit adultery… — 17 Comments

  1. In a way, you’re right.

    But this is only one side to a many sided story.

    Some people react in this way. There is an infinite variety to people.

    Some people are swingers and actually enjoy watching their spouse commit “infidelity.” In those relationships, infidelity becomes redefined into any sexual behavior that takes place out of the site of one member of the couple.

    Some marriages are strictly for convenience sake, and both members of the marriage agree to seek their sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

    There are many more varieties than this.

    So, while this article has some merit, it only describes the reactions of one sort of married couple.

    I think that one of the reasons that homosexuals (particularly homosexual men) are becoming more open and accepted is precisely this. Gay men often are in relationships that don’t fit the paradigm of traditional hetero marriage. Many heteros look at this and wish they could have some of that themselves.

  2. Shouting Thomas: of course some people react differently. But that hardly needs saying. The point is that most people would like fidelity from their spouses. Even these days.

  3. Neo, there is a country song specifically about this. Its a female singer, don’t remember the name or many words, but it talks about the head board that the man made for the couple and how the wife no longer wants and “those satin sheets she tore…there not mine anymore…”

  4. If I were the mistress in this affair, I would find it very creepy to carry out the affair on the very bed he and his wife use. I would also be very suspicious of a man who had so little sentimentality and wonder how he’ll treat me in the future.

  5. Taking the NYT commenter’s account at face value:

    1. …59-year-old-husband-dating-28-year-old-immigrant-seeking-green-card…

    IMO his karma will come into play as soon as the new young wife no longer needs him to maintain her immigration status and can concoct a claim on his assets.

    2. My expectation of that is reinforced because the greencardless mistress agreed to sleep in the marriage bed.

    3. That’s not to dismiss utilitarian marriages out of hand. But a utilitarian marriage grounded in infidelity–egregious infidelity in this case–is a different matter.

    4. None of the above tsktsking is meant to imply that my own life has been devoid of idiotic and/or cringeworthy actions (not necessarily wrt marital fidelity).

  6. “”I would also be very suspicious of a man who had so little sentimentality and wonder how he’ll treat me in the future.””
    Rare Commenter

    What future? You must be refering to the next three or four weekends. Lol

  7. One shouldn’t use the marital bed.

    Rather, you should do it on the dining room table. And in the
    kitchen. And on the couch. And…

    What? I told y’all I was working on become an amoral son-of-so-and-so. If you’re going to stick a knife in, you need to use a serated edge, and twist it…

  8. I would also be very suspicious of a man who had so little sentimentality and wonder how he’ll treat me in the future.

    We’re men. We generally don’t have sentimentality over things like a mattress. Had the marriage lasted, what would the wife’s reacton be when it comes time to replace it?

    As for how he’d treat his new woman, that’s easy: show me a spouse that I can steal away, and I’ll show you a spouse that can be stolen away from me.

  9. Reverence? from a 59yo cheater? Not a chance. That’s a little late for a mid-life crisis, btw. Even he should be wise enough to realize the green card is the ONLY thing that’s sure to last in his new relationship!

  10. ok, I didn’t mean to make light of the affair, rather I was just sadly making a pun on the whole immigration thing.

  11. Had a friend whose wife did betray him in their bed. It’s about all she got in the division of property. And her taking it was a requirement. No luck on custody of the 4 yr old kid even though he slept across the hall while she was with the neighbor. Judge said he’d needed proof of the kid serving them drinks in bed to get primary custody.

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