Hair: the long and the short and the aging
To take up a topic suggested by a number of comments to my earlier post today (and to avoid talking about Obama just a little bit longer): why do older women, or even middle-aged women, so seldom wear their hair long? And should they perhaps do so more often?
Since we discussed Mia Farrow in that previous post, and since she’s a woman of a certain age (65, to be exact), let’s see what she looks like today:
I’ll spare Ms. Farrow the side-by-side comparisons with her own youthful self. She’s had enough grief at Woody Allen’s hands; I don’t need to add to it. But if you want to see a photo, just look here.
The point is not that she looks older now—she does—or that she appears to have had a soupcon of cosmetic surgery enhancement (she does). It’s what’s going on with her hair, and whether she would look better with something a bit shorter, although not necessarily something as short as her trademark androgynous do in her heyday.
My answer is yes. The main reason is the same reason that really long hair is often a not-great look for many other older women: hair gets thinner and duller as one ages.
Yes folks, men may get bald, but women’s crowning glory is likewise not untouched by time. I have been fortunate enough to have (so far, knock wood) a certain heredity that involves a lot of hair, and even my 96-year old mother still has a fair amount of it, but age is not kind to hair in general, and really long hair tends to look lifeless and droopy on an older women unless she is in that very tiny percentage of the population whose locks somehow retain the shine and gloss of youth, and/or whose gray or white hair is astoundingly thick and especially flattering. Coloring helps the whole project for most, but it can’t restore the bounce and vigor of yesteryear’s tresses, and the older face itself has enough drag that more drag does not do it any favors.
I’ve had longish hair most of my life. But really really really long hair was only possible when I was a teenager and in my early twenties. One reason was that the thickness of my hair made it take forever to dry, and the longer it was, the longer that process took, till it seemed to consume an entire day. Another was that, once I was out of school and about in the world, very long hair just stopped looking good and looking stylish. But I kept it medium-long, never short.
Later on, when I hurt my arms, I could not have it long because I couldn’t fuss with it any more. But those relatively short-haired years were not my finest and most flattering, hairwise (or otherwise, if truth be told), and as soon as I was well enough to be able to deal with longer hair, I started growing it out, and got lots of compliments.
But I noticed a funny thing. There was a point beyond which it started getting draggy again. So over the years I’ve kept it more or less the length in my little apple photo in the upper right. It seems to work for me, and I guess you’d call it long, and I guess you’d call me older, so I guess I’m a sort of older woman with sort of long hair.
It’s an idiosyncratic thing; I’ve got quite a few friends on whom short hair is best. But in general, all else being equal (which it never is), I agree with those who say a little length is good for a women, even an older one, if her hair can handle it. Here, for example, is a generally good length for a woman of what we might call mature years (it helps, of course, to be Helen Mirren):
[NOTE: Oh, and by the way, about those younger women—here’s a shot of Seberg, she of the chic pixie haircut, in a long do for the movie “Lilith.” IMHO, ultra-short was much better on Ms. Seberg in her prime. It gave her a distinctive artsy look that she lacks here:
Your mileage, of course, may vary.]
For a wavy hair it is definitely best to be kept at manageable length; curly hair – even more so. I know it requires more time for maintenance, all my life I was envious of curly hair – and of my sister who has it. I, alas, took after “straight hair” line of my family – and have to pay attention to precise cut.
I wouldn’t say Helen Mirren has longish hair in that picture; that, actually, what constitutes a “short haircut” in my view. The gamin look from previous post is a “very, very short cut”. And Sinead O’Connor in her glory days – is “cropped short”. That’s for giving it a system…
I let my hair grow only in the summer, to be able to pull them up and pin them so as to make the heat bearable. I can’t stand the feeling of sweaty tresses on my neck. Come September I’m planning to return to my habitual bob (no bangs), a little bit similar to Ms.Mirren, but more to the style of the Roaring 20s.
Speaking of which: it occurred to me the argument many man put forward now for a long hairstyle (other that “I like it that way!”, which is a legitimate personal quirk and there is no arguing for tastes) – is the same argument old-fashioned men of the 1920’s used: that the short-hair look is “un-feminine”, boyish and that by extension makes them less-then-perfectly heterosexual if they are attracted to this look.
Such children, forever infantile, even in their grey-hair days…
PS
Mia should cut it to the level of her chin and look into styles that add volume in the top of head…on that picture she’;s an illustration of an expression ”
why long face?”
Tatyana: speaking of why the long face, see this. You’ll never see that gal with a short haircut. It would be even worse.
Not with the right styling. The long faces like Sarahs usually benefit from volume at the cheeks level. If she had a good precise cut somewhere to the length of mid-neck and got a blow-dry styling to make it a roundish shape with biggest “puff”, so to speak, somewhere at the line of her ears – she’ll achieve harmony.
Or the closest she could hoped for, with the nose like that…
See what I’m talking about?
Tatyana: have we driven all the guys away :-)?
From now on my lips are sealed, promise!
[they didn’t even bait on my comparing them to the guys of 100 years ago…things are indeed looking bad]
Tatyana,
I do the longer hair in summer thing too, but I pull it back in a ponytail because my hair is too thick and fine to pin up. I’ve had weeks in summer when my hair never really dried. I once had a hairdresser complain because my hair was so thick that cutting it had dulled her scissors. I’ve had others try to add some curls and flourishes, but they disaappear after a few hours. Most of the year I do straight and midlength with lift added by blow drying.
Neo,
That just shows that your male readers a real guys.
I am elderly, 73, and have had numerous surgeries. After each bout of anesthesia I lose hair. The hair returns but is of a different texture. I’ve always had wavy hair, easy to style and wear, but now… It is like I have a curly cap on the top and and an almost wave in the back. My granddaughter says I have poofy hair. Whatever it is, it lacks a lot.
*expat,
I’d answer, but I made a haste promise – and can’t talk anymore!
My mother always wanted long hair but all her life it wouldn’t grow past her shoulders. Now, in her 80s, it is a lovely wavy iron gray and finally willing to grow as long as she wants it to. She has let it grow and it reaches almost to her waist. She usually keeps it in a loose ponytail or gracefully bundled at the back of her head, but sometimes lets it flow free, and it’s just beautiful. Yes, it has a crunchy-hippie air, but so what — why shouldn’t somebody who always wanted long hair let herself have it?
My own hair is thick and wavy and though I’d love to wear it long, it tangles so much when it gets past my shoulders that I can’t stand it. I wear it at about the length Helen Mirren has hers in that picture, and of course I resemble Helen Mirren in every other way, too. 😉
OK, I, at least, am back, but after a lackluster day at the plate (1/4), I’m in no sweet temper. (Full disclosure.)
You don’t get it, T. It’s not a reasoned-out, conscious decision; it’s what works for us and what doesn’t. We’re basically run by the little head, for which we are but life support systems. And you don’t reason with the General. Not successfully, anyway. We’ve tried. Believe me, we’ve tried. All of us. No dice.
Why do trout strike at some lures but not others?
I don’t know. But I understand.
Occam’s Beard: funny stuff.
And true, I do believe. Although there’s a subset of men who will strike at the pixie/gamine lure. That’s what makes horse races, as my mother used to say (although I guess that’s a mixed-animal-metaphor).
Occam’s Beard, Mr Whatsit tells a joke that goes like this: Q: why do men have a hole in the end of . . . well, the little head? A: So that air can get to their brains.
OB,
I guess you didn’t notice my disclaimer in the last paragraph which I made specifically to accommodate The Little Head.
By a usual blogosphere coincidence I came across a story in a book I’m reading that goes almost word-for-word as you did about that curious character. It’s a book by a brilliant Russian writer/blogger Dmitry Gorchev, who passed away unexpectedly, last March, at 46 years of age.
The story is titled “Freedom” and relates thoughts of a man who is no longer motivated to do stupid things by his Little Head…in fact, he’s not motivated to do anything at all. He is finished. Free at last.
People seem to be hard-wired to whatever look turns them on. If you think this applies just to guys, I invite the gals to consider your own tastes, and those of the women you know well, as concerns bald heads, chest hair, blocky muscular builds, cleft chins etc. As soon as you opine that of course the ultimate in sexy is ____, someone else will squeal about how gross that is and swear that no decent person could ever have sex with such a monster.
I spent years with a man who begged, pleaded and eventually bribed me into keeping really short hair. Half of my other people loved it and half of them hated it. Now my main squeeze is a long hair kind of guy, and my people are all reversed of their previous opinions. I always wonder how a bunch of reasonable intelligent educated people can disagree so deeply about flattering vs. flattening!
Since perception is most of this game, I say pick the beholder you most want to please, especially if that’s YOU, and do what makes them happy!
“Tatyana: have we driven all the guys away :-)?”
Not really – there just tends to be a point where there isn’t much more to say. One can only say the vast majority of men prefer long hair so many times and if you do not want to accept that then nothing else I (or we) can say will change anything.
I also ended up the same around a vegan co-worker who once argued that all of us *really* liked their vegan burger better than the meat version but were spitting it out because of societal pressure and not knowing what was good, if we just ate more we would like it – really!
I may not really understand the motives behind what I feel nor do I most likely understand (or care for the most part either) what factors make longer hair attractive. But I do know what I like to look at and I do know what men talk about when women aren’t around. Women can either take it or leave it when males tell you what we talk about and no amount of logical arguments (if we even assume there is some truly logical things about facial proportions and such) it isn’t going to change an inherently emotional/sexual response (I prefer heavy/fat women and no amount of talking about how wonderful “fit” women are is going to change that, though I do know I am in a small group for much the same reason I know few males prefer the short hair thing).
The Russian said : “[they didn’t even bait on my comparing them to the guys of 100 years ago…things are indeed looking bad]”
If we had more men like from 100 years ago, we would have already marched on Washington.
If you put Helen in a burlap sack she would still look stunning. I have had a crush on her for 25 years. What a woman!
Arguaby at that point he ceased to be a man. Doing stupid things is what we’re all about.
I suspect the short hair thing for many women is sort of a mild version of bra burning.
Tatyana Says:
August 7th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
The different definitions of terminology might be causing some of the confusion.
I don’t consider that hair short. I would call it medium-length. If that hair was on a man, it would certainly be considered long.
By my definition, “short” is any hair that doesn’t hang down. The pictures in the previous post are short hair, by my standard. On a woman, I would call hair that hangs down but ends above the shoulders “medium”, and hair that reaches the shoulders “long”.
So I would call neo’s hair in the apple photo “medium” bordering on “long”. But definitely not “short”.
strcpy
I am not Riussian and I have a name – which apparently you have not.
I am very happy to live in a country where women are not required to follow in patriarchal dictate of what “majority of men” find makes her feminine.
The battle was fought and won 100 years ago.
the above should be addressed to *jon baker.
Sorry fro typos, I am in a hurry getting out.
rickl,
and what would oyu call tresses that reach buttocks?
(as I used to wear my hair up till 10th grade)?
1) I have long since observed that short hair looks good on a woman if she has a long, slender neck — This is how Jamie Lee Curtis, Rachel Ward, and, before them, Audrey Hepburn managed it.
2) That said, my mother had long, shoulder-blade length hair well into her thirties. She noticed that, when she cut it much shorter, that the problems she had had for a while with neck pain virtually disappeared. The weight of that hair is not insignificant.
So — while I like long hair on a woman, I can easily deal with shorter hair, too, if I care about her.
> People seem to be hard-wired to whatever look turns them on.
Well, there is a strong Oedipal/Elektra element to it, mind you. The underlying images of what The Right One looks like are often created in those early years, even in dysfunctional relationships (the boys/girls trying to earn the love they aren’t getting and, as an adult can understand, have little hope of obtaining).
Many never become sufficiently conscious of that to break free of it.
This is how one often sees blondes married to blondes, brunettes married to brunettes, and so forth.
P.S., Neo, notice how, in all your examples — Seberg, Farrow, Berry — the women have slender necks. This is much more relevant to pulling off the “butchcut” than you’ve realized.
> That just shows that your male readers a real guys.
OY!
A REAL guy knows not just what he likes in a woman, but WHY he likes it. Self-examination is very much a ‘guy’ thing.
> The story is titled “Freedom” and relates thoughts of a man who is no longer motivated to do stupid things by his Little Head…in fact, he’s not motivated to do anything at all. He is finished. Free at last.
That’s not a man. It’s not even human. A physical being who doesn’t have sexuality is not a buman being, regardless of the fact that the may sport the form and the DNA of one.
Men should always be aware of what foolishness their ying-yangs try and lead them into, but to imagine not having those desires as a positive thing is the ultimate foolishness.
> If we had more men like from 100 years ago, we would have already marched on Washington.
Indeed With tar, feathers, and about 600 rails…
Tatyana Says:
August 8th, 2010 at 9:38 am
“Really, really long.”
Yah, it’s the thickness issue that’s the real nut of issue. Old women with thin stringy or lank hair are just the female equivalent of men’s combovers.
Mia Farrows hair looks overprocessed and cut in a “triangle”. A few inches off with layering could only help. I think long hair on older women can certainly be attractive. It’s really the condition of the hair that makes or breaks the look.
Obloodyhell: well, I must strongly differ with you. I’ve known a number of asexual people, some of whom are bothered by their asexuality and some of whom are not. They are all very human, however, although they lack a certain element that most people consider normal.