Those uneasy royal heads
I know it must be difficult to be a royal and all, especially nowadays when their roles are devoid of power and merely ceremonial. How to find purpose in such an empty, fishbowl existence? It gives new meaning to Shakespeare’s observation that uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
Oh, there are perks, of course. Money. Castles. More castles. Horses and dogs, if you like that sort of thing, as well as more jewels than you can count.
Notoriety, wanted or un. Tabloids peering into your business. And for the ladies, obligatory hats.
Now, most of us don’t look all that good in hats. It takes a certain savoir faire, panache, je ne sais quoi to wear them well.
From the looks of their Easter bonnets yesterday, the British royal family seems to lack those very qualities (perhaps that’s why the phrases are in French rather than English). In fact, several of them seem to have given up all pretense of trying.
First up, the Queen herself, who exhibits a certain style that is so far beyond style that it is above style. It is, simply, Her Look, no more and no less than the same timeless frumpiness she displayed even in her early days as a young and beautiful monarch, back in the 50s. And very matchy-matchy indeed:
Next, the Countess of Wessex, Prince Edward’s somewhat-Dianaish-lookalike wife. She’s an attractive woman, to be sure. But I think she overdoes the hunting motif in a hat that is bewildering and overwhelming—is that an entire quail (or perhaps a young turkey) nesting on a really tall fedora made of gauze?:
Let’s turn to the relative restraint of the The Duchess of Cornwall, otherwise known as Prince Charles’ wife Camilla. Perhaps her red beret with the two sharp feathers is as good as it can possibly get for her, hatwise. But it’s at odds with the romantic pearl choker—and then there’s that huge collar and the flippy dippy 80s hairdo. I dunno, you decide:
But I’ve saved the strangest for last. I have a certain sympathy for Princess Anne. She’s long seemed to me to be a no-nonsense sort who’d rather be doing almost anything than wearing these silly hats and waving to the crowds; maybe mucking out a stable or something. But even though she’s not into fashion, does she have to go to such extremes to prove it?:
Yet more proof that money and good taste don’t go hand-in-hand, but until I saw the Countess’ hat I didn’t realize the Brits still held cockfights.
I was at Royal Ascot in 1978 and I am pleased to report that her majesty has not changed her style in hats.
As for the Countess of Wessex, I am pretty sure she brought down that hat with her own shotgun.
They sure gave Monty Python a lot to work with, didn’t they?
During WW II, the current Queen was a driver for, I think, RAF officers.
She remarked she remains the only royal who knows how to change a tire.
Not only did she drive an ambulance she refused to replace her worn out shoes with new ones saying the rest of the people did not have that luxury.
Now the Queen Mum could wear a hat. She often wore the same style – so she knew what worked.
As for the rest (except for the queen herself) this hat thing is the royal version of someone 150 pounds overweight wearing spandex shorts.
Good heavens, Camilla is a disaster. Can’t she at least get her teeth cleaned so we don’t have to look at her nicotine stains?
Diana may have been a silly woman in many ways, but she certainly represented the royals well in her official duties, and she knew how to wear a damn hat.
Yes, the royals are certainly replete with horses and dogs…
This has nothing to do with royal hats, but it reminded me of a story told by a British carriage driver who had taken the Queen and Ronald Reagan on a horse and carriage ride.
In the course of the journey the horse passed gas, creating an awkward moment for the riders. The queen turned to Reagan and said something along the lines of, “I’m so sorry Mr. President, but there are some things that even we royals can’t control.”
Reagan replied, “don’t worry, maam, it’s not a problem. If you hadn’t mentioned it, I would have thought it was the horse.”
🙂
Your Majesty, you can have by boonie hat when you pry it off my cold, dead head.
Or you can ask really nicely.
“…maybe mucking out a stable or something…”; I wouldn’t have thought you had bones that mean Neo, thanks for the great comic relief!
Perhaps I shouldn’t admit this so soon after the spicy jelly beans confession . . . but I really kinda love Her Majesty’s hat.
Nice lids. I wish that hat-wearing would make a comeback. It is practical and entertaining.
These hats ain’t got nothing on what you’ll see in a southern black church.
And i don’t think thats nicotine stains on Camilla’s teeth. Shes got all the telltales signs of a snuff dipper.
I saw Anne’s hat on Eastwood in one of the Spaghetti Westerns.
The Queen has favored that shape hat since I was in college. She has many in various colors.
To my eye, the Princess Royal’s hat is so weird it’s kinda cool, in a bizarre sort of way. And no matter what she would rather do, she is still the one who makes the most public appearances each year.
As to Her Majesty’s dogs, I got a Pembroke Welsh Corgi a couple years ago and I must say, she is entirely charming. But no number of servants could persuade me to have more than one – they blow their coats constantly. I never knew how big a dust bunny could get until I got a corgi and a long-haired cat!
Oblio: Hats are practical? I have two words in rebuttal: hat hair. In less than five minutes I’ve got a ridge all the way around that only a shampoo will get rid of. Too bad I like them. (Neo, I got my best hat in The Brewster Store on Cape Cod. It has a huge blue hydrangea on it and I just love it!)
Oh, bother I am not brave enough to enter a debate that is properly conducted among the ladies, as I have not been inducted into the mysteries of ladies’ hairdressing. I simply note that some ladies carry it off and look smashing.
I advocate proper hats for men, as well. Many of us run no danger of hat hair.
On the one hand I think being a royal must be a lot like being born into a play, in which your role-for-life is as this festooned, pompous monarchical creature, traipsing importantly from one high event to another. On the other hand– and this sounds almost like apostasy in these proto-socialist times in the West– I actually feel just a bit sorry for them. There’s got to be a certain sustained, lifelong inner yearning to do and be more than you possibly ever can do or be, given your inheritance of such an unbearably elevated stature and wealth… Delightful post, Neoneocon! You’re like a Ms. Blackwell to the royals, what?
There’s got to be a certain sustained, lifelong inner yearning to do and be more than you possibly ever can do or be
Harry went into the military and specifically sought combat deployment.
When monarchs used to actually protect their community with High and Low justice, and when they were the commanders of the armies, a military career was a boon and encouraged to teach the next generation of rulers the correct way to lead.
Now a days, the military is a refuge from the powerlessness and meaningless of Royal life. Besides, the new Aristocracy in Britain have almost all of the power now.
“But no number of servants could persuade me to have more than one (corgi) – they blow their coats constantly.”
Blow their coats? Oh my, that’s a turn of phrase I’ll be using from now on! Is it ever used in describing balding men, Oh bother?
Oblio, I suspect the first element of wearing hats well is: No glasses. Oops. The second one seems to be fairly coarse hair or, lacking that, a convenient hairdresser. I read somewhere that the Princess of Wales had her hair done almost every day and sometimes twice. In fact, having her hair done was about the last thing she did before she died.
Zach R, your comment about having “to do and be more than you possibly ever can do or be” made me think of Prince William. He gets to be both a conventional Royal and also the heir to the kind of paparazzi feeding frenzy his mother inspired just by walking out the door. Both of William’s parents did their part toward creating the monster that is laying in wait for their son. For his sake, I hope he has his grandmother’s temperament — or his aunt Anne’s. That would be so much fun to watch!
I like the way base make-up is for the most part only applied to the face area – so few extending to the neck. And Camilla’s friend is Joan Rivers, so there’s that influence, that vey is mir thing, the ineffable combo of overdressed and understated.
Poor little rich ‘uns. Never to wear shlubbies in public, condemned to tailored suits and public scrutiny!
I wonder what would happen if the Royals went on a sit-down strike and just refused to perform. Became largely invisible.
I rather like the Countess of Wessex’ hat, but probably just because she looks friendly and outdoorsy and those feathers suit her coloring.
I was reflecting in church on Easter (during the bland sermon) that the only people still wearing hats there were rather oblivious to others. Consider what happens to the unfortunate person behind someone wearing one of these large frou-frouey things! Their view is blocked. Not an issue for the royals, tho.
I think the only hats that are both useful and ornamental are cowboy hats, and women’s wide brimmed squishy summer straw bonnets at garden parties that shade from the sun and that can be cheaply and personally decorated with ribbon, real flowers, a piece of jewellry. But I’m a fuddy duddy!
Thanks for the pix, tho. Grew up there, and still enjoy the sport of royal-spotting.