Flying the friendly skies
I’ve watched the TLC show “On the Fly” once or twice (only while double-tasking, so please don’t mock me too much). According to TLC, it “gives viewers a behind-the-scenes look at the modern air travel experience, sharing the large-scale operations and personal customer stories at Southwest Airlines.”
Well, yes. But do we really want that? Is it entertaining to watch the show’s compendium of raging and/or unruly and/or frustrated passengers and employees? Isn’t it quite enough to witness or be them in real life?
I was on a plane not long ago and saw an incident straight out of the show. After I’d taken my seat, I noticed a woman coming down the aisle and stopping in the row in front of me who greeted the people there a bit too loudly and enthusiastically, considering they were all strangers.
But I didn’t think much about it. Just considered her to be an unusually gregarious person—which shows that I have no future as an airline screener.
She sat down and continued to talk to the guy next to her, telling him she’s a “bad flyer” (whatever that means; nervous?). He calmly reassured her. In fact, he was one of those people with rare equanimity—soothing and patient, despite the fact that she’s the sort of seatmate most people dread.
I was just thinking what a nice guy he was, and wondering whether I’d hear her jabbering away the whole flight, when a large and friendly flight attendant with a big smile came down the aisle. He seemed pretty gregarious too; gave her a big “hello” and asked how she was doing.
Also what she’d been doing prior to getting on the plane. I immediately realized, having seen “On the Fly,” that the guy was evaluating her for sobriety. And that’s exactly how it went.
She volunteered that prior to getting to the airport she’d been with her boyfriend. Had she had anything to drink? Yes, maybe a little bit, just to relax her. How many? Oh, just one (slurring her words). Had she been eating too? Oh, yes, her boyfriend had made her dinner.
What kind? Spaghetti. What sort of sauce? Tomato, meatballs.
How many drinks? This time the answer was two. And on and on, till she was removed from the plane.
She only made a token protest; perhaps she knew she was pretty drunk. The guy was smooth as silk; when she asked him if he was really throwing her off the plane he said he hadn’t made his mind up yet, but he needed to talk to her in the front of the plane.
And so she got up, and of course she never returned. Since it was evening, I wonder whether the airline footed the bill for a room for her. But I do know that her seatmate got a nice reward—an extra seat to stretch out in for the long night flight.
I have an axe to grind with the airlines…. customer friendly service is a myth and the TSA is an expensive bad joke. We now fly only when the car ride takes more than 2 10 hour days or we are vacationing in France. I used to enjoy flying, now I hate it.
You are not alone by no means. A despicable experience all around.
Actually, she was a silly woman. The idea is to get drunk AFTER the plane is off the ground. They’re a little more careful deplaning you at that point.
Living in Asia and Australia as I have for a number of years, most of my experience in that time has been with carriers like Qantas, Singapore Airlines, Cathay Pacific, Thai Airways, and ANA. They still understand what customer service is about, and even if the seats are somewhat smaller in Economy Class in the Asian airlines (not Qantas; Aussie butts are as big as American ones) than they are in the States, it’s still better than dealing with flight attendants that hate their jobs, or counter staff who view passenger questions or requests as intrusions into their personal time. And best of all, there are no TSA goons out here. Even a supposed “police state” like Singapore manages to treat its airline passengers with more dignity than Thousands Standing Around. Between the airlines themselves and TSA, I dread having to fly when I’m back in the States.
I completely “get it” that some passengers are jerks. I travel a lot, and I’ve seen plenty of them–drunk, high, belligerent, unbathed, taking up the overheads with 4 carry-on bags of duty-free goods–but the airlines out here seem to be able to deal with them without making a big scene over it. I’m glad to read that Neo’s US carrier managed to acquire that same skill.
I’ve asked the question of a number of people; have you increased the distance you will drive rather than fly?
Universally, yes.
It takes us about an hour, or just a bit less, to get to the airport we use. We need to be there an hour in advance. In that time, we could cover about 120 miles toward our destination. Getting off the plane, getting the luggage and getting the rental car takes at least half an hour. If somebody is picking us up, it’s probably two hours out of his life. Counting that inconvenience as travel time, we’re up to close to 500 miles. Flight time is probably another hour and a half, presuming no delays. Six hundred miles? Probably.
So if we choose to drive, we have to go over 600 miles to make flying even a marginally faster process. And what do we get when we drive? More comfortable seats. Eat when and what we want. Coffee and bathroom stops as desired. Bigger bathrooms. Expressway rest stops are pure gold compared to airline potties, and the gas station facilities aren’t too shabby, either. We see the country side. If we see something we like, we stop and check it out. We choose our entertainment–reading, recorded books, CDs, radio, talking.
When we get there, we have a car. We can leave when we wish, rather than on the airline’s schedule. We can pack what we want, a trunk full or a change of clothes. Possibly weapons. Nail polish, even, if you can imagine it.
The cost is a few extra hours on the road compared to flying.
Second only to hugely obese people who plop themselves down next to me in the center seat, my pet peeve on a flight is a loud mouth who shares his or her BS with all of us other passengers.
Recently, a guy talked without interruption all the way on a flight from Austin to Phoenix. He was at least ten rows back and he spoke about NOTHING. I swear I don’t know how he had enough breath to do that and how he managed to avoid getting a sore throat.
In the same vein, I really don’t want to listen to a guy closing a business deal or chatting with a GF on his cell phone in the checkout line at Home Depot either.
I really don’t like cell phones much and I claim we all got along just fine in our lives before they became ubiquitous.
Wow. Never thought of it that way. Perhaps the airlines should hear your analysis Richard.
I agree with Richard Aubrey above. Our summer home is a 575 mile drive and I wouldn’t consider flying there. Flying would take a little longer than driving if everything went without a hitch on the flight.
And the smells. They are the best. Some of my favorites: The incredible smoker smell. For the whole trip. Then there’s the relied upon BO. That always works. Of course, you can’t forget the overpowering too powerful perfume. Woof. But the best, yes the best, the whiff of poop. What? Did you not complete terlet training? (Note: usually accompanied with wide staring eyes in those friendly skies.)
Dozens of people were waiting in line at a check-in counter. Self-important-looking man pushes his way to the front and demands “You’ve GOT to get me on this flight.”
Female gate attendant: “Sir, you’ll have to wait in line with everyone else.”
Man: “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”
FGA: (picking up microphone) “Attention all passengers. We have a man at the gate who DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him, please come up to the counter.”
Man: (walking away) “F**K YOU!”
FGA: “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to wait in line for that, too.”
Maybe I’m just lucky, but 90% of my bad flying experiences involve customers, not the service personnel. My worst trip was getting stranded by a blizzard after Christmas for four days; all of the workers at the JetBlue counter managed to remain courteous and helpful despite downright abusive customers who didn’t seem to get that the lady in the blue jacket can’t control the weather, and is probably a thousand miles away from her family, too.
Great customer service: Southwest, JetBlue
Good customer service: American, Delta
Awful customer service: United
Twenty-five years and 22,000+ hours of flying and I can count the number of passenger incidents I encountered on one hand. Of course I retired in 1993 – a lot has happened since then.
The hijackings began in the 70s. They were mostly motivated by money/ransom or making a political statement. We had procedures to deal with them and they were usually handled without loss of life. 9/11 changed that. It became deadly serious business. However, the company punishment (Considering everyone as a possible terrorist) procedures adopted by the TSA were less effective and more noxious to passengers than a more efficient, targeted method would have been. At least that’s my opinion.
Deregulation began in 1979. That changed the dynamic. More flights, less service, cheaper fares, a totally new passenger profile, and many more ground service personnel (customer service reps, aircraft cleaners, baggage handlers, mechanics, food caterers, etc.) required. Tough competition drove prices downward, and poor managements (at most airlines) failed to cope with the new demands of the business. Profits have been minimal, service stinks, and the hassle (getting to the airport, parking, checking in, checking bags, going through security, trudging often a mile or more to the gate, crappy boarding procedures, small seats, over-crowded airplanes, reclaiming bags, getting a rental car, etc., etc.) is enormous. Yet, if you have to travel over 600 miles and time is a factor, what are your choices?
The one point that amazes me is that, as the service and overall satisfaction have deteriorated, the safety has actually gotten better. One of the reasons is that the aircraft and flight guidance systems are superior to those in the past. Maybe the training is better and maybe the present crop of pilots are better, too. (Cough, cough, that’s hard for me to admit.) FAA regs and oversight may be due some credit as well. (That’s also hard to admit.)
It has been a painful thing for me to watch the airline business descend from a quality service to a crappy service that survives because, if people need to travel over 600 miles, there is no alternative.
I have traveled a lot since I retired because I didn’t have the time to travel for fun when I was working. However, particularly since 9/11, I would rather have root canal work than fly. But I do it because it’s the only way to get to China, Chile, Kenya, Australia, Switzerland, Spain, Russia, Hawaii, and other places that I visit for the learning and experience that’s in it.
Damn JJ, need someone to carry your bags? What do you eat on all those trips? How do you keep healthy? How has jet-lag affected you as you grow older?
Curtis: “Damn JJ, need someone to carry your bags? What do you eat on all those trips? How do you keep healthy? How has jet-lag affected you as you grow older?”
The new bags have got these marvelous spinner wheels. Even an old codger like me can manage them with ease.
What do I eat? On the airplanes – as little as possible. We carry protein bars for sustenance. At the destinations – you can’t go wrong by eating only cooked food, boiled/bottled water or beer, and no “street food.”
How do you stay healthy? Hand sanitizers, being careful, getting the required innoculations, and a bit of luck. Walk a lot, stay engaged, keep looking and learning. That’s the way I seem to avoid the bugs. But I’ve been sick and it is no fun when you’re in a foreign land. Have to always have a small kit of meds for Aztec’s Revenge, constipation, and other traveler’s ills. Insurance is a necessity as well. A helicopter evacuation can be pricey.
Jet-lag is worse with every passing year. The worst recently was 20 hours enroute from Seattle to Hong Kong via San Francisco. Two days of zombie-land in Hong Kong before getting back to normal. Don’t know how much longer we will consider traveling worth the hassle. We just take each day as it comes and pray for strength. If we get the itch to go and see, we get all excited and pull out the maps.
Ahem, if Curtis is too subtle, I am not. Need a personal porter?
I’ve concluded that airports are really car parking businesses that just happen to offer airplanes as a lure.
Mostly, I hear from sister about the perils of flying. She lives in Scotland and there’s just not that many ways for her to visit the U.S. without flying.
I do not feel all that guilty for refusing to fly to visit her. She flies to the U.S. and visits numerous friends and relatives. I fly to visit her and it’s just me and her… and we both agree there should be more to life.
I’ve not flown for 4 years and I do not plan to ever fly again. A 600 mile trip has been mentioned as one not worth flying. Well… I made the decision 3 years ago that 1200 miles was an easy drive compared to the flight.
I realize that my status as retired with plenty of time to spare influences my choices. Gasoline, wear/tear/maintenance on an car are much cheaper than airline tickets — especially when there is a passenger in the car. This is true even when motel stays are factored and the fact that gasoline has doubled in price since I made this decision.
Time is the only factor that airline travel has over other modes. For people like me — to whom 12 to 48 hours makes no difference over8 hours… who would choose flying over driving? If two or more people are making the same trip the cost of flying doubles, triples, etc… while it only goes up at a very minimal rate when driving.
Furthermore, I do NOT see where there is any threat to anyone or anything from a seemingly friendly drunk. Perhaps she was also obnoxious, but we all know that can happen without alcohol, don’t we?
I do not see a reasonable excuse for removing that passenger from the flight in the description neo has provided.
I love getting the exit row seat on Southwest. And while you’re sitting there, the flight attendant chats with you–and I always assumed it was to gauge whether you were full of BS when they officially asked you if you were up to carrying out the duties required in the unlikely event of surviving an accident. One time, and I am not sure how the subject came up exactly, I mentioned that I would regularly carry a forty pound bag of dog food up the four lights of stairs to my apartment (I am an overweight-ish, middle-aged woman, and was only slightly less overweight and middle-aged at the time this occurred.) One of the other women sitting in the exit row responded, “Gosh! I could never do that!” The flight attendant looked at her a moment, and the subtly had her move to a different row.
(BTW, I had a big Labrador retriever while living in my apartment in the sky, so I wasn’t just carrying the forty pound bag up all those steps just to keep my strength up for exit row duties, in the unlikely event of surviving a crash.)
Damn JJ, need someone to carry your bags?
Sorry, JJ, I’ve spent lots of time as a passenger on trans-Pacific flights, both in business class and economy, and this is not a job I’d volunteer for. I lived out of a suitcase for almost a decade, going from the East Coast to Southeast Asia multiple times per year, and the business class lounges at Narita and Changi lose much of their charm when you’re seeing them for the 20th time in six months. Yes, getting 9,000 frequent flier miles at a pop is great, and most airlines get the service right (United’s used to suck, but it was fine the last time I flew them from Singapore to Seattle and back a few months ago). Now that I’m based in the region, I still travel, but the flights are much shorter, I’m not constantly jet-lagged, and the company saves money to boot.
My wife and I live in west Michigan. Saturday evening we have to be in Rolla, MO and then, Sunday evening, back in west Michigan. There’s a reason for not flying which is irrelevant to the discussion. However, anybody who’s flown recently can contemplate the diff between driving–maybe nine hours wheels rolling one way–and flying.
I actually look forward to throwing a change of clothes and some shaving gear in the trunk and hitting the road. Flying….yuck. I don’t mind the idea of being up in the air in a can. Done that, and the Army paid me to jump out, as well, so between fatalism and a lack of imagination, the actual argument with gravity doesn’t bother me.
I dislike the hassle, the restrictions, the little seats, the difficulties if a flight isn’t on time and a connection is in jeopardy.
Furthermore, I do NOT see where there is any threat to anyone or anything from a seemingly friendly drunk.
The spaghetti, it was the spaghetti that threatened me.
AMDG,
Janet
Micael Adams: “Need a personal porter?” Sorry, Michael, can’t really afford one. Most people would not be willing to travel steerage, which is my normal mode. I call myself thrifty. My wife calls me a cheapskate. :>)
Last year my husband and I had the pleasure of meeting our daughter’s in-laws in the south of France and then flying together to Brittany as they had friends in both locations. While we were at it, we decided we should fly into Paris for a couple days prior. All the flights were booked through Air France and they were the best flying experiences we’ve ever had. The customer service was outstanding. Every airport was clean and spacious. The irony wasn’t lost on me as the French have a reputation of being persnickety. Comparing our U.S. flights to this…night & day.
Most travelers want two things above all:
Reliability and Comfort.
US airlines are no longer providing either.
Reliability – When was the last time you flew that one or more of the connecting flights wasn’t delayed or worse, cancelled. (Whatever you do, never, never, never fly through Chicago O’Hare around Christmas time. Just say no!)
Comfort – don’t get me started on those seats in coach that even a ten year old wouldn’t be comfortable in. I’m a 6’2″ male and flying coach for even a short hop is torture.
Have you noticed that on TV shows and in Hollywood movies *everyone*, no matter what their station in life, flies first class.
For five years I worked with a college who was terrified of flying. Our jobs required us to fly coast to coast every week. He’d done the program the airlines had (have?) to help people afraid of flying to no avail. He was literally unable to get on an airplane if he was sober. So his ritual was two stiff drinks about an hour before the flight, and another just prior to boarding. We’d walk on go directly to our seats, he was sober enough to walk normally. He’d sit at the window as the third drink hit him. He’d fasten his seatbelt and appear to be resting, eyes closed, face to the window. I’d make small talk with the flight attendants. After take off as soon as drink service began I’d get us both a drink. He’d have his fourth, in about 90 minutes, and sleep the rest of the flight. I’d wake him up after we touched down. He bothered no one. The notion that somehow sitting in an airline seat while intoxicated is a risk to the plane or passengers is absurd.
uncleFred: well, I have to say that even before the flight took off, she was rather loud and strange. And I got the impression she had done something along the way, before getting on the plane, that had alerted them, because they singled her out immediately.
My then-husband was once on a plane where a drunk or otherwise under-the-influence person attacked a stewardess. My husband was one of the people who held the attacker down in the aisle until the plane landed. So I have a certain respect for the problem (fortunately, I wasn’t on that flight with him).
Roy: do you ever fly Jet Blue? The seats are a lot roomier (esp legroom) I think. Of course, I’m not 6’2″.
Donna B: since I mostly travel alone, for any trip that’s long-distance flying is extremely cost-effective. For example, I can easily get a cross-country flight (if I plan a little bit ahead) that amounts to about $150. For a cross-country trip in a car, gas is at least $350 and then there’s motels. Very expensive these days.
Those figures are all one-way.
“Roy: do you ever fly Jet Blue?”
No, I haven’t. Jet Blue does not have service where I live. (Louisville, KY) The nearest city to me that is served by Jet Blue is Chicago. I suppose I could drive to Chicago to catch a plane, but it’s over 300 miles away. By the time I got there I might as well have driven the entire trip.
If you run the numbers and include Motels, fuel, extra food etc., it is usually cheaper for trips of, say, 1000 miles or more, to fly rather than drive – and that doesn’t include the time difference. However, there are many advantages to driving that have value in and of themselves. Comfort, the ability to go where you want when you want, having transportation at the destination, not having to worry about the luggage or the TSA shenanigans, all add up.
Roy. The time actually spent on a flight from one place to another varies immensely if you have to make a connection.
For example, as I mentioned, we’re making a quick run to Rolla this weekend. We can’t fly direct to St. Louis from here, so we either drive three hours to an airport which does, or add a couple of hours in airports and flying to someplace we don’t want to go to in order to get a flight which will take us to where we really want to go. At which point we rent a car and then an hour down the road.
As to extra food, we were going to eat anyway, and so we’re only paying the difference. And if we do a McD drive through, there’s not much difference, and if we have a decent meal, we’re indulging ourselves which we do from time to time.
Can’t make myself not quote Mark Steyn. Or at least paraphrase:
Talking about flying after 9-11, he said, more or less, that lean young men with tight haircuts, burly businessmen and arthritic grannies are all looking for a piece of the next terrorist.
Which sort of explains the help the cabin crews get when a passenger gets out of control. If he’s just drunk…well, can’t have everything.