Comments on: Update on my ex-husband

By: Linda S Fox

Linda S Fox — Wed, 03 Sep 2025 01:21:18 +0000

One of the best decisions my husband made was to insist on putting a chair lift to the basement. At the time, I argued that I had worked VERY hard to develop the ability to navigate the stairs and do laundry.
Fortunately, he overruled me. Shortly after we put the lift in, he tore the quad muscles in his left leg. His doctors wanted to discharge him 3 days after surgery; I had to insist that he needed skilled nursing, as it took THREE nurses to help him to a chair. I just was not capable of assisting him at that point.
He was more than a little annoyed; it took 4 days of acting pi$$y to the home’s nurses for me to get in his face, and point out that he only had another 16 days to heal, before he had to be discharged (else we would be paying the charges without the help of our health plan).
Well, he got with the program, and started making real progress. He was able to handle extended walking with a walker by the time of discharge, as well as manage his personal care. (He did need some assistance with socks and shoes).
A lot of the resistance to skilled nursing care is that people think of it as a place for old people to go until they died.
Skilled nursing care is vigorous, hard work, and aims to bring people to a point where they can benefit from PT and OT.
Fortunately, thanks to the lift, he was able to navigate the stairs to the basement and back within a very short time. He still resorts to using it when his back acts up, or he gets tired.
And, me?
I ended up using it a LOT when I had my knee replacement this spring. I still prefer to use it when doing laundry or getting food from the freezer.

By: AesopFan

AesopFan — Fri, 29 Aug 2025 05:49:04 +0000

We started a house renovation project this year (which I hope will be finished this year!) in anticipation of one of us needing the care that Steve and others have noted. Builders in the old days didn’t consider the ADA needs that have become so prevalent now, so we are retrofitting our upstairs bath with a shower and easier layout of the sink and cabinets, along with a wider door frame and pocket door. The bedroom next to it that shares the hallway is also getting a wider, sliding door.
Hopefully, that will be enough for most of the accessibility needs as we get older.
Ramps up to the outside doors are on the list, and possibly a kitchen make-over, once we recover from this round of projects.

Best wishes to everyone dealing with the physical difficulties of your loved ones.

By: neo

neo — Thu, 28 Aug 2025 18:04:53 +0000

Steve (retired/recovering lawyer):

Best wishes to you and your wife. It is indeed very hard to watch a loved one decline, even if slowly. I hope she still has a lot of recovery left in her.

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 28 Aug 2025 17:02:59 +0000

@Steve (retired/recovering lawyer): Blessings on what you are doing. I am temporarily in the same situation, and it’s a lot. However, for me, this is only another few weeks while my husband recovers from a replacement. Although your wife may not be able to tell you so, she knows what you are doing for her and that you love her.

By: Steve (retired/recovering lawyer)

Steve (retired/recovering lawyer) — Thu, 28 Aug 2025 13:15:56 +0000

My wife began a period of decline five years ago, compounded by a meningioma atop her first cervical vertebra and impinging the nerve roots, requiring nine hours of neurosurgery, fortunately successful, followed by weeks in a rehab hospital, then out-patient therapy for months. She has not returned to normal functioning and requires a great deal of care, although she is capable of personal hygiene, feeding, can walk and generally function without full-time supervision. But I am responsible for everything, from cooking and cleaning to laundry, shopping, and pretty much everything else around the home. It’s been hard, but the hardest thing is to watch and be aware of her decline. The woman I married is gradually going away, and although I cling desperately, I’m not sure my grip is strong enough to keep her here. But I won’t ever let go, nevertheless.

By: Richard Aubrey

Richard Aubrey — Wed, 27 Aug 2025 13:55:34 +0000

For people laid up, human contact is a very big deal. Home PT covers more than one base.

By: Mary Catelli

Mary Catelli — Wed, 27 Aug 2025 03:52:02 +0000

Familiar situations can work wonders.

By: J.J.

J.J. — Wed, 27 Aug 2025 03:31:27 +0000

Thanks for the update, Neo. Please tell your ex that he has many Neophiles wishing him well for his recovery.

Bless you for being there for him. Takes a good heart to step up like you have.

By: Bluegreen kayak

Bluegreen kayak — Wed, 27 Aug 2025 01:20:11 +0000

Decades ago my mother had a knee replaced, and at the time I was free to stay with her at home after the surgery. The only way she would do the exercises was if I did them right alongside her. She regained her knee function and it was great. I couldn’t join her after her second/other knee surgery; consequently, it did not heal as well.

By: Aggie

Aggie — Wed, 27 Aug 2025 01:18:08 +0000

Good for you Neo, and also good for him! Long may the improvements continue. I hope he knows how many well wishers he has lurking here.