Comments on: In the Alzheimer’s unit

By: apachetears

apachetears — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 16:42:22 +0000

My Mom forgot she saw her youngest great grandson the day before, then she forgot she had a great grandson completely.
She is sharp enough and cognizant enough to understand her being placed in the assisted living home but resents it severerly and the fact she has alzheimers is just not to be believed.
Mom believes I used this as a way of getting rid of her so I would not have to take care of her.
When I go see her she asks me first thing, “Can I go home now? how long do I have to stay here, Do you mean I am going to live here forever?”
Then she grows angry and gets hostile and violent.
She gives me and My Brother up for adoption every visit to whom ever is nearest.
Nobody wants to adopt a 55 and 58 year old men LOL but she is determined to give us away.

By: The Den Mother

The Den Mother — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 15:18:56 +0000

“Will she remember my visit? Almost undoubtedly, no. But was she happy to see me? Almost undoubtedly, yes. And doesn’t that have its own value?”

Neo, when my grandmother was in a nursing home with dementia, it drove me CRAZY that my out-of-town relatives would drive literally a stone’s throw from the nursing home on their way to vacation and never stop to visit. One cousin said, “What’s the point? She won’t remember I was there.” But HE would remember he was there, and didn’t he want those memories? And wasn’t it worth giving her a little joy, even if she forgot it five minutes after he left? I just didn’t get that attitude.

By: Foxfier

Foxfier — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 18:58:09 +0000

I wouldn’t be entirely sure she won’t remember– my granny had dementia, at the end, for several years. One time when my mom visited, towards the end, mom just couldn’t take it anymore– she cried on the way out, although she thought that she’d made it clear of where her mom could see.

Granny called mom’s little sister to tell her that there was something wrong, my mom was crying. (a REALLY rare thing)

It seems like a consistent pattern and lack of emotional shocks helps them adjust to a happy, less confused fog– at one point, after her husband died, granny didn’t recognize my aunt, but did recognize a neighbor of 50+ years. (Her favorite daughter, who was doing most of her care– they’d gone out to visit papa’s grave.)

I wish there was a way for your elderly relatives to stay together. No matter which way it goes, I know it’s got to be incredibly hard on her husband.

By: Marine's Mom

Marine's Mom — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 15:02:35 +0000

I am a music therapist and I do sessions in Alzheimer’s units, among other things. I don’t change things for the residents in a big way, but for the hour I am there we have a rip-roaring time, and I think that’s important. Funny, though, last month we sang a lot of patriotic songs and talked about America and the flag. When I asked how many stars are on the flag, the answer was inevitably “48”.
My Mum is in a similar place now in New Zealand and when I visited in April I was able to do some music groups with the residents in her home. They were all most enthusiastic and grateful. On my next visits, they would all ask Mum, “now who is this?” Believe it or not, you get used to it after a while!

By: james

james — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 12:40:27 +0000

This a hard thing to have. Hard thing to bear. A hard thing period.

By: Kurt

Kurt — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 02:28:13 +0000

My father suffered from progressively worse dementia in the final years of his life. It wasn’t Alzheimer’s, but the assisted living facility where he ended up was a small one that specialized in patients with Alzheimer’s and related types of dementia. Fortunately he never forgot who the members of the family were, but his sense of time grew very jumbled and he could be very confused about things at times.

Unlike MaryinOH, we stopped trying to tell him or remind him about the deaths of people (or animals) in the distant or even recent past. This posed a minor problem because he confused another patient at the assisted living center with an old family friend. The family friend’s wife had died a few years before my father went into the assisted living center, but he couldn’t remember that, and he didn’t understand who the patient’s wife was. But no amount of trying to explain that the other patient wasn’t the family friend would work, and no matter that he was told about the death of the family friend’s wife, he’d never remember that, either. It was the same way with the family dog he’d ask about who had died years before. There was no use in telling him whenever he asked because he’d just get sad and upset about it.

Anyway, I’d echo what Parker and J.J. said about the value of your visit, even if your relative was a little uncertain about things.

By: Mrs Whatsit

Mrs Whatsit — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 01:52:05 +0000

MaryinOh, how hard. I’m so sorry.

By: LAG

LAG — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 00:43:15 +0000

You’re a good soul, Neo. I hope I am as fortunate in my visitors in times to come.

By: Parker

Parker — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 23:56:03 +0000

“Will she remember my visit? Almost undoubtedly, no. But was she happy to see me? Almost undoubtedly, yes. And doesn’t that have its own value?”

It has tremendous value.

By: J.J. formerly Jimmy J.

J.J. formerly Jimmy J. — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 21:57:49 +0000

The art of aging. How difficult it is. Maybe those who get dementia are spared the knowledge that the end is near. But it is very difficult for those who love them. It’s wonderful when nursing home patients have relatives or friends that visit. My mother-in-law was in a nursing home for five years. To the end you could tell how happy she was to have company. It has to be a depressing thing to know that the little room and the boring routines are leading to the last act. Any contact with someone who takes your mind off such things has to be a blessing, even if you have dementia.