At school and at the rink I was bullied and teased as I always lived in a foreign country so I never fit in. I was physically and emotionally mistreated. I was put in many political situations beyond my control and even what I did on the ice wasn’t justified and prevented me from being an Olympian!

I trained nonstop through injury or illness never speaking up for myself for if I did there would be big consequences. I was secondary and my skating was who I became associated with. The training and spinning became excruciating and taking a huge toll on my body. With serious injury after injury my body started to break down. I could no longer compete at the amateur level due to the fractures in my spine and pain in my whole body and so I turned professional.

I performed through pain and as my professional life progressed I got more and more ill. I was at the hospital all the time when I wasn’t on ice for the shows and I skated until I couldn’t walk for I thought as long as I could get on that ice and spin I would stay alive.

Spinning was my escape from reality for it was like a meditation for me where no one could touch me. But I did not prevail and my body and mind went through a physical breakdown and now without the spinning I was lost. I felt like I was dying of emotional exhaustion and physical overtraining. My body froze and for five years I was unable to function and I lay in bed unable to move, pick up the telephone, shower, walk outside and some days barely talk. It felt like my body was in a coma. I floated above my head and just watched my body lay there. My brain had suffered ongoing brain concussions due to the extreme speed of the spinning and I was left exhausted from exhaustion. It has been calculated that the G force to my brain while I was in a spin was the same force as to a fighter pilot!